To be stressed this much over neighbours

[MindTalks]

I feel almost petty for putting this on here (especially with what's happened in the UK recently) but I'm clueless on what to do to help myself.

As I'm writing this my neighbours music is pounding the walls like it has been since half 11 this morning, which is likely to continue into the the early years meaning my children can't sleep. The smoke from his lidless BBQ is starting to invade the house like it does most breakfasts, lunches and dinners whenever a hint of sunshine is in the sky. Meaning I have to choose between a smokey house for hours or a hot one. It's the music I can't stand the most. I live in fear in my own house that my children will be kept up until the early hours once again due to the music. The pounding bass gives me headaches and the drunken stumbling around the house, the fights in the street and the shouting outside makes me on edge. We've tried speaking to them but they often pretend they can't understand us and become aggressive (as the music comes with them being drunk)

We're on a new build on the help to buy in a sort of link detached house, we were sold the dream that we would live in peace by only being attached by one bedroom and a garage. But to me it feels like the biggest regret ever, we were renting a lovely (quiet) house before renting near my favourite school in the area. To get our foot on the housing ladder, by the pushing of my parents who paid 80% of our deposit for us (which i know we're are extremely lucky for) It's because of that kindness I feel stuck.

I've explained to said parents about how living here makes me feel, I live in fear of this house which has left me with daily headaches, I've been told I'm stressed and depressed and need to try improve my situations. But said parents make me feel guilty about wanting to leave, as they helped us. They tell me they didn't help me and DH for us to leave so quickly (we've lived here nearly 2 years) and it would be a downgrade if we moved from here to a semi. As without the help to buy we can just afford a semi. But I'm fearful it will be just the same as here?

I'm crying whilst writing this, i feel so petty and pathetic to be so stressed and upset over this, when so many people dream to buy. I'm starting to feel so trapped, I try to think of ways to stay out and away from this house. My parents make me feel guilty for wanting to leave but I just want to be happy in a home. Me and DH have even talked about renting again so we can save for a detached and live peacefully whilst doing so.

So, yeah. I guess I'm looking to know if I am being unreasonable in wanting to go or if my parents are right. As well as what would you do in this situation.

[Freddystarshamster]

OP I really really feel for you. It's awful that you're not getting help.

A previous poster is correct. There's very little the police can do. The powers to deal with noise nuisance were devolved to the councils some years ago. The reason police are "useless" is because they have absolutely no powers to enforce.

I've known colleagues knock on a door before to request music turned down, and be told to fuck off and the door be slammed on them. There was nothing they could do about it

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You don't need you parents approval. You don't even need to tell them of your plans and concerns. When you accept that then I expect all the decisions will become easier.

What is greater pain? The pain of your parents being miffed that you moved against their wishes and did it on the quiet to shut them up, or, the pain of living with those neighbours for years and the effect on yourself and your son, and the effect on the relationship with your parents as you feel increasing resentment at the "stopping you" from moving?

You will have one pain or the other pain. Choose.

[Laiste]

Not sure you're allowed to sub-let when you own through Help To Buy scheme. Especially if OP is looking for peace of mind anyway! :)

[Intransige]

Don't ask for your parents' permission. You are not a child.

Either the money was a gift (in which case they have no say) or the money was a loan (in which case as long as you have a sensible plan to pay it back they have no say over how). Of course they can have an opinion, but you don't have to listen to them.

I'd move. Getting your neighbours to change or move before it seriously affects your health may not happen, and you have to protect your family and yourself. Get the estate agents to be careful about viewing times though!

[Intransige]

If it's help to buy then as I understand it you should move within five years anyway, otherwise the government loan starts to charge interest.

[mollyminniemo]

OP- when you next call police (in the middle of the incident) make sure you don't just say re. music and noise issues- mention you are frightened, worried, vulnerable as home with 2 young kids who are also scared- as can also hear fights going on and that they become aggressive to you directly when challenged. If it is someone in actual fear, which you are, they will respond- faster and in a more effective way.

[mollyminniemo]

Ask council to do the following- just found here- www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/noise-nuisance-and-neighbours

Noise abatement

If you complain about noise to the council, an environmental health officer can investigate. They can assess the noise level.

If a noise nuisance exists, the council can serve an Abatement Notice on the person making the noise or the owner or occupier of the premises.

The notice requires either of the following:

the noise must stop
the noise is limited to certain hours

[JoffreyBaratheon]

Our neighbours deny everything. We have been told to call police and on the 999 number and because they have two young kids and are "known to the relevant agencies" - police will come within 5 minutes. Actually last time they took well over half an hour and it was on a Tuesday night, not Saturday or Fri night when you might expect them to be rushed off their feet.

But they always stop the DV as the cop car pulls up, and look the coppers straight in the eye and deny everything. They're usually believed, as well (less paperwork?) But this last time, the police operator whatever you call em, said she could actually hear the noise next door was making, over the phone! So I am guessing it is now recorded...

He is still denying everything, even though his fragrant wife had already been arrested earlier in the evening. (He was kicking off when left alone with the kids).

We rang them when he started screaming "DIE OF CANCER!" over and over, and smashing up his kitchen at 2AM. We're not sure who he wanted to die. Our lovely neighbour on the other side had just, a couple of weeks earlier, indeed died of cancer and his widow heard this, too.

