Dogs, sofa, husband, new baby .... AIBU

[Backt0Black]

DH is a lovely, just far, far too soft with his dogs IMO and its driving me mad.

Currently 8.5 month pregnant. Have said I do not want to the dogs (1 XXL and 1 L) on the (fabric) sofa or on our bed, because I will need places to be with the baby that I can feel are clean and hygienic for feeding and changing. I did also state this while we were in the shop looking at the sofa.

What I HAVE done is designate 2 large leather armchairs and buy huge beds to go at the foot of our bed so the dogs are comfortable and don't feel somehow punished. We live on a farm and the dogs run around in all sorts. Even when you wipe them down at the door their leather armchairs end up filthy and I clean with disinfectant wipes..... I cant do this is a fabric sofa!

Every morning I get up and DH has had dogs on the sofa. With the argument 'he's put a throw on' its my feeling this is training issue and the throw is irrelevant, I am fed up of having to nag at them to get the OFF sofa...while he keeps telling them they can get up I feel like I have to be on 'guard duty' and cannot leave the living room or house.

Happened AGAIN this morning, I must have asked 30 times, I was so fed up I did end up shouting, but I've asked, I've explained, I've reasoned, I've tried to compromise with the plush beds and armchairs. What else can I do!?!

Has anyone successfully trained DH in a similar matter? AIBU to ask for him to please just keep the dogs off the sofa so its clean for DS use?

[JanuaryMoods]

If they are farm dogs why are they allowed in the house at all?

Get a couple of kennels and keep them outside if your DH continues to be a prick. No way would I have dogs in my bedroom.

[BlueKarou]

January it sounds to me like they are pet dogs who live on a farm. No way would I put my pet dogs outside in kennels. Especially if, like the OP says, the hose is regularly frozen of a morning.

[GinIsIn]

Our PFB is due any day now. We have a dog. To be honest I just can't get worked up about it, and have no intention of banning the dog from anywhere. I can see why you might be concerned now, but the minute your child has any coordination it is going to use it to lick windows on public transport, put anything it can get its hands on in its mouth, and generally do its best to give itself every nasty germ there is out there. Children are more robust than you think they are, and children who grow up around animals tend to have a healthier immune system. Mind you, I have lots of nieces and nephews and having watched them do things like try to eat worms and mud, I probably have a more relaxed approach.....

[Deranger01]

i've got 2 DC and a huge hairy sofa loving dog, and YANBU. You need a safe space for the baby. My huge clumsy dog stepped on my baby when she was weeks old and I nearly had heart failure (she was fine). A family member was supposed to be watching her in her bouncer). My point is, you need a safe and clean space for the baby, bounding dogs with muck on their feet is a complete no-no. I would absolutely read DH the riot act in your shoes. I'd fence off an area of the sitting room with those gate things. He's being an imbecile.

[Deranger01]

there's a big difference in terms of robustness between a 3 year old and a little baby Fenella, a little baby in the first few weeks needs absolute protection, not a tummy bug from ingesting animal faeces.

[Backt0Black]

...yep pet dogs we had before we had the farm, we live in the North, North East in quite a hilly expose area it would be really, really hard on them to kennel them outside.

and yup - not a case of dogs being on the garden lawn or the flowerbeds (ha! I wish) and being a bit muddy, we live on a farm.... 10 acres, 4 horses = HORSE SHIT!

[Deranger01]

back can you tell your HV visitor about it and report her reaction to your DH? He's not getting it, maybe a 3rd party's shock might help.

[Deranger01]

sorry MW as you don't have a HV yet!

[TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder]

All this 'bottom of the pack' stuff is complete rubbish

In what way, BlueKarou?

[FrogFairy]

I think the problem with the dogs going on the chairs is that your DH and the dogs can't snuggle up together there.

If your room is big enough I would suggest picking up a 2nd hand sofa for DH and dogs to snuggle so that your new one can be kept clean.

Explain to your DH the risks of your baby getting E. Coli. Living on a farm does mean that there are more risks than your average family pooch that gets walked around urban streets.

[BlueKarou]

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder At risk of derailing slightly, but pack theory and dominance theory have been thoroughly debunked in the world of dog training. It's all based on studies of captive wolves, and so isn't even true for wolves in the wild, let alone the much different domestic dog.

JigglyTuff posted some links at 10:20 which I haven't looked at, but I reckon will expand on this subject.

[madparent1]

You would hope his attitude will change once the baby arrives. His current irresponsible behaviour is making a rod for both of your backs! How will he feel if something happens to your child as a result of his allowing the dogs to jump onto the furniture/bed. This will be difficult to undo with the dogs now as once allowed to do something they continue to do it as the norm. The dogs will not make allowances for a new born baby.
However much people love mans best friend and however much each owner will tell you their dog is totally "child friendly and wouldn't hurt a fly" accidents can and do happen. Why risk it? Anyone choosing to put the needs/happiness of a dog before that of a child might want to give it slightly more though than NONE. Irresponsible at best, potentially lethal at worst.
I suspect his mind will change once the baby arrives.

