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AIBU?

to not want to share a bed with BF?

70 replies

ScratchingPost4 · 03/02/2017 21:08

Hi, I am absolutely in love with my boyfriend, I love him a lot. We have been together 4 years! Only just going to move in with each other!

Obviously when we have stayed over or gone on holiday we have shared but I have never got a good nights sleep and always wake up uncomfortable and hot.

When we move in, is it wrong to have separate beds? He isn't happy about that and thinks it will ruin the relationship

OP posts:

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EweAreHere · 03/02/2017 22:33

King sized bed and separate duvets can really help. That's the only way it can work for me.

Twopeapods · 03/02/2017 22:33

I'm amazed at how many have said they sleep separately. I'm actually really glad as I have started sleeping in a separate bedroom from DH. His snoring drives me bonkers, and I get migraines and lack of sleep is a big contributor to that. We still go up have a chat/DTD, and I sometimes try to sleep there but always end up in spare room. I love the space to myself and it's a much comfier bed as I prefer a softer mattress whereas DH prefers a hard one. I didn't realise about the two singles though together so I would be tempted by that if we move and have a bigger room.
OP I'd personally try and sleep together as you might get used to it and be ok with it.

VestalVirgin · 03/02/2017 22:33

I don't think I would want to stay with a boyfriend who insistst that we share a bed even though he knows I hate it.

Why would a man do such a thing? Certainly not out of love. So ... why? Does he get too hot at nights and wants a woman with cold feet to cool him down?

ScratchingPost4 · 03/02/2017 22:36

We are going to go for 2 double beds joined together he's 'excited'? well, I'm glad that's sorted!

Thanks everyone

OP posts:

ijustwannadance · 03/02/2017 22:42

It's usually the person who has no issues sleeping that takes offence at seperate beds.

Sara107 · 03/02/2017 22:42

I personally would love my own bed (room). Dh always comes into my half and I find it very uncomfy. The German beds where you have two single mattresses and two single duvets in a single bed base strikes me as a good compromise. Don't know if you can get those here, or whether you can sort it out yourself with a king-size bed and two single mattresses. Failing that and if your dp really wants to share, get the biggest bed you can, and have separate duvets.

S1lentAllTheseYears · 03/02/2017 22:42

If you have a room big enough for two doubles, I would say that would be lovely. You could have a 'cuddle' on his side and roll into your nice cool side for a decent night's sleep! You can buy small doubles that are four feet wide I think - we had those on holiday in Italy once and it was bliss!

I hate sharing a room with DH let alone a bed and am only still in there as we don't have a spare room but, as soon as one of the dc move out, their room is mine! Ideally (for me) dh would be the one to move so I could keep the ensuite to myself but I don't see that happening! We have a superking and separate duvets - the duvets were his idea not that long after we married and I didn't like the idea at first but was won over very quickly when we tried it - I like to cocoon myself! The only thing I still dislike about it is that the bed never looks nice even when it's made and with a double throw over the top - but I can live with it and DH doesn't care!

Personally I think long term sleep deprivation would have a worse effect on the relationship than separate beds/rooms!

Thinnestofthinice · 03/02/2017 22:44

Super super king size bed!

Thinnestofthinice · 03/02/2017 22:44

Great solution OP just read it x

Writerwannabe83 · 03/02/2017 22:46

Me and DH have separate rooms and I sleep so much better.

He snores, he likes to watch the TV until late, he likes to sleep with the window open, he's up about twice a night to have a wee and he's a total fidget. I find all these factors really annoying, I can't sleep and I just feel really angry towards him.

We retire to the same room at the end of the evening, snuggle up, chat, watch a film, have sex if it happens etc but then when it comes to bedtime we sleep in separate rooms. I really don't see the harm.

I'm sure I read somewhere that 40% of couples sleep separately.

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/02/2017 22:48

You have a bedroom wide enough for a 9ft bed - 2x 4.6

It is weird sleeping with someone every night if not used to it

It does take time

A wide bed - super king size and thin duvet or separate do help

I love being cuddled by df but prob sleep better when we are in same bed but not cuddled (and hot)

PickledCauliflower · 03/02/2017 22:59

Snoring is horrendous - separate bedrooms is probably the best solution if you have the space.

If it's space and heat, I would go with a bigger bed, low tog quilt and agreement on a very cool bedroom (when possible).
If you can afford it, high quality cotton bedding helps to keep you cool too.
I found it a good investment, as it washes well and lasts longer.

pourmeanotherglass · 04/02/2017 09:50

Get a king size. I never sleep well if we go away and share a double, but king size is fine. Also great if you have kids as there is space for them to climb in with you in the morning.

Allthewaves · 04/02/2017 09:51

Super king size bed and two duvets.

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 04/02/2017 09:54

A super king is your friend, OP. DP and I can lie down and stretch out our arms and we still hardly touch each other :)

GoesDownLikeACupOfColdSick · 04/02/2017 09:55

That being said, he ends up on the sofa half the time because of fucking snoring. God I hate snoring.

PosiePootlePerkins · 04/02/2017 10:03

I can honestly say my marriage of 18 years would not have survived if I'd had to share a bed with DH. Snoring by either partner is actually seriously disruptive, sleep deprivation is not something I can cope with. Plus we are on different body clocks, DH goes to bed early, I like to stay up. He is my soulmate but I can't sleep in the same room as him.

Fruitcocktail6 · 04/02/2017 10:11

You get used to it, DP and I moved in together two years ago and now I can't sleep without him.

But he doesn't snore. If he did it would be a completely different story.

ConvincingLiar · 04/02/2017 10:21

We have a super king with separate single duvets and it's improved our sleep. Living together isn't about where you actually sleep.

ChuckSnowballs · 04/02/2017 10:21

I hate having to sleep in anything smaller on holidays etc

We have stopped staying in hotels for this very reason - we do Airbnb and always book apartments with 2 bedrooms so we have the space if we need it. Sometimes one of us just can't settle.

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