He's been out in his garden gobbing off (hoping we'd overhear), denying everything and saying "It's unfounded allegations!" But finally we know there is hard proof. And he is finally being investigated by the council, totally convinced he can blag his way out of it by the usual denials. Totally blithely unaware they already have a recording...

So try and get whoever answers the phone to hold on long enough to hear something, and then it will be on the record.

I'd move, though. Somewhere cheaper and pay back parents or just - well I'm the mother of three adult sons - if one told me they were unhappy and in these circs, I'd be logging them onto an estate agent's website, myself.

[MindTalks]

Morning everyone,

Thank you all so much for your support, so sorry for a lack of replying, I've been busy painting the house ready for an estate agent to value the house this week!

This week was the worst week yet, neighbour had music Thursday, Friday and my goodness Saturday was awful. The noise nearly reached 80dp on our reader (from DH's work, not council) It was booming. DH and this next doors neighbour attached to him went round and neighbour was extremely drunk. He put his fists up to other neighbour so I started recording to show the aggression was coming from music neighbour. He started saying he can have as many parties as he wants and there's nothing we can do and he'll fight them both if needed. The police was called over his threats and for the fact a child (around 7) was at this party and was being left to play football in the road on his own. But they didn't show.

So DH and I have decided it's time to go, like so many of you suggested. We did 80% of the painting on the weekend, deep cleaning today and estate agent is hopefully here tomorrow, if not Thursday.

Each time the music is booming now I'm just going to focus on doing something to the house, as it will get us one step closer to the house being ready.

Also the council seem to be taking music neighbours other neighbour more seriously? They are fully semi detached whilst we are linked, DH went to other neighbours house on Saturday and he said the noise was awful, much worse than ours. Other neighbour is fighting for his house so fingers crossed music neighbour will have the council on his case in the future.

Thanks again to each of you who replied. The thought of selling this place and even just looking at what else is for sale at the moment has made me feel so much better.

[NotYoda]

Oh excellent news


This so mirrors what happened to my friend

In the end, the man knocked on my friend's door to complain that he's been reported over noise, and he ended up threatening my friend, with kids in the house. Her DH recorded it and gave to the police and he was finally evicted by the landlord (luckily he was renting). She moved anyway. Amongst other reasons, the house was ruined for her

Can you also build on this momentum and enlist help of other neighbours? eg those backing onto the house?

I can tell you feel better already

Ear plugs may help you cope for now. You should never have to wear them, but they may distract you from being hypervigilant

[Toysaurus]

Hope it gets sorted. This stuff is a nightmare. Is it a housing association new build because some of them are helpful at dealing with difficult neighbours.

[Bunbunbunny]

There is nothing stopping you from applying for help to buy again, you can use it to move. When you sell you will be required to pay back the help to buy loan but you can apply for another one. Speak to your advisor

[DeadGood]

Wonderful post MrsLupo

[Babbitywabbit]

This sounds dire. You need a plan to get away asap which it sounds as though you're already getting on with. Make an affordable plan to repay your parents (I assume it was a loan) and don't feel guilt tripped into feeling obliged to stay because of them.
Check out where you stand with regards to the disputes/ confrontations you've already had with the neighbours- you will need to declare these and failure to do so could make you liable financially further down the line, which is the last thing you need... you want to draw a line under all this.
Declaring disputes may make the house less saleable, so you may need to drop the price or think creatively about your market... is it a student area? A BTL landlord may consider a property that a family wouldn't.

Finally in your position I would rent temporarily rather than rush into buying again; it may give you breathing space to recover from this nightmare. Dont assume detached house is the holy grail... many new build detached are pretty crammed together and you could end up with BBQ and pounding music in a garden a few feet away. I think in your position I'd rent for 6 months or a year while researching as much as possible about areas, neighbours etc before buying again.

All SO unfair- you shouldn't have your house devalued and your quality of life destroyed by selfish bastards. But sometimes you just need to remove yourself from a situation for your mental health and it sounds like this is one of those

[Tara2003]

I too have an antisocial noisy neighbour often coming home drunk (weekdays and weekends) with friends at 9-10pm and the music doesn’t stop until 5am!!! I’m not talking a light thudding here - I’m talking about a heavy bass that vibrates the furniture, where you can’t hear your own TV, and forget about sleep bcoz you won’t get any, I frequently shake, I’ve been sick and can’t drive to work through fear of causing an accident from tiredness!!!
I’m in a beautiful 2bed semi, just me, my son and Labrador. I work full-time in a bid to stay off benefits. The housing association won’t do anything, the council are working on it and even the police have been round yet still this animal will not relent. When the music isn’t on all you can hear is her screaming obscenities at her toddler, systamatic abuse. It’s vile.
I love my house, but I’m desperate to move ... my clearly obese neighbour does not work and does not care, and judging by her size - albeit cruelly - she clearly has no self control!
Save if you can and move because these animals don’t change, they breed like that and infest the areas they live in :(

[longwayoff]

Sounds unbearable nobody should have to put up with it. If the house belongs to parents move, and let them rent to someone else. If yours then move.

[Maelstrop]

Zombie thread! Start your own, people.