[Deranger01]

i wouldn't leave it to chance that your DH changes when the baby's here, as I said I'd keep the baby in the safe, clean area I'd created - my huge retriever really wouldn't hurt a fly in all his long life, but he tears about and has stepped on the baby whilst in her bouncer so you do need to take care. Babies can get hurt by dogs not just through aggression, sometimes just over-excitement, particularly big dogs. The animal faeces and baby on the sofa together thing is filling my heart with dread tbh - does your DH expect you to change the throw everytime you want to sit with your baby? That's going to go well at 1am feeds!

[japanesegarden]

Telling dogs they can go on one piece of furniture but not another is not confusing. Dogs do not generalise well, which is why they can struggle to apply something learned in one context to another context, but which is a plus in this situation. A dog doesn't have separate pre-defined mental categories of 'people furniture' and 'dog furniture', they have categories of 'places I'm allowed to go' and 'places I'm not'. Therefore you can perfectly well let them get on their armchairs, which in their minds will be something quite different from the sofa, and also not let them get on the sofa. From the dog's point of view this is no different from the difference between a dog bed and a sofa, one is equally allowed while the other isn't.

I've always had multiple dogs and my children are now adult. You absolutely will want a dog free sofa when the baby is old enough to climb on it him/herself, because you will want the dogs to have somewhere to go that the baby isn't allowed and vice versa, to reduce the risk of the child disturbing a dog and triggering a snap. In my view that is a far more important reason for a dog free sofa than changing the baby now, though that is of course also a good reason! Far better to get the dogs learning now that one sofa is out of bounds. I would, and I have lowish hygiene standards and the sort of family where one daughter's first word was 'oof', meaning dog.

[Foxesarefriends]

So glad that you won't kennel them outside, it would be incredibly cruel from living inside to do that.
Yes, the pack theory is debunked now.

I think that it's too confusing for the dogs to know what furniture they are allowed on and what they aren't.
They will need to be re trained.

I am very relaxed and it wouldn't bother me hygiene wise as I think it's healthy for dc to grow up with animals but I completely get where you are coming from.

The dogs are hopefully going to take the adjustment well if handled carefully.

[Olympiathequeen]

You are being entirely reasonable and I would consider putting a few bulky items where to dogs sit to physically prevent them sitting there and hopefully, they would go to their designated areas.

If it helps children growing up with dogs have fewer illnesses than non pet households.

[Deranger01]

i don't think they've done any tests on people living on farms with newborn babies though - the general truth of animals/children being a good combination may not hold true if your baby contracts an awful germ in the first 6 months of life. I'm all for low hygiene and what doesn't kill you etc once they're over 1 but not under 1 because they are so vulnerable.

[Foxesarefriends]

Is there an outbuilding you can put the dog furniture and dogs in. This can't be tolerated. Dogs in beds and on sofas, just no

This is so sad, that people seriously think that this would be okay

You can't just shove them in a shed like an old lawnmower.

[callmeadoctor]

Lift the cushions up when you are not in room? (just for a few days, know its a pain in the ass though!)

[Foxesarefriends]

'i don't think they've done any tests on people living on farms with newborn babies though - the general truth of animals/children being a good combination may not hold true if your baby contracts an awful germ in the first 6 months of life. I'm all for low hygiene and what doesn't kill you etc once they're over 1 but not under 1 because they are so vulnerable'

There has been lots

www.hopkinsmedicine.org/news/media/releases/newborns_exposed_to_dirt_dander_and_germs_may_have_lower_allergy_and_asthma_risk

[Foxesarefriends]

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/children-less-likely-to-suffer-asthma-if-they-grow-up-around-dogs-a6718391.html%3Famp?client=safari

[Deranger01]

i'm assuming none of the babies in these surveys were hospitalized for a vomiting bug so severe they got dehydrated. Hmmm the studies don't mention exposure to faeces of farm animals. Just no. This is not the same situation.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

I have a medium sized dog. She is allowed on the bedroom floor and the sofas. I do put my foot down and wrestle the cushions out from under her hair arse though.

I actually have quite high standards of cleanliness but didn't change the rules with my children. She used to snuggle up next to me on the sofa when I was breastfeeding and would make quite a useful armrest.

You live on a farm though and I think I would be more concerned. Plus I have leather sofas. Farms are very gross. I wouldn't want stinky dog paws on my sofas.

Perhaps you need an outside tap and a rule that dogs are washed before entering the house? Just feet and legs. I would probably put a baby gate on the bedroom too and keep that as the super clean place.

[Foxesarefriends]

You know so much better Deranger01

My three all had that in their first year, pretty common to be hospitalised. We had no pets at all.

[Foxesarefriends]

And the first link does exactly study exposure to farm animals, which demonstrated that you couldn't be bothered to read it, yet still proffered your 'advice'.