to not pick DS up

[AIBYOU]

So DS (who has Aspergers and is Y10) announces on Monday that he has been invited to meal at friend's house tonight prior to sporting event tomorrow. 'Ok where is it?' Don't know. Tuesday still no address. Could be anywhere within several hundred square miles (private school so large catchment) So today he goes to school. No contact, we phone & SMS, etc., no reply.

Eventually DS calls at 8:30pm from landline. Apparently his mobile not working (he obviously could have called at say 6:30pm to let us know what was going on and what time things were finishing but this behaviour is not exactly unexpected from him). He's around 20 miles away. I give directions home (short walk to bus stop on different road, then bus every 10 minutes, then train then walk from station to our house.

I call back 2 minutes later as apparently buses are being diverted due to roadworks to say I'll call a taxi to the station from their house, as there's no reasonable public transport route. But somebody's already taking him to the station, which is around 15 minutes drive from their house. Apparently they didn't know about the bus diversions but didn't think it was a good idea for him to be looking for buses when he doesn't know the area.

Anyway, DW says IABU to not just go and pick him up and they shouldn't be put out dropping him off. AIBU?

[defineme]

I would just be so happy that my ds, who has asd, had friends, that i would go and pick him up cheerfully. Different priorities for different children...if it was neurotypical dd or ds2 then I would be cross but probably pick himup anyway because I worry teens are vulnerable to mugging etc after dark in strange areas.

[Sparklingbrook]

All those still ferrying around their teenagers at all hours, how are they going to manage in the real world when you aren't there to do it for them? Presumably they aren't going to live at home forever!

No because they pass their driving tests and ferry themselves about eventually.

Both mine could get home in the way OP describes but if I am around I will go and pick them up. It's fine.

Plus the teen DSs and I have some of our best conversations in the car.

[kingscrossnoodle]

All those still ferrying around their teenagers at all hours, how are they going to manage in the real world when you aren't there to do it for them? Presumably they aren't going to live at home forever. Here's the key thing though, some people with ASD struggle with organisation and the like. They get upset when things go off kilter so to speak and it causes them great distress. Some of these people DO live at home forever, because they are not actually able to 'manage in the real world' and donvery much need support for life.

i joined the forces at 16, imagine if I'd never got the bus home on my own by then. That's really not relevant in ANY way. Just because you did it wooptyfuckingdo does not mean that every single person of the same age group is able to do it. Have a little bit of compassion and understanding for those that have genuine struggles with everyday things ffs.

[oldbirdy]

My aspergers DS is y 10 and I'd have picked him up because he has little experience of public transport. I'd also have picked him up so that he didn't connect being invited somewhere after school with the stressful experience of not knowing how to get home or where to get a bus from.
I don't think you are necessarily being reasonable about calling him rude or ungracious about being picked up. Not quite getting it right socially goes with the autism territory, plus he's a 15 year old boy, and they are not well known for their graciousness. I would tell DS it might appear ungracious to others if he doesn't say thanks for a lift; which turns it from a bewildering telling off based on the core features of a disability (would you tell a person who is hard of hearing how rude they are when they ignore you calling them?) To a teaching point.

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

To be fair, what I've heard of very young (teenage) recruits is that many of them need a lot of handholding in the early days.

I dunno, I might have picked ds up because it's a kind thing to do and I'm a pushover, but it also isn't particularly kind to allow kids to grow up taking zero responsibility.

[ComputerUserNumptyTwit]

Also I think teenagers need to know they can rely on you to get them out of tight spots - when a party they're at takes an uncomfortable turn maybe. Although being able to extricate themselves from unpleasant situations that aren't of they're doing by themselves is maybe better still.

[WandaBack]

IamFriedSpam There is no public transport where we live so ferrying around is a way of life. They both drive now so those days are partly over though DH still happily picks up at ungodly hours from parties.

[Megatherium]

Here's the key thing though, some people with ASD struggle with organisation and the like.

But OP knows her son and knows whether that's likely to be a problem in his particular case.

Meg, A vulnerable boy in an area not known to him in the dark, yet right?

Again, OP knows her son and is the best position to assess whether vulnerability is an issue, pilates. The only slightly different factor from his normal journey was a short walk to the bus stop.

[kingscrossnoodle]

But OP knows her son and knows whether that's likely to be a problem in his particular case correct. But the quote of mine you have was a direct reply to someone else's comment.

[foxyloxy78]

Pick him up!

[ceeveebee]

Pretty sure he's home by now....