To hate her

[Disappointed6789]

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of a year after I found out he kissed another woman a few weeks ago.

How did I find out? Well, he told me. But only because she posted a flirty message on his fb page and I smelled a rat and confronted him.

She is an childhood friend who he had a huge crush on growing up.

She lives abroad and was in town last month. Asked to meet up with him and then kissed him at the end of the night.

She said I was totally wrong for him and that they should have got together years ago.

According to him she made all the moves and that once she kissed him he knew the chemistry was all wrong.

But she is pursuing him like there's no tomorrow. Insists his family would be thrilled if they finally got together. That it was meant to be even if he doesn't know it yet.

I've told him it's over. And that I'll never do the pick me dance.

Don't get me wrong, I know he is the guilty party. But she knew he had a girlfriend and yet chased him like I don't exist.

AIBU to fucking hate her too?

[Underthemoonlight]

I wouldn't be surprised if they got together he's going today it down to you and make out it's all her.

[TempusEedjit]

So basically he's told you that had the chemistry been there when he kissed this woman he'd have dropped you like a hot stone. And he thought it was appropriate to meet up with someone he used to have a massive crush on when he was already in a relationship with you. You're well rid, his boundaries are non-existent and he's proved he can't be trusted. But YANBU to be fucked off with her too.

[YouTheCat]

YANBU. He sounds like he'd be constantly trying it with other women and then what if he found one with 'the right chemistry'? What if it was years down the line and you had kids together?

You're well rid.

[Disappointed6789]

I know I need to keep strong and cut him out of my life. But I still want him.

[Ginkypig]

Get your big girl pants on.

Put your future before your feelings!

Stay and he will very likely ruin your life

Leave and you'll be in pain for a little while then you'll get on with a great life.

[Figuringitout]

Sorry you're having a hard time. Being heartbroken is so horrible, but it is survivable and it will not always feel this raw. It's a really shit situation and only you know whether you would ever be able to truly forgive your boyfriend and whether he is likely to do it again. Strangers on the internet can offer an opinion and, often very useful, advice but only you know him and whether this is worth trying to overcome. Just because someone has done something stupid doesn't mean they are necessarily going to do it again and there is a chance that he being honest about how much she persued him and how flattered he was. That doesn't excuse it, but neither does it mean that he would be a serial cheat: it was potentially a specific situation with a specific woman.
I just wanted to offer a different perspective - from someone who has been in his position, a year in, and who hasn't strayed, or been tempted, since.

[sallyandherarmy]

You do know that you don't have to accept the opinions of a load of internet wannabe bitches, don't you?

For goodness sake woman! Woman up!

Only YOU this man, only you know if he is being honest and truthful with you.

Only you can decide whether you want to talk this out with him or not.

Something similar happened to me 26 years ago, 9 months into a new relationship. It made me realise exactly what I did and didn't want.

We have now been together nearly 27 years, married for 24.

Don't throw away a future purely on the advice of these on MN. You may really regret it.

[DontWannaBeObamasElf]

This was eight months ago sally......

[HolyMountain]

sally how did you manage to being this thread back?

[HolyMountain]

*bring

[GrannyGrissle]

Good for you OP for valuing your self worth and behaving with dignity. It's shit right now but you'll bounce back. Always think of how things will be in 6 months time when times are bad. Always helps me.