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AIBU?

Early bird - AIBU

77 replies

Toast3 · 01/02/2017 07:56

Really cant work if I'm just being a grumpy bastard or whether my colleague is being unreasonable?!
Twice a week, I work in the same office as someone who lives fairly close to me ( ten minutes in the other direction). I leave home at 7am and it takes about 40 minutes to drive to work..
My colleague asked me if, on these 2 days, I would give her a lift..I have to admit I was a bit downbeat about it as I'm a grumpy bag first thing and use the commute time to clear my head, listen to the radio etc...anyway, I didn't feel I could say no, so agreed to it (half heartedly).

The plan was that she would arrive at 7am and we would leave together... she keeps turning up really early! She arrived, yesterday at 6.33am so ended up sitting in the lounge waiting for me to finish getting ready etc...it's an absolute pain in the arse as every minute is so precious in the morning! It's really winding me up!

I told her last week that I'd prefer it of she just arrived at 7am as agreed - as me and my OH aren't often ready before then...

If she arrives early again tomorrow, im going to have to tell her it isn't working out...she commented yesterday ....oh I'm always early for everything ...it's driving me mad....suggestions please..

OP posts:

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 01/02/2017 11:05

I have a fear of being late, so if I were Lift Lady, I would probably leave plenty of time for the walk, and get there early at least once, until I had worked out how long it was going to take me.

But I would wait round the corner until it was time to knock on the door - no way would I rock up half an hour early, at a time when I know the person giving the lift is going to be rushing round getting ready. Doing that is just plain rude.

Rachel0Greep · 01/02/2017 11:16

I'm the same SDTG and absolutely agree, I would wait and just arrive at 7. Never in this world would I ring anyone's doorbell half an hour before I was due to arrive.

Toast3 · 01/02/2017 11:35

lol Zuzu - I wish!! Some of these replies made me lol!
Cromwell - I like your calm and rational explanation!
I think the top and bottom of it is that I really don't want to give her a morning lift (I bring her home too but don't mind that so much) except that this was often the time I'd catch up with friends or return calls (handsfree of course)...
What makes it worse is that she's a really nice person and would probably do it for me in a heart beat if the tables were turned...
I'm going to ring her tonight and say it has to be bang on the dot of 7am for all the reasons suggested (thanks all)...
I won't offer to pick her up as it's in the opposite direction which would mean I would have to leave earlier to do so....even when I bring her home she gets out at my house and walks from there (virtually the same distance as the bus stop)... this is at her insistence as she's trying not to put me out...it's so blooming awkward..
I'll update tomorrow! Wish me luck! :-)

OP posts:

RTKangaMummy · 01/02/2017 12:21

YANBU deffo NOT

Is there a bus shelter near your house in the direction of your travel that she can wait in? So you can collect her as you drive past

I would say no to giving her a lift from now on so you can have your space in your car

I used to be a childminder and started work at 7am and it drove me mad when parents would arrive early - they lived about 10/15 mins drive away (on a route with no traffic jams) and worked another 15 mins away but it put so much pressure on me and rest of my family

CripsSandwiches · 01/02/2017 12:51

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

Exactly, I'm guilty of always being early but definitely would never knock on the door early! Very odd behaviour, surely it's blindingly obvious that no one has half an hour to spare at 6:30am in the morning!

StealthPolarBear · 01/02/2017 13:37

Lurking for tomorrow's update

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 18:20

Quick update for those that are still interested:
I rang 'early bird' last night and explained that I would like her to arrive bang on 7am as every minute was precious in the morning etc etc...

She arrived about 5 to 7 and rang the doorbell (ggrrhhhh). I told her on the way to work that I didn't want her to ring the bell as OH doesn't always work the same hours as me and was still in bed. I've asked her to arrive exactly at 7 and just wait by the car...this really isn't that difficult given that she walks - she told me it took her 9 minutes so I said set off at 6.51am then and then it should just right...
I wish I'd just said no in the first place - you live and learn hey!
I really felt petty (almost embarrassed) but stood firm.
It all seems to be clear so we'll see what next week brings...
If she doesn't stick to it I'm just going to say it doesn't work for me!

OP posts:

tabithakitty · 02/02/2017 18:23

what a pain in the ass!

If you can face it and she starts turning up on time, you deserve a medal.

