Letters home to parents of Uni students?

[Butteredparsnip1ps]

Posting for traffic, and looking for perspective. AIBU is whether I have given DD the right advice.

DD1 is in first year of Uni and enjoying it. Likes the course, loved placement, works hard / plays hard. Today though, her group were subjected to an angry 20 minute rant about poor attendance and threatened with letters home to parents.

There are some ironies here. As DD said, what was the point of ranting at the people who had turned up, when those who were absent missed it? Also her group includes a number of mature students who have missed lectures due to childcare and family issues. Are they going to get letters sent home to their parents too?

Although DD is on top of her work, she was worried as she missed some sessions before Xmas and again at the end of January due to illness. She suspects she may have a letter sent home, and rang in a bit of a panic.

My slightly cynical opinion is that the course leaders have become aware of poor attendance overall and so the Tutors have had a verbal kicking that they have passed down to students.

FWIW DD is very driven and doesn't bunk off. If there were any issues as a result of her illness, it would be possible to ask the GP she saw to confirm it, and we would of course support her. My hunch actually is that the rant probably wasn't aimed people like her, but at habitual non-attendees.

But. She is an adult who is paying for her education, so frankly whether she turns up or not (and the consequences) are hers. Why on earth would a university send letters to parents? And what would happen to the mature students? Surely all students should be treated the same??

So AIBU, or just precious?

Yes. I am. But I'm a really unimpressive mid-career academic.

Well, were in exactly the same boat there, then.

I haven't read all the thread but my first thought was that the lecturer probably said something like 'I feel like writing to all your parents' and that the OPs DD misinterpreted that to mean that he was actually intending to write to them. I can't believe any lecturer would be unaware that they can't write to parents.... 🤷🏻‍♀️

BTW. Parents are meant to help pay for their adult DC to attend Uni so I actually don't think the idea of getting attendance updates is that crazy. Students may be adults but not all of them are independant adults.

We happily pay for our DCs tuition and living expenses at Uni as we know they work hard and take it seriously. If I thought they might be bunking off all the time I'd be pissed off even if they are adults.

Would not happen by law.

As pp said: universities are prohibited by data protection law from discussing anything to do with a student with anyone other than the student unless they have permission.

Same in this country. Could have been a misinterpretation? Or a burst of (unprofessional temper) from lecturer?

I'm 31. A local uni I thought about attending sent a letter to my parents inviting them to an open day! Needless to say they declined!

Group work in education is a a poor concept. It involves inconvenient meetings outside class, and the clever students end up carrying out all the work.

Bit of an essay (oh and look prime essay writing time it is too)

Well IF they said that they're talking nonsense cos they can't do that, plus a rant is unprofessional. Likely to be a misunderstanding in terms of what was said as pps have said 'I feel like/am tempted to... 'Will be writing to your home ADDRESS'.

When I was at uni if your attendance was shit, you lost your place.

1st time (nursing) everything was compulsory and unless you had a GREAT reason (practically dying yourself or death or serious illness of immediate family) you'd damn well better be there!

2nd time was after fees and loans had come in and you had to sign in. If attendance fell below I think it was 90% without a really good reason SLC could be informed so you'd risk losing your funding and of course your place. One arrogant sod got his arse handed to him cos he thought as his marks were always 70%+ he didn't have to go, but that was in 1st year and he was warned that subsequent work got harder PLUS lack of attendance was not acceptable and had consequences.

I also noticed lecturers and professors were more likely to have time for committed students than the ones that are hardly there and put in minimal effort.

As a student I also really got annoyed being in group assignments with lazy arses!

Actually you seem to have a somewhat romanticised 'my child would never do that' view of your child. The fact she is so concerned about this that she called to give you a 'heads up' suggests to me that there's a possibility her attendance ISN'T great, also that she's a bit immature and lacks resilience!

My dds 16 if she were at uni now and they tried this her response would've been 'aye right! For starters you'd be in breach of dpa, for another not much point ranting at us when we're the ones that ARE here'

And yes the idea of my uni's using my parents as a threat when I was 21 the first time and in my THIRTIES the 2nd is ridiculous!

"I studied with a 17 year old, so they were a child." Here in Scotland people can attend uni from the age of 16 as a norm. When I went to 6th form college in England in the 80's my college did not communicate with my parents as it was post compulsory education so legally for that purpose I was an adult.

