To hate her

[Disappointed6789]

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of a year after I found out he kissed another woman a few weeks ago.

How did I find out? Well, he told me. But only because she posted a flirty message on his fb page and I smelled a rat and confronted him.

She is an childhood friend who he had a huge crush on growing up.

She lives abroad and was in town last month. Asked to meet up with him and then kissed him at the end of the night.

She said I was totally wrong for him and that they should have got together years ago.

According to him she made all the moves and that once she kissed him he knew the chemistry was all wrong.

But she is pursuing him like there's no tomorrow. Insists his family would be thrilled if they finally got together. That it was meant to be even if he doesn't know it yet.

I've told him it's over. And that I'll never do the pick me dance.

Don't get me wrong, I know he is the guilty party. But she knew he had a girlfriend and yet chased him like I don't exist.

AIBU to fucking hate her too?

[GrannyGrissle]

Good for you OP for valuing your self worth and behaving with dignity. It's shit right now but you'll bounce back. Always think of how things will be in 6 months time when times are bad. Always helps me.

[HolyMountain]

*bring

[HolyMountain]

sally how did you manage to being this thread back?

[DontWannaBeObamasElf]

This was eight months ago sally......

[sallyandherarmy]

You do know that you don't have to accept the opinions of a load of internet wannabe bitches, don't you?

For goodness sake woman! Woman up!

Only YOU this man, only you know if he is being honest and truthful with you.

Only you can decide whether you want to talk this out with him or not.

Something similar happened to me 26 years ago, 9 months into a new relationship. It made me realise exactly what I did and didn't want.

We have now been together nearly 27 years, married for 24.

Don't throw away a future purely on the advice of these on MN. You may really regret it.

[Figuringitout]

Sorry you're having a hard time. Being heartbroken is so horrible, but it is survivable and it will not always feel this raw. It's a really shit situation and only you know whether you would ever be able to truly forgive your boyfriend and whether he is likely to do it again. Strangers on the internet can offer an opinion and, often very useful, advice but only you know him and whether this is worth trying to overcome. Just because someone has done something stupid doesn't mean they are necessarily going to do it again and there is a chance that he being honest about how much she persued him and how flattered he was. That doesn't excuse it, but neither does it mean that he would be a serial cheat: it was potentially a specific situation with a specific woman.
I just wanted to offer a different perspective - from someone who has been in his position, a year in, and who hasn't strayed, or been tempted, since.

[Ginkypig]

Get your big girl pants on.

Put your future before your feelings!

Stay and he will very likely ruin your life

Leave and you'll be in pain for a little while then you'll get on with a great life.

[Disappointed6789]

I know I need to keep strong and cut him out of my life. But I still want him.

[YouTheCat]

YANBU. He sounds like he'd be constantly trying it with other women and then what if he found one with 'the right chemistry'? What if it was years down the line and you had kids together?

You're well rid.

[TempusEedjit]

So basically he's told you that had the chemistry been there when he kissed this woman he'd have dropped you like a hot stone. And he thought it was appropriate to meet up with someone he used to have a massive crush on when he was already in a relationship with you. You're well rid, his boundaries are non-existent and he's proved he can't be trusted. But YANBU to be fucked off with her too.

[Underthemoonlight]

I wouldn't be surprised if they got together he's going today it down to you and make out it's all her.

[Creampastry]

Lucky escape from the pair of them. Move on!

[fullofhope03]

I feel for you OP - TBH, she sounds pretty deranged so his punishment will not only be you having nothing more to do with him; but her [potentially] stalking him.
Sending you a hug and hope everything goes well for you asap, xxx

[CatherineMaitland]

"She said I was totally wrong for him and that they should have got together years ago.

According to him she made all the moves and that once she kissed him he knew the chemistry was all wrong.

But she is pursuing him like there's no tomorrow. Insists his family would be thrilled if they finally got together. That it was meant to be even if he doesn't know it yet. "

Is this what you've witnessed, or what he's said to you? Because what he's said and what actually happened may be two different things.

[daisychain01]

Yes bollocks to all the holier than thou stuff! Your reaction is justified, Disappointed,

he'll never forgive himself for being weak and succumbing to temptation boohoo. Good, hope he regrets it for the rest of his life. And actually, if he'd had any guts, it wouldn't have been a "temptation" anyway, he'd have said "sorry, I'm with Disappointed, not interested"

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Don't blame you for your reaction at all, and what he did was shit. But I can see how he would have been a bit blown away at the thought of his teen wankfodder crush suddenly wanting to kiss him. Interesting that he says there was no chemistry.

BUT if he'd really wanted to do right by you, he should have come straight home and confessed the whole sorry saga, not allowed you to find out the way you did. He gets a brownie point for confessing without prevarication, but only one.

The trouble is that, even if it was a "OMG my teen crush wants me!" moment, and he's regretting it like hell ever since, the fact remains that he gave in to temptation, so is therefore weak.

[Atenco]

Aquamarine1029 Are you a nun?

[Teabagtits]

Screw being a better person. Be a real human being with real human feelings just don't let them consume you. Give yourself time to feel anger and hatred, make sure it's aimed st the right person/people then give yourself time to move on.

[Aquamarine1029]

The only person you are hurting with all this hate is YOU. Resentment will eat you alive and it will get you nowhere. Just LET IT GO. Move on and be the better person. Shit happens and then you go on to better things.

[Disappointed6789]

CheeseAndGherkins

No, he didn't delete her. She is an old friend, and is friendly with his family too. She doesn't want them to know they kissed when he was in a relationship with me.

The flirty message was "hi babe, still thinking about what fun we had that night ".

His family would probably think it was innocently playful. Because they think she is an angel. I on the other hand thought it was suspicious. And my suspicions were confirmed.

[CheeseandGherkins]

After only a year I wouldn't even waste my energy on that crap tbh. If he can't stay faithful for that short a time, you've had a lucky escape.

[Disappointed6789]

It sounds like you are at school, all this chasing people on Facebook

What are you talking about? Nobody is chasing anyone on Facebook. I saw a flirty message on fb which led to the confrontation and break up with my now ex boyfriend.

Your post is unkind and unhelpful.

[CheeseandGherkins]

So he said he knew the chemistry was all wrong after he kissed her? Presumably he deleted her from Facebook at that point, so how would she have posted on his wall?

He's still lying.

[MickeyRooney]

*his family.

[MickeyRooney]

Forward his email to your family.