AIBU giving present instead of cash for wedding gift?

[star0]

A bit of background..My sister and I really don't get along, we never have and she is getting married in July. She's been a bit crazy about the whole thing to be honest. She wouldn't let me bring a pram for my DD who is a newborn because it would spoil the look in her pictures so she expects a newborn to be held for several hours during ceremony and reception and not have a proper nap. I completely refused and said I need to bring the pram or we're not coming. If she doesn't want any babies there that's fine but don't force me to bring my child and then not expect the basic necessities that come with a newborn baby! Anyway fast forward to the more recent drama with my parents who continually get involved with our "arguments" because if ever she's annoyed or thinks I'm doing something wrong she never comes to me and goes directly to them and they then call me up to basically try and tell me what to do. So on her invitation she's asked for money...which is fine, I consider that pretty normal nowadays, however I am currently not working because of just having lo and we are living off of one income on a really tight budget and getting by on what we can afford. I know if I give her money she will complain that it's not enough and I'm not looking for another confrontational phone call from my parents so I called my mum mentioned I was going out at the weekend to buy the present...my mum was then outraged I wouldn't "do what my sister asked and give her cash". I thought that at least if I go and pick a nice photo frame it shows that I've at least made an effort instead of putting a small amount of cash with a card. AIBU? Thanks in advance ladies!

[Goldfishjane]

Mctufy, I know they do, I'm saying they should hire dummies if that's how they feel about their precious bloody floral display.

Forgot to say op, tbh if it was my sis and money was tight we'd both just leave it till later. And probably forget about it tbh.

[TheNaze73]

By her a square mile of the moon or something equally as shit.

People that ask for money for their wedding.....

[TheNaze73]

Buy even

[McTufty]

goldfishjane

Or she could have told OP that her baby couldn't come. She didn't do that.

[Goldfishjane]

Mctufty
OP said "If she doesn't want any babies there that's fine"

[NinkyNonky]

For those who genuinely don't want gifts I find the best thing to do is say no gifts - but suggest a donation to a charity you like instead. Worked a treat at a big birthday bash my mum had.

[BarbaraofSeville]

particularly plants and I am the most uninterested gardener in the world (perhaps that's why I was given plants

Probably. A few of our older relatives took the lack of ornaments in our house to mean that we needed ornaments. Cue 2 or 3 years of increasingly hideous pieces of tat from the Argos catalogue for Christmas and Birthdays.

Fortunately, I am quite clumsy and we've always had cats who have a pathological need to knock things off surfaces.

[DirtyDancing]

Errrm personally I would give cash. But I'd be fucked if my parents thought I was discussing the amount with them after. Any attempt to do so and I would tell them firmly but politely to but out

[LadySalmakia]

In my family there are a couple who pointedly refuse to do what the couple would like and always give an incredibly naff present.

We have a guest list if you'd like to buy a gift! Here have some amazingly spangly and poor taste champagne glasses!

No gifts at all thanks, just come! Giant and frankly weird salad dish!

Very small wedding and gift of cash got a honeymoon please because they've never been on holiday together because poor? Absurd print that they can't put up in their rented house!

Anyway - much as your sister sounds like an arse, don't be that person. Go cash and if questioned refer to your mother.

[star0]

Thanks for all the responses- it's interesting to see what people think about this. To clear up the no child/pram thing, my sister thinks pushchairs are ugly and doesn't want them in the background on her pics. It's a no child wedding apart from lo. I basically said if I can't bring the pram (personally I think it's bloody stupid.. it's just a wedding, but fair enough it's her wedding) I won't be able to bring lo because we don't have anyone to look after lo because they are all at the wedding. She then hit the roof and said "what will that look like?! My own sister not at my wedding"...she doesn't want me there she's just bothered that people will think she's a bridezilla...because her hubby to be's sister is no longer going to the wedding because of a fall out with my sister! It's all very dramatic and very juvenile in my opinion! This is very standard behaviour of my sister- hence why we don't get on.... lol!!

[Goldfishjane]

Aren't you tempted to not go?

