Wedding AIBU: to not have an evening reception?

[BriefParanoidNameChange]

What would you think of this wedding timeline, if you were a guest..:

2.30pm Wedding ceremony

3pm (ish) Photos, milling about out and inside hotel, canapés, drinks, chatting

5pm Dinner, speeches, trala.

7/8ishpm...finish?

This is a location about an hour from the city where most guests will be travelling from. Some will be further (sorry) but driveable.
To make matters delightfully complicated, my family won't be coming to our wedding, for sad, hard to explain reasons relating to their religious beliefs. Obviously I'm feeling rubbish about this because I love them very much, and I just don't really want to drag the day out for hours. I'm obviously excited/delighted to be getting married, and want everyone to have a good time, so I was just hoping that people wouldn't see this layout as a bit of a letdown or boring. My anxiety about this wedding is a real pain, so I thought a MN AIBU thread was the way to go 😜 Thanks for reading.

[jumpin17]

I would think it a little odd. What if your guests don't feel like finishing at 8pm?

[BriefParanoidNameChange]

Is the ceremony not the most important bit, really? And good food and catching up. I honestly wouldn't be bothered if I travelled to a wedding with no evening thing, but the more I read on wedding boards etc. the more weird I think I am.

[BriefParanoidNameChange]

So if they don't feel like finishing at 8pm, I should...what?

[Waterfeature]

I think you can say what time it will finish either on the invitation itself or on the accompanying letter. Personally, I find "wedding discos" a bit cheesy and weddings can be absolutely exhausting, especially with children in tow -- so for all the disappointed party animals you'll probably have as many relieved introverts (like me!).

[Mrsglitterfairy]

I think it sounds lovely and people may actually be grateful for an early finish, sometimes it can end up being a really long day. We got married at 2 and the evening went on until 1.30.. I was exhausted.
I would definitely advise guests of the estimated finishing time but (one check beforehand if this will be ok) let them know that there is a bar in the hotel that is available

[greenfolder]

It sounds fine to me. I'd put it on the invites but do you want speeches? It sounds like you don't. Can't you and husband just do a toast together and thank everyone for coming/ presents and so on? If it's going to make you sad don't do it. How many are going?

[Iamastonished]

We didn't have an evening do. For a start we didn't know enough people to invite, and the venue would have looked pretty empty. Also, I'm not really sure whether evening dos were a thing 36 years ago.

We just stayed in the bar of the hotel all evening with OH's family and my sister. The rest of my family just weren't in the habit of sitting in bars/pubs all evening so they went home.

[SheepyFun]

I've been to lots of weddings, and they've included just the registry office (close family went for a meal afterwards), just the church with tea/cake afterwards, church, tea and cake then meal (sometimes with dancing, but not always), the really expensive shebang with a sit down meal and additional evening guests and buffet. They've (mostly) been great, but I've always been happy to know what the day includes, especially since we've had DD. Giving people a rough timetable in advance helps them enjoy your day, especially if you're inviting small children - then their parents can plan when to feed them/have them nap etc.

Congratulations, and enjoy your wedding!

[tovelitime]

We got married at 11, travelled to the venue, had a reception, then lunch, a band with half an hour of dancing and speeches and finished at 6. We went back to our hotel with friends where we put some money behind the bar. It was lovely. Just put on the invitation ceremony x OClock followed by dinner 5pm carriages 8pm that's fairly standard

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

We didn't that. Wasn't interested in having the big dancing and show and everything.

As far as I know no one complained!

[INeedNewShoes]

In my view your plans are absolutely fine, as long as it is clear on the invite that you're finishing at 8pm.

As long as people have all the info, they can decide not to come if it doesn't suit them.

Most weddings are far too long. I quite like the idea of going to a wedding and then being at home with a cup of tea by 10pm!

[emilyofnewmoon]

I went to a wedding exactly as you plan yours last year. It was fab. A really special day and one of the nicest weddings I have been to. As you say the ceremony is the important part. After the meal and speeches everyone just milled around the bar area chatting. It really didn't feel like any part of the day was missing for not having an evening event. I was happy to have had a lovely day sharing in the marriage of a good friend and home in my PJ's by 8.30pm Have a lovely wedding day.

