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AIBU?

Leaving baby asleep with...

118 replies

0hCrepe · 14/03/2017 08:51

There have been a few situations where I've had to wake the baby to pop out for something and it has felt like it would be so easy to leave her. For example I pick ds up from school occasionally after a club, could I leave her with dd (10 and very sensible). I'd be back 10 minutes later.
Can I leave her asleep while builders are working in a different room while I pop and buy milk to make them a brew?
I've never done it but WIBU to?

OP posts:

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ButtercupChain · 14/03/2017 18:40

Of course there's nothing wrong with leaving a 10 y.o. with a baby for 10 minutes. I have known many people leave baby alone in the house for 10-15 minutes quite a few times, (whilst they go the the shop for example.)

I really believe that the naysayers and the ones who are so aghast and say 'WHAT KIND OF MOTHER ARE YOU?!' have probably done this themselves more than once. Too many people are too insistent they have never done it, and I don't believe them.

If baby is going to choke (God forbid!) it could happen whilst you are in the house! It's like me and DH used to worry about being robbed when we were away for the weekend; in actual fact, we could get robbed while we were out for 3 hours!

Mrscog · 14/03/2017 18:42

A 10 year old left with a baby for hours on end would certainly be SS worthy but not 10 mins with clear guidelines surely?!

DrAbbyYates · 14/03/2017 18:43

We need a MN version of Godwin's Law; if a thread like this goes on long enough, someone is guaranteed to mention the McCanns.

0hCrepe · 14/03/2017 18:46

Dr I was going to say the same but couldn't remember which law it was! They're the new hitler here.

OP posts:

Natsku · 14/03/2017 18:56

Madeline's Law

I think I might ask DD's social worker about a hypothetical situation in which a 10 year old is left in charge of a baby for 10 minutes, interested to see what she says.

greeeen · 14/03/2017 19:11

You know your 10 year old. I was allowed to watch my neighbours new born for a lot longer than 10minutes at 10 years old and was babysitting 8hrs+ by 12. So I would if I had a responsible 10year old. No to the builders.

zoemaguire · 14/03/2017 20:34

'Why take an easily avoidable risk regardless of how tiny it is?'

Because the risk in this case in this case is manifestly greater rousing the baby from its nap and taking it out of the house!!!! Every time you leave the house you risk being run over or other random incident. Pretty tiny, but the number of rogue risk factors are much greater out and about. The risk to a sleeping baby in a locked house with a responsible person in charge (the 10 year old counts) for an extremely short period of time is pretty much zero. However much you may believe that your child will come to no harm in your magical presence, unfortunately, being with your child is not always the key factor in eliminating dangers to its wellbeing.

Trainspotting1984 · 14/03/2017 20:48

There is a lot of research showing the the majority of people are awful at assessing risk. As Zoe says above- think of the things that could
Happen to a 10 year old and baby alone. Are they more or less common than vehicle vs pedestrian accidents? More or less common than violent crime being committed against you? Etc etc

zoemaguire · 14/03/2017 21:33

Absolutely trainspotting! And the depressing thing viz this thread is not only how bad people are at assessing risk, but also how many of them are totally ignorant of that fact! As I said, I'm actually a pretty paranoid parent. But at the very least I know that I really should tune out my fears as best I can, because they are not based on reality and because if I keep emphasising the worst-scenario risks, I will end up raising children who are fearful of going out into the world and making their mark on it.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 14/03/2017 22:00

But im Not talking about the risks of something happening to the baby. Of course risks exist all the time,
In all situations. I'm talking about the risk of trauma to the 10 year old who was in charge if something goes wrong. You can completely eliminate the risk of something going wrong whilst a 10 year old is in charge leaving the 10 year old traumatised with guilt by simply not leaving the 10 year old in sole charge. Is that so hard to understand?

zoemaguire · 14/03/2017 22:16

Yes it is, because there is no earthly reason that should happen! The chances of anything going wrong with a sleeping baby within the space of 10 minutes is virtually zero. The chances are many times higher of the mother and baby being killed by a car on the way to the shops, which would also be pretty traumatising for the 10yo!!!

In practice, the highest chances of all are that the OPs DD would feel the glow of being trusted, grownup and responsible (but with very little actual effort involved) and carry that confidence with her for a long time. THAT is the kind of achievement we deny our growing kids by being governed by totally paranoid assessments of the risks they run.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 15/03/2017 00:30

I left my 10 yo with younger siblings, but would feel uncomfortable with builders in the house.

Sixisthemagicnumber · 15/03/2017 06:10

Or like the Pp upthread who was given that responsibility and hated it zoe?

Natsku · 15/03/2017 06:24

In OP's case though the 10 year old is asking for the responsibility.

MrsTwix · 15/03/2017 06:33

Fwiw some tradesmen are DBS or CRB checked if they work with vulnerable adults or older adults through age concern or the local council.

DH said he wouldn't mind if it was a regular customer that he knew, but he wouldn't feel comfortable if it was someone he just met that day asking him.

Like you said most tradesmen are Dads anyway.

supermoon100 · 15/03/2017 07:45

Usual mumsnet hysteria on this thread. I would do it and have done. All my dcs are fine

teaandakitkat · 15/03/2017 08:04

I would happily leave a sleeping baby with a 10 yr old for 10 minutes. No problem.

I've left a sleeping baby alone for 10 minutes when I've gone to put the bins out and got chatting to a neighbour at the gate. I wouldn't have heard him if he'd choked.

I would probably leave a sleeping baby with the builders and nip out for a pint of milk too. I don't see the problem. The chances of a builder being a paedophile and abusing my baby in the 8 minutes I'm out at the shop without him being spotted by the other builders are pretty low. I'd be willing to take that chance so my baby can have a good sleep.

angelinheaven · 15/03/2017 10:42

I agree with op of if something did happen the impact it would have on the 10 year old. My ds is 10 and certainly would not leave him in charge, my older dd was very mature and grown up at 10 and still wouldn't have left her in charge as if anything happened she would live with the guilt and that's not fair. My dd at 16 will now watch my nearly 4 year old when I do the school run which takes 20 mins.
After my dd having seizures it has made me very over the top with everything, my dd wasn't left in a room on her own till she was 2.5, I slept with her, and had her by my side 24/7 !!! Very exhausting but out my mind at rest x

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