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AIBU?

Dogs, sofa, husband, new baby .... AIBU

89 replies

Backt0Black · 01/02/2017 08:44

DH is a lovely, just far, far too soft with his dogs IMO and its driving me mad.

Currently 8.5 month pregnant. Have said I do not want to the dogs (1 XXL and 1 L) on the (fabric) sofa or on our bed, because I will need places to be with the baby that I can feel are clean and hygienic for feeding and changing. I did also state this while we were in the shop looking at the sofa.

What I HAVE done is designate 2 large leather armchairs and buy huge beds to go at the foot of our bed so the dogs are comfortable and don't feel somehow punished. We live on a farm and the dogs run around in all sorts. Even when you wipe them down at the door their leather armchairs end up filthy and I clean with disinfectant wipes..... I cant do this is a fabric sofa!

Every morning I get up and DH has had dogs on the sofa. With the argument 'he's put a throw on' its my feeling this is training issue and the throw is irrelevant, I am fed up of having to nag at them to get the OFF sofa...while he keeps telling them they can get up I feel like I have to be on 'guard duty' and cannot leave the living room or house.

Happened AGAIN this morning, I must have asked 30 times, I was so fed up I did end up shouting, but I've asked, I've explained, I've reasoned, I've tried to compromise with the plush beds and armchairs. What else can I do!?!

Has anyone successfully trained DH in a similar matter? AIBU to ask for him to please just keep the dogs off the sofa so its clean for DS use?

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AlaskanSnow · 01/02/2017 13:13

This would piss me right off.

If he wants to sit and cuddle the dogs, then he sits on the floor. Unfortunately I would probably do the same as you and turn into a screaming banshee whenever I saw it.

Our dogs have their own sofa. They know not to get on ours.

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Deranger01 · 01/02/2017 13:22

i did read it fox and it doesn't mention farm animal faeces. Neither of my DC were hopsitalized for bugs in their first year. And they also don't have asthma or allergies despite it running in our families. There is a balance between exposure to muck and dirt and dangerous exposure to germs.

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Foxesarefriends · 01/02/2017 13:56

Well you surely know better than those scientists and your anecdote is far more useful

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Foxesarefriends · 01/02/2017 13:58

Infants who grew up in homes with mouse and cat dander and cockroach droppings in the first year of life had lower rates of wheezing at age 3, compared with children not exposed to these allergens soon after birth. The protective effect, moreover, was additive, the researchers found, with infants exposed to all three allergens having lower risk than those exposed to one, two or none of the allergens. Specifically, wheezing was three times as common among children who grew up without exposure to such allergens (51 percent), compared with children who spent their first year of life in houses where all three allergens were present (17 percent)

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JigglyTuff · 01/02/2017 14:05

You need to talk to your husband not at the 'shouting at the dogs' moment but calmly when it isn't something that needs to be dealt with at that very moment.

He agreed that the dogs would not go on the new sofa. But he is letting them on the new sofa. That is confusing and unkind to the dogs. He needs to train them now that they are not allowed on that sofa. And that they are not allowed on the bed either.

I agree with Japanese that it is perfectly possible to train dogs not to go on particular pieces of furniture - my dog sleeps on my bed and one sofa but he is not allowed on the other one or on the bed (or even in the bedroom) or on any sofas at granny's and he understands those rules perfectly well.

It is going to be much kinder (and easier on both of you) if you teach them now rather than when the baby arrives when you will be sleep-deprived and adjusting to a massive life change and when you will (I guarantee) be increasingly infuriated by them if they're where you don't want them.

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Foxesarefriends · 01/02/2017 14:07

Well, all dogs are different, have different levels of intelligence and ability to be trained.
It depends on the dogs really.

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InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/02/2017 14:16

right, at 8.5 months pregnant, you are able to "go nuclear" at him. And I would suggest you do.

Do it calmly so he knows you aren't just angry and will 'calm down' and not follow through your threat.

Tell him you have been trying, but it's clear the way he wants to interact with the dogs is not compatable with having a newborn in the house with them. So unless he can prove he can change his behaviour in order to train the dogs, either they or the baby can't be in the house. If he doesn't want a divorce and to just visit his child, that will mean rehoming the dogs.

That you are serious about this, you are upset because you also love the dogs, but if they can't be trained to be safe round a small child, they can't be family pets. So he's got until the baby arrives to prove he's prepared to find a way for the dogs to fit in with your new family, or you will start the ball rolling on rehoming the dogs.

It's the nuclear option, but it might well finally get through to him that something must change. Don't talk about hygine, talk about 'unsafe' dog behaviour. Be clear you are prepared to get rid of them.

(Although I'm a little harsher clearly as while most of our extended family have had dogs growing up and now, no one in the family allows dogs on the sofa or in the bedrooms.)

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SquedgieBeckenheim · 01/02/2017 14:26

Our DDog gets up on the sofa, and has done since before DD was born. He is not a farm dog though, and doesn't go anywhere with a lot of horse muck etc. He's always been a "clean" dog and regularly cleans his paws! He knows to get down as soon as he's asked. He knows that humans get priority over him for sofa space.
DH and I are in agreement on this though. Neither one of us has ever raised a concern about the dog on the sofa. If DH or I weren't happy about it, we'd have trained him not to climb on the sofa. Your DH needs to get on board with you, and train his dogs! Why does he get to dictate to you where the dogs go when you are clearly so upset about it? Humans ALWAYS get priority over dogs, no matter how loved the dogs are.

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JigglyTuff · 01/02/2017 14:29

They will need to be retrained obviously Foxes. The OP's DH has about a month to do it

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EveOnline2016 · 01/02/2017 16:54

What concerns me is the dogs thinking they have been pushed out for the newborn baby.

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Backt0Black · 01/02/2017 17:19

I feel like we've had the reasonable discussion and he'd agreed. Quite a few times ..... and this is just him being a bit 'sillybackt0black' we'll just have this little secret. But its not fair on the dogs for me to come downstairs and yell GETTTTTTTTTTTTT OFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!

Eve They have leather armchairs and a bed in prime position front of the woodburner and beds at the foot of our bed. They are hardly being made to live in the garden, its not a dislike or a maltreatment thing, purely a hygiene issue regarding the newborn.

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Backt0Black · 01/02/2017 17:19

what concerns me is the health of the newborn.

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diddl · 01/02/2017 18:23

"they whine at him to be up, so he's then gone to get a throw, arranged it and ....yes..... he must invited them up"

I suppose that's better than you being jumped on as you sit down with a newborn, but obviously also annoying if you want to sit & have to wait for dogs to move plus move a throw.

And of course they're not always going to wait for a throw are they?

That said, how do they know that they may go on the chairs but not the sofa?

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InvisibleKittenAttack · 01/02/2017 18:30

Then if he's not going along with it, even though he's agreed, I think you do need to have the "re-home" conversation. He doesn't think you are serious about it being an issue, he can just agree and then do what he wants and it'll be fine. Making it clear that the current arrangement for the dogs is not compatable with there being a newborn baby in the house - so if he is incapable of changing how he treats the dogs and wants you & the baby in the house, the dogs will have to go.

Be firm, you've tried to make it work, it's clear he is not able to keep to the new rules which would mean you can all live together when the baby arrives, so the only option is the dogs going - not you lowering your safety standards for the baby.

He perhaps thinks you'll just put up with it if he just holds on for long enough - make it clear you wo'nt.