To think I may never work again?

[GreenHairDontCare]

I've worked all my life until a few years ago when I had a huge, awful breakdown. My MH is now the best it's been for ages but I still struggle, there are days I can't bear to leave the house and my immune system is on the floor so I get every bug going.

I'm in a great routine now of school runs, housework, plenty of time to myself and very little stress. I'm fairly sure that that's key to my continuing recovery.

Dh earns very decent money and I have no qualifications, so any job would be a minimum wage gig. I did have a brief stint as a sales manager before my crash, but as it turns out I got that job bullshitted my way into it while hypomanic and it wasn't sustainable. I have three DC and the thought of going back to the merry go round of holiday childcare and before and after school clubs leaves me absolutely gibbering. We wouldn't see any financial gain when you take everything into account. I'm also in a bit of a benefits trap in that if I get a job I'd obviously lose ESA, and then if it doesn't work out I'd have to go through the whole awful process of reapplying.

No one wants me to work, dh and the kids are very happy to have me at home (they're very happy to have me alive, frankly) but I do get the fear and guilt sometimes over being a drain on everyone. I was reading a thread earlier about a SAHM with a teenager and she got absolutely slated, and I worry that people think I'm just a lazy cunt who leeches off dh.

Should I just make peace with the fact this is how it is? Is anyone else in a similar situation and knows what I'm babbling on about?

[deranger01]

Also, my mum hasn't worked outside the house in nearly 40 years, but she's lived a worthwhile life, she's got a huge pool of adoring grandkids that she's spent a lot of time with, cared for elderly parents and her own dc. You can't say that's not a life worth living just because she didn't shuffle off and bring in money they didn't need after we went to school. I think she had maybe 8 years of having kids al at school before she became a granny.

[Tomsdottir]

I'm curious about your question. You say, "No-one wants you to work." Isn't it more accurate to say that no-one wants you to do a terrible stressful low paid job just for the sake of trying to prove something to all the haters out there who are always looking for someone to judge?" It doesn't matter what other people want so much: what do YOU want?
If you are getting ESA, you can do "permitted work" that is work of up to (that is less than) 16 hours a week earning £120 or less without losing your benefit. The idea is that people on ESA are not put off trying out work because they are worried about losing their benefit. You can read more about this on the Disability Rights UK or Turn2us website.
Some people really do benefit from staying at home and have tremendously supportive and rich home lives: going out to work would destroy their recovery. Others benefit from getting out and about and doing a bit of work to get back into the wider world more regularly: staying at home erodes their confidence in their ability to work and they acquire habits of helplessness. There's no hard and fast rule - it's what's best for you that counts. Before you even thought about going out to work I hope you would talk to your GP. I had a friend who was bipolar who wasn't able to work for 40 years and she had a very rich, happy life with her family and friends. She was a single parent on benefits, so didn't have a lot of money, but she got by. She had been a hospital nurse in her youth, but was in NO WAY able to work any longer. So what - she was one of the kindliest, loveliest gentlest women I ever knew.
As for all those haters - the only way to make some people happy is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.

[Thinkingofausername1]

Hi op
I understand how you feel. I have a long term health a issue and because of so many appointments and how draining they are; it's just not possible for me to work. I'm going through the letting go' stage at the moment and trying to accept that I won't ever be a successful; attractive and motivated woman I wanted to be. As long as we can be there for our family that's the main thing x

[withouttea]

I feel for you. I have had a really tough few years with MH issues, and I've not worked FT for 4 years. Not worked at all really for a year or two. I had a professional career before (which I could not cope with as my MH declined).

My DH (second husband of only three years, although we've been together five years) has been utterly fantastic. He works from home and earns enough to keep us and DH in comfy circumstances. He really couldn't have been more supportive or kinder. He just wants me to be well & happy.

Part of my journey has been to learn that I have value just by being. I don't have to 'earn' my place by doing anything or earning money. This is not what I was taught growing up - love was 'earned' in my family. So that's been challenging (and interesting).

Funnily enough a hobby of mine has now turned into a very small business and I'm beginning to earn some money from that. (Yeay!) and that feels good, and is gentle and fun. It had the time to grow without pressure.

And I feel a lot better now having given myself the time to get better and I would really suggest you are kind and gentle with yourself. 💐