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AIBU?

To think that a basic knowledge of sex does not rob a child if innocence?

51 replies

malificent7 · 17/04/2017 16:19

Dd has known how babies are made since the age of about 5 when she asked how babies were made.
I didnt go into unecessary detail but ive made it clear that it is normal and natural.
She is now 8 and some of those close to me are shocked that she knows about the facts of life. This is made worse as she talks about boys and girls "going out" at school. By this she means they ask each other out and then never talk to each other again apart from to dump them.
Some people are shocked and think its too young and its because she knows about sex.
Imo thus is all completely batueal. Dd is just as much into fossils and Santa as she is into the dacts of life.

Aibu to think that educating your child about sex does not mean that they will be overly sexualised and hit tinder before the age of 16?

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cosytoaster · 17/04/2017 17:23

YADNBU - I have been v open with mine and they have known the 'facts of life' from being aged about 5 and have taken it all in their stride - they were always surprised in sex ed lessons in school about how giggly and immature some of their peers were.

MrsJayy · 17/04/2017 17:53

My mum told be nothing I thought i was going go bleed to death when i got my period, and when she was pregnant with my sibling i asked how it would get out magic apparently i was 11 years old. I didn't want that nonsense with my Dds so just answered questions when they asked and they always knew about periods from young as a bodily function,

Hygellig · 17/04/2017 18:14

DD is 4 and talks about sperm and eggs. Both kids have a very basic idea of how babies are made.

malificent7 · 17/04/2017 18:18

I think what my family are most worried about is when dd talks about "going out" with boys. Everyone in year 4 does apparently. I think itsuts a bit young but prob sadly normal. Xx

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MackerelOfFact · 17/04/2017 18:29

Of course it doesn't destroy their innocence. If you give them a biological matter-of-fact explanation, they will accept it in an innocent, biological matter-of-fact way.

If you start telling them about foreplay, orgasms and S&M then, yes, of course that's going way too far! But who the hell would give a child that kind of information?!

overwroughtowl · 17/04/2017 18:31

Dd is 4 and knows the proper words for genitals, basics of periods (she's seen me changing pads) and sex in age appropriate language. She's very inquisitive. Also I think it's important for them to be informed as it gives them an awareness of what shouldn't be touched or happen to them and if it does (God forbid) can communicate precisely what happened.

SuperRainbows · 17/04/2017 18:41

Tell your family to wind their necks in. She's your dd, so it's your choice as to what is appropriate. My eldest dd knew loads by 5 because she asked. My youngest dd has only just asked at 9.
Do they always interfere or is it just on this topic?

CrazedZombie · 17/04/2017 18:42

Of course you're right.

I remember being judged for telling my toddler where their chicken or fish came from. One of my kids became veggie for 6 months as a result but I still think I'm right to have told them.

Kids understand that sex is for adults in the same way that beer and driving is. I'm surprised that an 8 year old wouldn't know tbh. Sexy is often used in pop songs and pre-watershed programmes like Britain's Got Talent.

CrazedZombie · 17/04/2017 18:44

Year 4 going out doesn't even go as far as sitting together at lunch. Your family needs to chill 😂 Kids like the idea of saying that they are going out because they are emulating Disney Channel or older teens.

BrandMombie · 17/04/2017 18:51

'Going out' at her age shouldn't be any cause for concern. When they are 'official' they actually tend to avoid each other, like the plague . It's funny to see (TA here!).
I completely agree with your approach to being honest with your DD. My LO is only 2 at the moment, however I am honest with every question that is asked and I will continue to stay that way. The more facts they have, the less curious their minds are. There's no point in lying (e.g baby comes from the stork), being honest protects them. My LO even watched the infamous April give birth this weekend, and was completely amazed!

Tanfastic · 17/04/2017 19:18

I've always been honest with ds from an early age. He's now 9 and pretty much knows the ins and outs (no pun intended! ).

I'd rather he was armed with all the info before they learn it at school. I don't want him having a heart attack 😂.