I agree, some lecturers are always more engaging than others but lack of preparation or poor teaching is no longer tolerated (in addition to having been a student I have friends and relatives that work in tertiary education, one is a dept head.) They can't afford to tolerate that now.

Frostyfingers while I get you were worried as your son is I'm assuming an adult with capacity legally, it's not the universities place to parent him or you. There are students estranged from their parents who may even be at risk from their parents so universities risk being culpable in disclosing the location of someone at risk. In addition as you phoned they have NO certainty that you are who you claim to be (one of the mature students on my course had a violent ex who'd called claiming to be her father needing to tell her that her mother had become seriously ill. Utter bullshit he was just trying to track her down! Can you imagine the shit the uni would have got for disclosing she was at their uni?!) If an ADULT student doesn't wish their parents to be given any info that is their right. As he's now left the uni why do you expect ongoing support for him from them? They have no responsibility to him whatsoever!

"He's an English Lit prof and had the temerity to ask a student a question about the set reading she was supposed to have done (but it transpired that she hadn't)." Haha I have to say I found it amusing that students were caught out that the lecturers knew about gradesaver etc too and would ask questions that only those who'd actually read the text could answer.

BlueDa - be careful, sounds like you're in a tough situation but the uni has to serve its own needs. Have you spoken to student support services? Shelter? I was a Lp 2nd time it's bloody hard. Are you getting everything you're entitled to? I'd rather not derail but if you want more info or to chat pm me. Aside from everything else 3rd year is very hard and you don't have to take all the burden yourself. Good luck.

Bloody hell, I'm glad i graduated over 20 years ago! I went to QUB, one of the NI unis mentionned above which apparantly now writes to parents.They certainly didn't back then, and thank god because we had our share of insane and / or useless lecturers, including a social anrhropologist who didn't appear to speak english, and his lectures were only twenty minutes long. Anyway i skipped loads of lectures, we just took turns and swapped notes. I always attended tutorials and handed work in on time though, and got a good degree while partying hard. Letters home to mum would have horrified and amused though!

Not being able to flunk students is as bloody stupid as contacting their parents.

Milady You're totally right. Some of the behviour from students is absolutely despicable. A lot of parents are completely oblivious to just how fucking ignorant and rude their little cherubs are.
Yes, they might have had top marks all through school, behaved well and bagged themselves a place at a top university but once they're outside of the formal surveillance structures of school and college and they feel in control of their education, they turn into fucking little shits. Late to lectures every single time; Facebooking throughout lectures; demanding meetings at the drop of a hat; posting horrible comments about staff on social media; falling asleep in lecture... I could go on.

One of my colleagues (she's a hero) banned students from coming into lectures if they were more than 5 minutes late without a good explanation; she banned all phones and laptops in lectures; she chucked students out of the lecture when they talked or fell asleep. I did an observation of her teaching once and it was amazing- a really engaged, respectful and productive classroom. Guess what, three of the little twats who'd been subject to her new regime complained to the Head of School so my colleague was told she had to reverse everything she'd put in place, despite it working really well for the other 50-odd students. One of the three had her dad ring up to complain. He was some kind of big-timer in business and he actually said to my colleague "do you know who I am?"

sodomeyes What about dyslexic students who use technology to give them a fighting chance at being on the same level as their peers? I'd have failed your colleagues class had I not had my laptop in with me.

Catching My colleague made exceptions for students who had diagnosed additional needs (we get a disability report every year) of course.

However, the argument that some students learn better with a laptop (not dyslexic students) was given as one of the key reasons why electronics should be allowed in lectures. Her argument back was "Not if they're on Facebook".

Actually, there's an increasingly persuasive body of research to suggest that students at every lecture and seminar with laptops do less well.

I've seen then in Facebook, and i call them out on it. I stop speaking in a lecture if i hear a mobile go off, as I'm being polite and allowing them quiet in which to answer. Amazingly they don't want to have a conversation in the hearing of 100 of their peers. They learn to put their phones on silent.

Most of my students are lovely, but there are the one or two entitled arrogant twats in each group. Sometimes they can really spoil the atmosphere and sense of common purpose. But IMO, blame attached to the pushy middle class parenting style we see so much of nowadays. My mature entry students are a joy, and they know how bloody privileged they are, unlike many of my 18 year olds.

