No language and big tantrums

[2boytrouble]

I nanny for a little boy who will be 2 next month!

His parents speak Urdu, but I am English. He understands no Urdu and is slowly picking up English! I've been with him since November. He understands things like "sit down" "shoes", but doesn't understand more complex things like "are you hungry?"

Ok, that's where we're at!

The problem is now he's having massive tantrums, they last up t an hour, it'll be over something as simple as leaving the park and during them, there's no touching him, no way to cuddle him because he just won't let it happen!

I'm out of ideas, I've tried singing to soothe him as he usually likes this, but he screams louder and more intensely! I've tried playing with the other boy, but he doesn't come to join in. I've tried cuddling him, but he screams louder and tries to get out of it!

I need help, how can I get him to calm down, he doesn't understand anything I say in respect to calming down and these tantrums are so bad! I couldn't get him off the grass in the park today through screaming so just sat by his side and waited it out (35 minutes was the length of this one)

Please... any ideas!!

[user1493022461]

You have no idea if he understands Urdu or not, how could you if he doesn't speak and you don't know any Urdu? You have no clue.
You also don't know how much English he understands if he doesn't speak.

It's for his parents to decide if he needs hearing tests or interventions or baby signing, not his nanny.

Also you are using ! where you want a .

[steppemum]

Can I please do some debunking of myths?

1. bi-lingual children do not learn to speak slower than monolingual children.
   

BUT it can appear so, because if you have 20 words in Urdu and 20 words in English, people think you have 20 words, whereas actually you have 40.

1. It is totally normal for him to have no English if you haven't been with him long, a child at home with Urdu speaking parents aged 2 would normally begin speaking in Urdu, regardless of how many cartoons he has watched. If you have recently taken over his care, then he has just had a sudden switch into English, which will set his language back.
   

1. learning makaton or any other sign language does NOT hinder spoken language, in fact it helps it. That is assuming that you are using language and sign together, if you stop speaking then yes it would hinder speach!
   

1. being behind in his understanding of English at this point does not mean there is an issue. You need to know if he is behind in his uderstanding of Urdu.

[usernumbernine]

Has his hearing been tested? (I know that's dead basic)

[BlackeyedSusan]

use now/next pictures.

use simple sentences. (match plus one. eg if he says car, you say red car...)

if he does allow touch, firm hold, rock in one direction.

sitting next to him and riding out the tantrum is also ok. rty not to add any more sensory stuff at this point. (eg sit quietly, no singing,)

make sure he is well fed, and watered not too hot or cold. (what I say about ds)

[Flopjustwantscoffee]

But it's not just being behind with talking is it? He is also. Dry behind with understanding which is a much bigger issue I would have thought. My (also bilingual) child was a little bit slow to start using full sentences etc (it was almost like he was figuring all the rules out in his mind) but then very very quickly caught up. His understanding of both languages was extremely good though. And myschool - I don't think anyone is suggesting the parents are neglectful are they? The thing about him watching cartoons came from the parents themselves, and I think most people are agreed this is unlikely to be the cause!

[maddening]

My ds didn't really speak till he was 3 - he did clearly understand though.

He had speech therapy but I think phonics helped the most at pre-school - which really focuses on the sounds - which was part of his speech problem once he did actually talk at 3.

On another note I saw something recently talking about how babies understand their parents language more easily as they hear the sounds predominant in their language later on in pregnancy and as newborns - so the language barrier might be there when learning English sounds.

[MyschoolMyrules]

And fwiw, DS2 had no words at 2, said his first single words at 3 and sentences at 5. And it is not because we were not talking to him, it's because he has a speech disorder. We spoke to him all the time. There are many reasons why speech develops differently in some children, and I find it really ignorant that people conclude, with such little information, that his are parents are neglectful.

[MyschoolMyrules]

When leaving the park, just give him a warning, say 'you can have a snack in 5 minutes (breadstick, fruit, whatever you normally give him) so it stops being about stopping something he enjoys but starting something else he likes. Snack in the pushchair. Distraction. There are many ways to use bribes and positive reward to encourage positive behaviour. Think strategically and plan. You want to avoid trigger so plan carefully as to when he has tantrums and what starts them.

