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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my teenager to try and be happy for a change?

72 replies

Sladurche · 31/03/2017 20:45

I work full time, so does DH. We have a fairly good standard of living. Two cars, grammar school education, leafy suburbs, etc. We go on holiday twice a year to where we have bought a holiday home.
DD1 is 14. From the moment I walk through the door, every day she is in my face; complaining about literally everything. Teachers, friends, pencil case....literally she could find the crap side to any subject you would care to mention. At the moment she is very upset because we are going on holiday and we always go to the same place, she has to spend a couple of days with her grandparents and she won't get to spend any time with her friends over Easter. I am afraid to say that (after several days of the same shit) I lost it and am now drinking a large glass of wine. Her answer "I thought I could trust you. I've got no-one else to talk to" stalked upstairs and slammed the door. AIBU to want her just to buck her ideas up and stop complaining?

OP posts:
creaser · 31/03/2017 22:12

She sounds like a selfish inconsiderate arse. I have one myself he's 15 and nothing you do is good enough everything is a moan. Looks on the negative side of everything never anything positive to say. No please no thank you no conversation. He isn't like this with everyone just me. I count to ten, ignore, count to ten again and then when he has left the room stick two fingers up at the door Confused

Topnotes · 31/03/2017 22:18

Sounding quite entitled to me. She needs to realise what she has ... not what she doesn't have. There are loads of kids in this country who would LOVE to ha e the lifestyle she has. Could she do some voluntary work to make her more appreciative of what she does have ... rather than what she doesn't?

PickAChew · 31/03/2017 22:43

Is the Maldives suddenly the place to be?

MsJudgemental · 31/03/2017 22:50

Why do you need childcare for a 14-year-old?

Original poster
Sladurche · 31/03/2017 22:54

Her friend has been to the Maldives and her other friend is going to Costa Rica. Were going to Italy. We're child abusers.

OP posts:
MsJudgemental · 31/03/2017 22:55

I mean, why does she have to stay with her Gran for the day before you go away because you are working? Don't you trust her to look after herself?

Original poster
Sladurche · 31/03/2017 22:56

Ms Judgemental Call me daft, but I don't want to leave a 14 year old on her own for 8 hours. Four hours max.

OP posts:
llangennith · 31/03/2017 22:57

Oh yes I'm soooo glad I'm not 14-16 years old again 😐

MsJudgemental · 31/03/2017 22:58

Our son was similar about 'having' to go to Italy for 5-7 weeks every year until we went NC with my mother. It's just the way teenagers are. They want to be with their friends unless they are doing something new or going somewhere different.

MsJudgemental · 31/03/2017 22:59

Why can't she be alone for 8-hours? I'm not having a go, just genuinely interested!

Emphasise · 31/03/2017 23:00

Oh dear my 13 yo's been on his own all day today apart from a trip to the driving range, which he organised himself.

Is that maybe the problem? At every stage of my DS's development, from about 8yo up, I've found that the way to improve stroppy/rebellious behaviour is to give them more responsibility.

Fairylea · 31/03/2017 23:02

I think she should be better about going away. Lots of kids don't get any holiday at all. It's a bit entitled of her to be so moody about it.

But I wouldn't make her go out with her grandparents for the day if she doesn't want to. I'd quite happily let my 14 year old stay home for the day (and she has done). If you left her some easy lunch and she has a mobile she can ring you on what could go wrong? My dd loves being home alone, chatting to her friends on the internet and watching seasons of Vampire Diaries...!

Fairylea · 31/03/2017 23:03

Also, could she bring a friend on holiday with you all maybe?

MsJudgemental · 31/03/2017 23:08

This could be part of the problem, as she sees it; that she has no control over her life. You could find that a bit of independence and self-reliance might improve matters. Just saying. Teenagers are a pain.

Original poster
Sladurche · 31/03/2017 23:18

She moans about being on her own as well! I know her and don't think she would cope being on her own for that long.