[star0]

Goldfish if I had it my way I wouldn't be going I'm only going to keep my parents happy, they find it upsetting that we don't get along and really want everyone to be together as a family. I'm spending as little time as possible there lol

[Goldfishjane]

I see.
Enjoy your newborn snuggles anyway

[Blueflowers2011]

Cash is King. Whether £10 or £1000 every little helps. Add what you can afford and thats it, you are being thoughtful because you are giving something they have asked for. Then afterwards dont think about it after that. If she complains then just tell her that's what you can afford. Smile and go elsewhere if you can or change the subject.

Ah, that age old thing that some people planning their wedding day think their event is the most important thing to all their guests too. Well nobody really cares tbh.

Your sister sounds like hard work. Well done for being bigger tbh and actually going. Take your buggy, your envelope and cash, eat, smile, leave.

We received cash for our wedding and stil have most of it stored in our account, it's always helped us out being in there.

We received 3 photo frames, all of which i have given to charity.

I wouldnt listen much to your sister, she sounds quite naive and clueless. Stand confident, tell her exactly what she does not want to hear, that of course you will be bringing the buggy and her niece/nephew will be there for the day as you think it would be lovely with your parents there too and sharing the day together. Being really nice (behind gritted teeth) is the worst thing you can do in this situation.

[choli]

Unless specifically asked for (upon request), I have no idea why photo frames are such a popular gift. They're largely useless. It seems to be the standard go-to gift for a lot of people, though. It's so thoughtless and perfunctory.

I suspect that 99% of photo frames received as gifts are stored in a closet until they can be regifted at the next wedding.

[Iamastonished]

“She wouldn't let me bring a pram for my DD who is a newborn because it would spoil the look in her pictures”

So opt out of the photos then, or take the pram and lift the baby out for the photos.

McTufty are you the sister? I really don’t understand why prams are a problem. It isn’t as if the photographer will be taking formal photos during the meal or reception. I’m sure the OP will want to put her baby down for a proper sleep. Surely she can lift her baby out of the pram for photos as and when required?

I would just give money. I agree that if they don’t want a gift the money will come in useful regardless of the amount.

[McTufty]

No iamastonished, I am not the sister, and if you read the thread you'd see that at our wedding this Saturday there will be quite a few prams and I couldn't give a shit. I can understand why someone with a better designed wedding than mine and who wanted an adults only event would prefer it because I try to see other people's points of view, although clearly it was ridiculous to suggest a newborn could come with no pram.

But it doesn't matter what you think or I think or the OP thinks about whether her sister is being silly. If OP goes, she has to respect her sister's wishes. No one has the right to turn up to an event and override the wishes of the host because they disagree with them. It isn't difficult to be considerate about where you put your pram and avoid upsetting the bride and causing conflict.

[star0]

To clarify about the pram being in photos... she's having pictures taken continually throughout the ceremony and reception- no formal stand and smile pics at all. I don't know the official name but it's very artsy photography where the photographer will blend in and take sneaky pics. Obviously I would have just put the pram to one side if it was like this.

[Iamastonished]

"No one has the right to turn up to an event and override the wishes of the host because they disagree with them"

Even if they cause a lot of inconvenience and discomfort to the guests?

I would like to think that I am a considerate host and wouldn't make unreasonable demands on my guests in the first place.

[McTufty]

Don't bring a pram at all with your newborn is an unreasonable demand.

Bring your pram but please be considerate about where you put it in terms of understanding the bride doesn't want it having centre stage in photos is not unreasonable and will not cause any discomfort or inconvenience to the OP or her child.

OP if she's having reportage it's probably quite obvious what she wants on show e.g. Don't place pram right in front of her cake or table plan or in the middle of the dance floor for the first dance. I'm sure you wouldn't anyway.

[Iamastonished]

When I got married I just wanted to have a good time with my nearest and dearest. I didn't plan the day around how everything would look in photos. I think the sister is focusing too much on style instead of substance.

[sabs22]

To be honest I'm not keen on any specific requests for money or gifts. A wedding should not be about what you can get, I don't think it's necessary to ask for specific things, if someone wants to get you a gift/voucher/money then you should be thankful for their kindness.