To be offended at my mums actions?

[Homebirdmama]

I live in a different part of the country to my family. We are actually moving back there in a couple of weeks.
I didn't realise a lot would surface about my childhood and how my mum always seemed to favourite my sister. Anyway, that's another back story. The move will be absolutely to our advantage and our toddler will have an upbringing in lovely surroundings etc.

So my sister and I our doing the same course. I passed my exams a few months ago. I have it on hold now until we move due to moving stress and also I had a big anxiety episode. My sister passed her exams last week.

I was just on the phone to my mum and she dropped in conversation that she was getting my sister a congratulations card. Well. I got so choked up I had to cut the phone call short.

I know a lot of you will probably tell me to grow up and pull up my big girls pants. This is just the latest example of favouritism I've experienced throughout my life from my mum. I think it's come as a shock because it's not happened a lot since I've lived up the country. I guess there hasn't been to many situations where it could happen if that makes sense!

AIBU???

[Mrdarcyfanclub]

Your sister, who is the recipient of the favouritism, is oblivious and your father, who should have been looking out for you, is also oblivious. You are tolerant of their obliviousness to the point that you are not recognising the potential toxicity of their obliviousness. In other words, you are oblivious to a lot as well. I suspect that the relationship with your father and sister is 'nice' only because you play certain roles and don't rock the boat that they have nice upper-deck cabins in, whilst you scrub the decks

This

My ds is certain that there was no favouritism, because it suits her to believe that. But really, as the recipient, she definitely knew and colluded with it by always being mummy's little helper. For instance, she went with my mother to buy clothes to give to MY first born, thus depriving me of one of the few occasions that I would get mother and daughter time (she already had a child, so would have realised what that meant/hadn't missed out herself). It was incredibly painful.

Unfortunately in these situations, everyone tends to take sides: my father colluded because he was too weak to stand up to her and my third (oldest) sister believes that she was the only one who had a tough time (!).

If it happened now, I would call my mother out on it every single time (she is dead now, so I can't resolve it) But years of counselling has convinced me that it's not right and it leads to low self esteem and unequal relationships with others.

congratulations on passing your exam! And surround yourself with people who love you.