OP posts:
pinkbraces · 31/03/2017 23:26

Why can't a 14 yr old be on her own? Is it a new law or just crap parenting?

MarciaBlaine · 31/03/2017 23:40

They can be horribly inconsiderate . I have one too. I try to rise above it.

twattymctwatterson · 31/03/2017 23:49

14 is a horrible age. I was miserable, hormonal, depressed and selfish at that age. The fact that you don't think that she'd cope alone for 8 hours shows that you infantilise her a bit though. Perhaps she'd respond better if you allowed her a bit more independence

PinkFlamingo545 · 31/03/2017 23:51

Sladurche

I will add what I think, but don't think I am having a dig at you Op but this is the way I see it

You treat your daughter like a baby - and then complain about her acting like one!

It is completely ludicrous that at age 14, unless there are some seriously extenuating circumstances, that she cannot be allowed home alone for eight hours.....she DOES NOT NEED CHILDCARE.

You are seriously enabling this childish whinging. LET HER GROW UP!

For the people saying she sounds like she needs a cuddle, no she sounds like she wants everything her own way all the time, and if she don't get it, she will have a tantrum...like the child that you treat her to be, she is behaving how she thinks she needs to, in order to get what she wants

As parents of teenagers, we all reach a point where they would rather not holiday with family - why not let her stay with a friend?

You need to realise she is not a chid any more, before she rebels!

Unpropergrammer · 31/03/2017 23:53

Yanbu about the holiday. You've offered her the alternative of staying at home with gps she said no. So unless she can think of a better plan than 'cancel the holiday' she ha to come.

I do think you can leave a 14 year old at home for eight hours though. I was babysitting till midnight at that age.

PinkFlamingo545 · 31/03/2017 23:53

Sorry but people are making excuses as teenager years being horrible....no they aren't for everyone. Being a teenager doesn't suddenly mean you turn into a misery guts

PinkFlamingo545 · 31/03/2017 23:54

She moans about being on her own as well! I know her and don't think she would cope being on her own for that long

you cannot hold her hand for the rest of her life, you know.

Original poster
Sladurche · 01/04/2017 03:34

I do let her quite a bit of independence. She's at home alone after school and she has the freedom to travel on train and bus to friends houses and go off to lunch and shops. However, she does suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and if left alone for too long starts to get panicky. I don't "infantalise" her; if anything I'm trying to get her to take more responsibility. She does feel out of control; she would prefer not to go to school and would prefer not to do exams and would prefer not to eat the dinner I've cooked, but have me cook something else. These arguments are all caused by (failed) attempts to control. I have said to her we have three days at home before we go on holiday. One of them, I had arranged for her to go with her sister to her grandparents overnight on Sunday so we don't wake her up early on Monday morning with our alarm (another thing to complain about). I'm trying to give her options.
By the way, the law is (and has been for a while) that there is no age limit to leaving a child alone or a time limit. Technically, you can leave a newborn and go on holiday. If that child comes to any harm at all, you will be done for neglect. If you leave a younger child with the older child and they come to harm, it's child endangerment.

OP posts:
Justanothernameonthepage · 01/04/2017 07:52

Meh, she's a teen and it sounds as though she's going through a particularly hormonal time. I was a horrible moody overdramatic teen from around 14 to 16. I look back and feel terrible for my parents, but at the time it seemed like there was no other way to be. Telling me to be happy and appreciate what I had (although I was super lucky) wouldn't have worked and would have made me feel even more alienated. She's at the stage of wanting to be a treated as an adult but without any awareness of adult responsibilitys. Explain) that the holiday is for family, and sometimes we do things for others even if we'd rather do something else. But that you are listening and next time something is being planned in her free time, she'll be involved is the decision.

Kennington · 01/04/2017 08:05

I used to go bonkers ranting as a teen. For about 1 week per month.
Anyway there is stuff all interesting in the Maldives in comparison to Italy. Just talk her down.

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