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AIBU?

To wish she would just say what she wants (another MIL special)

66 replies

DuvetSofaTelly · 09/04/2017 17:46

To an extent i know I'm being unreasonable.
I asked family (PIL, DH, DS) what they would like for breakfast. Standard full English items, but didn't want to cook too much or too little. MIL tells me that she can 'only manage eggs and toast '.
Now I've heard this before, and know its a lie. If i dish just that up for her, she'll complain we're having sausage and bacon and beans too, if i put it in a serving dish she'll take food she's not 'ordered' and it will inevitably be me going short.
I know the ridiculous expectations of women and food are still going strong, and they were particularly bad in the 50s and 60s when MIL was young, but AIBU to think that among family you could just bloody tell me what you would like. I couldn't care less if you have double what the rest of us have!

OP posts:

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thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 09/04/2017 18:34

Maybe make her pancakes instead...

To wish she would just say what she wants (another MIL special)

Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 18:40

If she's asked for eggs on toast and others have asked for a full English them that's what she'd get here. Ban her from the kitchen until it's all plated up,

DuvetSofaTelly · 09/04/2017 18:44

thatwould yes! Any awesome idea!
thinking open plan kitchen with island. It's difficult

OP posts:

BellyDancer124 · 09/04/2017 18:46

Sorry I'm missing the point here.. but my mil does exactly what yours does with regards to fibbing about food, fat shaming everyone and eating in secret! It infuriates me!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/04/2017 18:47

My mother does this, it annoys me greatly.

She now gets precisely what she orders no matter how ridiculous served directly to a plate that is handed to her and when she tries to take other people food she gets told not to.

Far to many days when she just asked for a fucking handful of bastard cashew nuts and a fig then took someone else's salmon and scrambled egg and didn't touch the nuts and fig

rookiemere · 09/04/2017 18:48

Plate hers up- you've got an excuse anyway as the eggs need to go on the toast.

Serve up the rest communally and if you spot her trying to take any then say in a loud voice "You just asked for eggs so I didn't realise that you wanted bacon and sausage as well. DH can you get the frying pan out again and do some bacon and sausage for your DM as I only made enough for people who said they wanted it"

That should learn her.

nowahousewife · 09/04/2017 18:49

Yep, mine seems to have think she needs to eat every 3 hours or she'll faint - needs to keep her blood sugar up with a sugary tea and a piece of cake. Yup that's why the dr has told you you're pre-diabetic

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/04/2017 18:51

Why bother asking her? When I have guests for big late weekend breakfast I ask who wants a fried egg (or two) but everything else goes on big dishes on the table, help yourselves. 2 rashers bacon and at least one sausage each, plus fried potatoes, mushrooms, beans, tomatoes, toast.
It all gets eaten, and if anyone's too wimpy to help themselves to what they want, that's their lookout.

Rainbunny · 09/04/2017 18:53

I don't think she realises that you're trying to accurately portion what you cook.

If you end up with extra sausage/bacon etc can you chop them up to add into soups or salads etc...? I do that all the time.

JamOnMyNose · 09/04/2017 18:58

I don't know why people do this. We have two family members like this, they get offered something and say no no. Then later talk about the person behind their back because they didn't insist they take it. It's so weird.

DuvetSofaTelly · 09/04/2017 19:02

I need to be firmer funny don't i.
I'll chat with DH. He does the childcare while i cook. If he's not happy with it then we'll swap.

OP posts:

rookiemere · 09/04/2017 19:07

Id just start plating up for everyone. Makes more sense if you're working to specific portion sizes.

rollonthesummer · 09/04/2017 19:12

Plate up the food-I don't understand why you wouldn't?!

Thinkingblonde · 09/04/2017 19:15

Smack her hand away with the serving spoon....that'll learn her.

DuvetSofaTelly · 09/04/2017 19:20

rollon i thought it was nicer tho have them serving themselves.
thinking very tempting.....

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sucue · 09/04/2017 19:21

Give her the same as everyone else, if she complains tell her to leave what she doesn't want and someone else will eat it.

She won't leave any.

RedDogsBeg · 09/04/2017 19:30

It's a really irritating trait especially when followed with 'Oliver Twist' like sad eyes when they see what everyone else is having the only intention being to make others feel embarrassed, guilty or greedy which is why I have no qualms calling them out on it.