Off the point here but I wonder if 18 is too young to go to uni? To be honest I would love a forced period of employment before anyone gets s uni place and they have to prove they have attended and worked hard st their job. Teach them how bloody hard the world of work is and how bloody lucky they are to be there despite the fees.

Mine had jobs at 16+ while doing A levels and you could tell the difference between the kids who had worked before uni and the spoilt ones who hadn't.

FlyAway That's really interesting to read. I totally agree with you, pushy middle-class parents are to blame. Sometimes I read threads on MN (esp. in the higher education board) and I can imagine exactly what the kids will be like at university.

Batgirls Yes, I agree with you. I think 17 is far too young to be deciding on what subject you will get yourself into thousands of pounds of debt for. And 18 is too young to get started on that subject. I worked for two years before I went to university and the difference those two years made was immense. I felt like I was studying with children. I can see the same now I'm on the "other side", students with a bit more life experience have a much better attitude and approach.

I think increased fees will mean that students start going to university later in life, which will be a good thing I think.

BlueDaBaDee Please, please go and see your tutor, or your course director, or the UG admin team, and let them know. They will make a confidential note that you have extenuating circumstances but may ask you to provide evidence. The note (but not the evidence) can then be given to the exam board to show that while you may have poor end of year results, you have good reason. It can also be used to explain poor attendance. The sooner you let them know the better. They may also be able to advise you on financial assistance, or to offer other support.

Well done for managing to achieve high grades while also managing a job and a child!

Batgirls, totally agree. I started an UG degree as a 17-year old and then did a PG in my early 30s, and oh, the difference it made to have some life experience.

I also deal with student appeals in a university, and it's frustrating to see young males especially failing out just because of immaturity - not attending and not handing in work and just assuming there will always be another chance. There won't. They walk away with a huge dent in their confidence and massive debts, and I feel very sad for them.

I'm a university administrator, and reading the academic responses here I'm convinced you're all in my department!

Sodomeyes
Academics may be the brains but they are often left wanting in the common sense department
What does that actually mean, high?

In my world, it means standing by the box labelled "post" and asking if that's where they should put their post, or asking me to provide all the information contained in the email they're replying to. There's more (almost daily) but sometimes I can't work out whether it's lack of common sense, arrogance, or oblivousness.

In my world, it means standing by the box labelled "post" and asking if that's where they should put their post, or asking me to provide all the information contained in the email they're replying to. There's more (almost daily) but sometimes I can't work out whether it's lack of common sense, arrogance, or oblivousness.

In my world (academic in the humanities), that kind of behaviour is limited to a particular kind of senior male academic, who has found that a display of learned helplessness around administrators pays dividends and gets him out of gruntwork.

In my world, it means standing by the box labelled "post" and asking if that's where they should put their post, or asking me to provide all the information contained in the email they're replying to. There's more (almost daily) but sometimes I can't work out whether it's lack of common sense, arrogance, or oblivousness

Aww they are probably doing it on purpose to make you feel important and valued 😁😁😁. Anyway that's what I tell myself when my very academic eldest 25 years old DC visits and asked where the cereal is. The cereal is kept in the same cupboard that's it's always been. FOR EVER. It's never been kept anywhere else. He walked from the kitchen to the living room to ask me. Now, even if he for some weird reason couldn't remember where the cereal was you would think he would at least try opening a couple of cupboards just to look. 🤷🏻‍♀️

K425
For early career researchers, this can be because we're unsure of what we're doing and don't want to fuck up. My University is shit hot on accountability so I'll always ask if in doubt.

For professors, I think it's a mixture of arrogance of obliviousness.

For all, I think it's having about a million things going on in our heads, constantly feeling under pressure for papers, grants and teaching excellence, being harassed by students, being asked to do much more with much less.

Though I do agree that many many of my colleagues completely take administrators for granted.

Mad Agree, male professors have perfected this act

it's frustrating to see young males especially failing out just because of immaturity - not attending and not handing in work and just assuming there will always be another chance. There won't. They walk away with a huge dent in their confidence and massive debts, and I feel very sad for them
Yes!
Also agree about mature students being so much more concientious!

Sometimes I think it's just that they're used to having to be somewhere for say 9am, and understand that 9:20 is not ok!

I work for a university. This isn't allowed. Universities aren't even allowed to confirm your child is a student. Having said that, attendance is such an issue at a lot of unis. We have a team of 10 people working on attendance policy not to mention hundreds of academic and administrative staff across the board.