MrsJayy · 17/04/2017 19:29

The going out is totally normal they usualy get dumped by hometime

MrsJayy · 17/04/2017 19:30

The ins and outs

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 17/04/2017 19:41

My 4yo boy knows the basics of how babies are made and knows that when girls grow up they get periods (because he's seen my sanpro and asked what they were). We've also discussed the pants rule. We've briefly touched on body hair because he asked what my razor was. I think honesty is the best policy, and I think it's massively important to normalise it all aswell.

TheNaze73 · 17/04/2017 19:44

YANBU

Whatsername17 · 17/04/2017 19:50

It is absolutely vital. Basic knowledge of sex with a focus on positive body image and a sound understanding of consent is a must. I teach sex Ed to 14-15 year olds. It would make you weep the amount of young people who have no clue about sex or consent. I had a boy who had started a sexual relationship with his girlfriend but was worried about the 'group sex' aspect that he thought was supposed to follow sex. I kid you not. He learned about the birds and the bees by googling it and watching porn, as a result, he thought it went: kissing, touching, blow job, sex, group sex. I won't even get started on the amount of kids who think they should share naked selfie simply because the other person has said they want to see a picture. Arm them with knowledge and the confidence to make their own decisions.

Graphista · 17/04/2017 19:54

Another clear and honest parent here. I too think not only doesn't wreck their innocence but can potentially protect them.

Plus I've discovered from dd telling me that all the old nonsense myths are STILL circulating and then some.

She's 16 now and tells me that there are kids her age that think

You don't get pregnant the first time
Condoms completely protect from all sti's and pregnancy
You don't get pregnant if you do it standing up etc etc I'm sure you all know some of these.

My dd was utterly 'I'm never doing that' in reference to both sex and having babies when she was younger. We're currently dealing with her first broken heart and I'm finding that MUCH harder to help her with.

Graphista · 17/04/2017 19:59

I posted that without having seen whaternames post but I am not at all surprised. I've drummed into dd about consent and not succumbing to peer pressure and I hope it's stuck. Some of her friends are struggling with aspects of relationships at this age, like being called 'frigid' or 'slut' by boys and girls, some realising they're not necessarily heterosexual, with parents not being very accepting of that it's a ruddy minefield!

Rollonbedtime7pm · 17/04/2017 20:37

I remember a scene in Educating Essex and there was a group of 15/16 year old girls doing a task in a sex Ed lesson and they had a genuine discussion about whether it was boys or girls who make the sperm

I will never allow that kind of unnecessary ignorance in my children and so if they ask, I answer.

My DS (7) and DD (4) discovered all the facts when I had their sister last year and surprise - they still behave like small children and don't give it another thought for 99% of their lives!

MrsJayy · 17/04/2017 20:53

1 of my Dds told me kids in her year were having anal sex to prevent pregnancy my jaw hit the floor i was so shocked .

Graphista · 18/04/2017 01:38

Mrsjayy that doesn't surprise me.

malificent7 · 18/04/2017 06:05

My dp actually dosnt want his dd to know too much about sex. She is 7/8.
I think its bizarre. Apparently my dd shouldnt talk to his dd about it. (To be fair he admits he needs to loosen up a bit. ) i think he struggles with his dd growing up
He is also adamant that in his dds school there is no talk about "going out" and that the kids there are more innocent.
He's in denial isnt he? I have told him very clearly that im not apologetic that dd knows the basics. I think hed much rather she stayed into faries and the like.

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heron98 · 18/04/2017 07:03

I absolutely agreee. I told my DC where babies come from when he was 2 and I became pregnant with DC2. Sex is not a dirty secret - it's the facts of life and nothing to be ashamed of.

Wh0Kn0wsWhereTheTimeGoes · 18/04/2017 07:36

I completely agree too, but have struggled a bit as my two have never asked questions or shown the least bit of interest.

Oblomov17 · 18/04/2017 07:45

I too agree with telling it how it is. Ds2 hasn't shown much interest though, so I haven't told him as much as I did ds1.

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