Bestthingever · 09/04/2017 19:45

God my ILs are like this. What really makes me laugh is mil will pretend she is such a goody two shoes because she doesn't order chips in a restaurant, but will keep eating mine off my plate. I have a fantasy about stabbing her hand with a fork when she does it .

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 09/04/2017 19:45

Ooh I remember that rage. Mil was exactly the same. When she stayed with us I'd cook.
"Ooh no! That's far too much for me! I couldn't possibly manage such a big meal. I don't know how you eat like that. But I suppose we do have very different body shapes, DONT WE?
Then I would go to bed and she would demolish almost every piece of food in the house, including my lunch for work the next day on more than one occasion.

MaidOfStars · 09/04/2017 20:12

Oh Christ, eggs are the only thing I cook to order for a big fry up. Everything else is cooked on spec.

Per person - 2 bacon rashers, a sausage plus odds, 2 hash browns. Anything left over can be wrapped and picked at later.

Then a mound of mushrooms and tomatoes, and toast to share. Left overs dumped.

Cheese etc doesn't need any prep.

PottyForSure · 09/04/2017 20:33

Secret eaters is a relatively new concept to me. A friend of mine eats before going to eat with other people so that it looks like she doesn't eat much. She'll pick at the food and say she is stuffed after a small portion. I don't invite them for dinner anymore as she can eat two dinners but the rest of her family can't and they struggle to eat what you have cooked for them, it's really not worth the effort spending hours in the kitchen only to watch them trying to force a few mouthfuls dowe.

peukpokicuzo · 09/04/2017 20:53

It is absolutely ridiculous to ration a fried breakfast at all, or request detailed pre-orders unless only cooking for one or two people. Everyone wants more than they think once they get started.

Cook all the sausages, all the bacon, all the mushrooms etc etc. Take a show of hands on eggs merely to get a hint as to ratio of fried to scrambled preferences and cook all the eggs one way or the other. Put all the food on the table and let everyone help themselves. It isn't reasonable to expect your MIL or anyone else to accurately predict their actions when faced with a mound of bacon.

Any leftovers will be great in sandwiches next day so there is never any waste.

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Lunde · 09/04/2017 22:18

Oh this thread reminds me so much of my mother's behaviour - the whole needing to be acknowledged as the most virtuous and self-controlled person at the table. The implicit fat shaming and criticism of anyone who ate more. The secret eating of all manner of junk foods - especially sweets and biscuits - in her bedroom. It seemed to be driven by disordered eating and presenting a false image of self-denial and not admitting to eating.

Once when we were staying with a group in a B&B I walked past the dining room and she was in there ahead of the time we'd agreed to eat stuffing her face with toast and marmelade. I didn't reveal that I'd seen her - but when the whole group assembled she claimed that she couldn't possibly eat a big breakfast and that we were all going to gain weight eating "fattening" toast!

The worst would be when we ordered chinese take-away. She would always claim that she couldn't possible eat a large meal and that we should not order a meal for her - she would just have a cuppa soup or perhaps "pick at" 1 or 2 of the starters. Of course this was complete bullsh*t and she would eat at large portion and demand to know why we hadn't ordered enough crispy duck! After the one time we didn't have enough food we just nodded and smiled and ordered a full portion for her.

If she is prone to stealing the food that she hasn't ordered anyway, leaving you without then I think that in the end you have a couple of choices:

plate everyones meal in the kitchen and hand them out individually so that she gets exactly what she has ordered.
Don't bother cooking to order and give everyone the same cooked breakfast and assume she is going to want it despite her claim to just want an egg.

Cherrysoup · 09/04/2017 22:40

Nice me would cook the same for everyone. Bitch me would hand over eggs on toast as requested then sit there with an empty plate and sad eyes when she asked for more and I'd make damn sure I moaned about her only wanting eggs on toast. She needs to be more honest.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 10/04/2017 00:41

When we have guests (or even sometimes when we're not) my DC love playing cafés (even at 12 now) and go round and take orders (and how would you like your eggs?), they have a list of what's on offer. Then I plate up and serve. I'll usually cook the odd bit of bacon or sausage extra (if it doesn't get eaten it'll be good for sandwiches) but eggs are cooked to order.

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