The language issue is a concern obviously. Are you with him full time? Also, even if he responds well to sounds doesn't mean he doesn't have a hearing problem. It could be glue ear for example.

When speaking to him always use his name, get his attention first. Speak in short sentences and repeat key words. Encourage him to listen for noise, support improving his listening skills. Make lots of sounds that he can imitate - train, airplane, car, etc. Narrate his play, in short sentences.

consistantly repeat action words such as 'more' when eating, walk, run, jump, kick, etc. So he can associate new words with actions.

Offer choices, would you like the red cup or the orange cup? Give him the opportunity to choose, throughout the day, many times a day.

Listen to his answers, even if they are non verbal. Praise any noise, all noises even if it's banging on pans with wooden spoons.

And get a referral. Speech development is a very complex thing and it is not necessarily a sign of autism. I don't think anyone here is in a position to offer a valid diagnosis.

[KC225]

What language do the parents use to speak to him?

[highneeds]

He's only two, it's not totally unusual for a two year old to have limited language. There could be many reasons for him having huge meltdowns, not just ASD. My DS has had many, many almighty meltdowns and I'm pretty sure he doesn't have ASD, he's calming down now that he can talk more.

[TheRealPooTroll]

Teaching signing, using pictures/objects of reference and working on his verbal language - lots of reading/singing etc will likely help the frustration a bit. But he's not yet 2. An almighy tantrum over something like leaving the park isn't abnormal for a lot of children at this age. I wouldn't try and stop it. I'd sympathise using limited vocab 'I know, it's sad. We have to go' and just be near him if he doesn't want to be held. Try to use lots of emotion words so he begins to understand them as children with these words in their vocab regulate their emotions better.

[oldbirdy]

A child wouldn't not understand his mother tongue because he watches cartoons in a different language. That sounds like a rationale parents have come up with to explain to themselves why he isn't speaking. A child whose language is derived from the TV rather than from humans - unless they literally never interact with him - is showing atypical language development. I agree he needs to see a paediatrician, have a hearing test etc. Ideally he could do with a speech therapy referral too. He needs taking to the health visitor to coordinate making appropriate referrals.

[cestlavielife]

Start using pictures and photos to allow choices and show him what is happening next.
Spend few days taking pictures of every thing during the day then print and laminate so you can show park finished.
Go home. Play with toys. Eat. See if there is a developmental drop in play group for ideas.

[marthastew]

Sound like ASD to me. He needs to see GP to be referred. Waiting lists are long so do it asap.

[JustAKitten]

DS is like this. I think he's autistic but I keep getting fobbed off. I just wait it out.

[TheMonkeyandthePlywoodViolin]

Many kids watch cartoons a lot and still develop language. Sounds like he needs am assessment.

[highneeds]

I've heard that bi/multi-lingual children are much slower to acquire language, it could be this? This might be frustrating for him as well. I've heard that Makaton can slow down further the acquiring of verbal language so that could complicate it further but I'm not an expert. I'm sure his frustrations and tempers will reduce as his language picks up, it might just be a case of waiting for that to happen. Good luck.

[HumphreyCobblers]

Has he had a hearing test? You can find that children will respond to their name or loud noises yet still have significant hearing loss.

[marabounuts]

well, he doesn't speak/understanding English either bar a few words.

[RandomMess]

In the meantime start using baby signing? I found this fantastic for my DC that had speech delay.

[AssassinatedBeauty]

I don't see how not understanding or speaking his parents language can be put down to just having watched a lot of cartoons in English. Didn't his parents talk to him at all?

[MissAdaSmith]

bilingual or trilingual kids do tend to pick up speaking skills a bit later, especially boys

nonsense. there is lots of research which has debunked the multilingual myth. often, these children speak even earlier. and as for boys talking late.... don't get me even started. apart from that he has no understanding either

[MrsMoastyToasty]

Is he on the autism spectrum?

[Trifleorbust]

He understands no Urdu and barely any English at 2?!

[UppityHumpty]

Bilingual or trilingual kids do tend to pick up speaking skills a bit later, especially boys - both brothers (and now my nephews too) didn't really start to talk until 3 but by then were fluent in 4 languages. Try signing if you want him to follow an instruction. In my culture we use simple words to describe certain things, Urdu might have similar - eg mumum for food, lala for sleep, bachi for blanket etc