To think that these days it is so so hard for two people to stay together.

[hashtagcurious]

Exactly that really.

Marriage is hard. I love my husband very much and love our life together but it is so much harder these days don't you think...

[Badbadbunny]

I think the main difference of modern society is unrealistically high expectations.

A couple of generations ago, people were generally "content" with what they had. They had lower expectations. A husband/wife, a job and a home was fine with them, along with a few possessions. I don't think the average person was constantly comparing their lives with everyone else and making themselves miserable like they are today. They didn't get jealous that other people had nicer houses or a more attractive partner, or a more modern iphone. They weren't bombarded with media images of rich slebs showing off.

Today, far too many people seem consumed with envy and put far too much emphasis on possessions and the quest for perfection "just because xyz has one". We seem to have a communal loss of self confidence and need a constant "fix" of another instant gratification to make us feel good. Things are also too easy - too easy to ditch your partner and find another, too easy to get a new credit card, too easy to part exchange your car for another on lease. No-one seems to wait and work for things anymore - it's all "now, now now" and "me, me, me". We've become a nation of self-obsessives.

[BadTasteFlump]

I can't believe the number of time people on here suggest posters leave their dh rather than work on the particular issue or problem

I've heard that before, but I can honestly say I've only ever seen people advise to seriously LTB where there has been abuse or infidelity - which I would say is fair enough.

[MacarenaFerreiro]

Easier than when?

Agree that splitting up and divorcing is much less complicated now than in the immediate post-war years. Doesn't mean that marriage is harder though.

[TheNaze73]

From whatever generation, cheats were/are going to cheat. It's far easier now. Back in the day, they'd be one land line in a house, so conducting an affair although not impossible, would've been harder. With mobiles, Tinder etc, I agree it's far easier for people to be tempted however, the vast majority won't be. A wrong un' will always find a way, whether it be 1957 or 2017

[Ethylred]

Antibiotics, anaesthesia,... Life is MUCH easier now.

[BackforGood]

I think YABU.
I agree with this
I think because divorce or just leaving partnerships is socially acceptable and easier it means some people are less tolerant of their spouses human failings and less forgiving

I can't believe the number of time people on here suggest posters leave their dh rather than work on the particular issue or problem. That's after discounting the 'tongue in cheek' ones - these are the serious ones!
Don't get me wrong, it's obviously good that people can now leave abusive or even really unhappy relationships more easily than 50 years ago, but over a period of 20, 40, 60 years, there are bound to be things you disagree on, but that doesn't necessarily mean you need to throw the baby out with the bath water.

[corythatwas]

Not sure it's got any harder in this generation: they had divorce 30 years ago and it was not exactly unheard of.

[SomeOtherFuckers]

I think it's more that before people COULDNT leave .. it wasn't a viable option legally, socially etc

[m0therofdragons]

I never understood people saying marriage is hard. Life sometimes gets busy and dh and I need to regroup sometimes but that's as bad as it gets. Having said that, friends around me seem to struggle and often seem to be looking out for something better.

[GreenShadow]

No harder now if you want to stay - until you log onto MN that is!

I'm always horrified how often posters are told to leave for one, often minor, indiscretion.
If a marriage was worth getting into the first place, then surely it's worth working for.

[Crumbs1]

I think for some people it is but for lots, the hedonism of our modern 'tolerant' culture is abhorrent. I think growing up not thinking casual sex and disposable relationships are the norm is harder. I think because divorce or just leaving partnerships is socially acceptable and easier it means some people are less tolerant of their spouses human failings and less forgiving. That said, it has to be good that women aren't stuck in abusive relationships and can leave unhappiness behind (butbsad the grass is not always greener).
I don't find being married hard. My friends are nearly all happily married. Our siblings are all happily married. I suspect it gets easier to be happily married as you age.

[scaryteacher]

I wonder if there is a sense of disappointment when marriage doesn't turn out to be constant instant gratification, or instagram picture perfect. People seem so focused on a wedding, and not the marriage that comes after. I've loved watching dh change over the last 31 years....and I love the person he has become even more than I did when we got married.

[HappyFlappy]

I think a lotto marriages stayed intact because women (and their children) had no rights and no money if they left the breadwinner.

They were expected to shut up and put up with whatever abuse they suffered. Women in general are more confident, and have more legal rights and more chances to have a career that pays enough for them and their children to live on if their circumstances force it.

Just because a marriage was a long one, doesn't mean it was necessarily a happy one.

[phoenix1973]

It's harder. There are many more distractions. And temptations.
It is no easier to get out of an unhappy relationship than it was years ago.
Everyone expects bigger, better, more. 🙄NOW!

Plus it doesn't help that for certain incomes it's easier to live apart or pretend to for more benefits.

Great way to encourage family values...🙄

One of my mates hb hit her. Instead of being outraged, she just said to me" it's everyone, xxxx hb hit her the other day. Life is so fucking hard for relationships".😕

[BadTasteFlump]

I don't know if it's harder than it used to be - how can anybody?

I have to say I find my marriage (17 ish years) one if the easiest and most rewarding things in my life. Yes you have to put the effort in and make time for each other, but I've never found it hard at all - and maybe I'm over simplifying, but surely if your marriage is hard work, you married the wrong person?

[DrDreReturns]

It's more socially acceptable to get divorced now than it was, say, fifty years ago. That's all. There were just as many (if not more) unhappy marriages back in the day imo.

[sheepskinshrug]

I don't find marriage hard - I love dh, love spending time with him. I think it's great that divorce is less stigmatised now, I pleaded with my parents to get divorced but they wouldn't - not the done thing - listening to their rows terrified me as a child, it was torture at times.

[HipsterRaccoon]

I agree marriage is hard, and is definitely easiest to leave than it used to be. Just means people don't spend their lives trapped in unhappy marriages though, not that the marriages are necessarily worse than they used to be. Expectations have definitely changed.

[ChickenVindaloo2]

Well we're all living longer. Harder to stay in love with someone for 80 years than it is for 20. Maybe.

[Zoflorabore]

I think modern technology has a lot to answer for! My df reconnected with an old school friend 10 yrs ago and had an affair and left my dm, ok they could have bumped into each other in town I suppose but I do think there's a lot of relationships that have crumbled due to situations like this.

[Iseesheep]

bigchris. I wish! 6 weeks into an at least 9 monther and no contact yet - no call, letter, e-mail, Skype or smoke signal. Pesky Army and their random 'he's gone where?!' jobs.

I think it only seems harder 'these days', to me at least, because it's almost the norm to marry and separate at least once. I've been married 22 years and have seen a real change in attitudes to relationships in that time. Personally I can't be arsed with swapping and changing. And I quite like the absent auld bugger.

[Smellbellina]

No I think it is becoming harder again for people in abusive relationships to leave though.

[peachgreen]

I think it's easier. Counselling is more readily available, men are (in general) far more in touch with their feelings, women are (in general) treated with more respect, more emphasis is placed on actively working to keep a relationship happy and healthy etc etc. I guess there IS more opportunity to cheat what with mobile phones etc but other than that, I think it's easier. Statistically it's less likely but I suspect there were a LOT of very unhappy marriages back in the 50s - 70s!

[MsVestibule]

Nope, I don't find marriage hard. We still like each other, give each other the space we need, spend a lot of time together as a couple/family and tolerate each other's failings.

Unless there are separate issues - for example children with SN, serious money issues etc, there is no reason why marriage should be hard, as long as both parties are prepared to make some effort.

[SaucyJack]

No, I don't think it's harder.

I think we have higher expectations of life quality these days- which isn't a particularly bad thing.

Life was pretty grim for many in days gone by.