[sonyaya]

There is no requirement for an evening do - just put 'carriages 8pm' or whatever on the invitation so no one is surprised on the day.

[PavlovianLunge]

I think the main thing is that you have to do what's right for you. Spending three, four hours at the end of an evening, wishing it was over is no way to end your wedding.

If people want to prolong the evening (quite likely, I think) can they have stay and have drinks at the venue? Alternatively, is there a nice pub nearby (or in the city with the station you mentioned) that you can recommend?

But ultimately, it's your day, and you deserve to have the happiest day that you can. Be considerate of your guests, but not so much that it's to your detriment.

[TurnipCake]

Sounds lovely . The world won't stop spinning on its axis because you didn't have an evening reception, when my mother and step-father married, there was a late afternoon tea set out, everyone was relaxed and chatted following the meal, it was so lovely and we went home at a reasonable hour.

[TeenAndTween]

20 years ago we got married at 12 and all finished by 6.
That way no one had to stay over (max driving was around 90mins), and people who weren't bringing children were back for bedtime. (We invited children we knew and not children we didn't know).
Just be clear on the invitation.

I'd love a wedding that finished at a sensible time.

[ArchNotImpudent]

Not at all. I didn't have one - married at 11:30 in register office, drinks and tra la la till 14:00; sit down meal; then repaired to the bar and guests left when they felt like it. All done by 18:00.

[mistermagpie]

I sort of did this at my first wedding but the ceremony was later. We had the ceremony at 5pm in a fancy hotel, string quartet etc etc etc, so just like a normal wedding but later, followed by drinks/canapés, then had a four course dinner at 7.30pm. The whole thing finished at about 11:30pm but was more like a load of people having a posh dinner together than an evening 'do'. No dancing (hate it) and we had about 40 people there.

If you are proposing to start your wedding at 'normal' wedding time then people might find it odd not to have an evening reception and be expected to leave that early. Would you consider pushing the wedding later?

[Nofunkingworriesmate]

As long as folk know this in advance anyone who hates it can stay away
How are you planning on making it clear., and end it with a umph ? how about a big exit wave off ?? That was the way weddings ended in the 70,s the bride and groom left in a car to go on honey moon, with tin cans on the car ( why ? Who knows??)

[Sidge]

I guess it depends on the venue to some degree.

If I'd travelled to a wedding and had been looking forwards to catching up with everyone I'd relish the opportunity after dinner to sit somewhere, have a few drinks and socialise. I'd be disappointed if it was "shut up shop and bugger off home" at 8pm.

I wouldn't necessarily expect a disco etc but somewhere to drink, chat and carry on would be nice. Especially if I was staying over so didn't have to drive home.

[NewPuppyMum]

Dh didn't want an evening do and I was happy to go along with that. We had less than 40 guests and one was my only relative, four were friends, the rest dh's lot.

Married at 12. Sat down to eat about 2:30. Dh and I left at six. Guests back to PIL or home/hotel.

[OneLumpOrSeven]

I think it depends really. I went to a wedding where after the meal we got moved in to the bar so we thought they were clearing us out for the disco. Turns out nope, they just moved us in to the bar and that was it. There was no background music, nothing. Nothing happened. I felt a bit sorry for a couple of people who were there on their own. It's all very well having people milling around and chatting but will everyone know someone? In the end we got bored of making small talk and went back to the hotel. I think it would have been better if we'd have known what was happening.

[BriefParanoidNameChange]

People would definitely be welcome to stay on at the hotel for drinks and chat afterwards. Hopefully chat will also have been had in the canapés bit, and during dinner.

[sycamore54321]

Absolutely fine as long as people know - the 'usual' wedding would carry on far later so people will have made childcare arrangements etc based on that expectation unless you tell them otherwise. If I'd told my babysitter I expected to be out until after midnight then landed home at 8.30, I'd still feel obliged to pay her for most if not all of the remaining time

[BriefParanoidNameChange]

If I did put 'carriages at 8pm' or whatever on the invitation, would that make people think they had to be out by that time though?