If not don't beat yourself up and make your excuses....

Strange thing to ask a colleague for a lift but maybe that's just me

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 18:30

I'm in the minority here but I think YABU.

It's kind of you to give her a lift, but is it really that much of a hardship? If she gives you petrol money then that's money off your already planned journey.

Is it that much of a problem that she sits in your lounge while you get ready? And if it's such a problem then just tell her to come at 5 to. If she doesnt listen then that's an actual problem.

I don't understand the problem with car sharing. It's 1 less car on the road and half the fuel used, plus its money-saving if the driver and passenger(s) split the cost.

happypoobum · 02/02/2017 18:34

I don't know why you are still doing this when you don't want to?

I would tell her you are starting a yoga/swimming class in the mornings and won't be able to take her any more.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 18:36

Just be honest or tactfully invent a reason you can't give her a lift.

Whatever you do please don't be a weirdo and fake sex noises to make her feel awkward like another PP suggested. And leaving her out in the cold is just nasty.

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 18:49

I know, I know, I should just 'grow a pair and be honest' - I would just find it really hard to give her an outright no without trying first.

The only reason she'll stand out in the cold is if she arrives really early...it's her choice really.

I definitely wouldn't take petrol money from her as I'm going anyway and don't want her to feel that she's entitled because she pays.... I hadn't even considered petrol money tbh, she hasn't offered and I wouldn't expect her to..
As I said, I'm a grumpy bugger in the morning so letting someone in and asking them to be quiet etc just adds to the stress and therefore my mood..
I don't think I'm being nasty, I'm doing something I don't want to do, so I'm trying to be kind!

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 18:55

If I were her I wouldn't want to get a lift...nothing worse than being made to feel like an utter piece of shit simply because you're going in someone's car.

If I was told to stand outside and wait, especially in weather like this, then that would be an alarm bell for me. I'd know I wasn't welcome. I'd know to avoid that person in general tbh.

Especially if a grumpy bugger, how awkward must the actual journey be?

I'm sorry if I sound harsh OP but I'm being honest.

poppy2021 · 02/02/2017 18:56

Could it be she doesn't want to make you late and that's why she's a bit early?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 19:00

What if she arrived bang on 7...for all she knows you could think she isn't coming and leave without her.

If she arrives at 5 to she's stood outside by your car. Bloody awkward.

And if she is waiting outside, even for a few minutes, are you sure you wouldn't be pissed off thinking that by standing there she is putting you under pressure to get going?

It's an absolute minefield.

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 19:20

No, 'show me', I'm not sure.! As I said in my OP I really dont want to take her...I have a busy life and really cherish that 40 mins in the car on my own ...I tried to do the right thing, against my better judgment, as I didn't know how to say no and felt really mean saying no..

I think I will just have to be honest and explain to her how I feel. She gets the bus on the 3 other days so it shouldnt make too much difference to her.
Arrrggghh I just wish I'd said no straight off..

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 19:29

So were you only taking her 2 days a week?

From the sounds of it you'd both be happier if you stopped giving her a lift. Surely it's easier to tell her no then keep going through these awkward situations?

mya83 · 02/02/2017 19:32

I would hate this too op, I don't want to be forced to interact with people first thing on a morning, I like the quiet time during the drive to work.

3luckystars · 02/02/2017 19:35

Turning up early is the worst offence here in Ireland! I would go mad!

Just say sorry I can't give you a lift anymore. If she asks why, just say 'sorry I just can't anymore' and stare into space. Let her push off.

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 19:43

Show me - Yeah, i only work in the same office as her 2 days per week...she twigged this and asked me if I'd take her...she lives a 10 minute walk away in the other direction but has to walk past the bus stop she uses on the other days to get to me...
Takes mya - glad to see im not being a total cow!
3 lucky stars...maybe I should move to Ireland lol
I'm really annoyed with myself because I should never have said yes in the first place!

OP posts:

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/02/2017 19:46

Maybe she likes the company or its crap getting the bus all the time. Who knows why she asked you but she's clearly capable of getting there by bus so I highly doubt she is trying to take advantage of you in any way. I'd much prefer to get the bus than get a lift with someone. No waiting around for them and no small talk. Just headphones all the way. I'm sure she won't mind OP - just tell her tonight.

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 19:52

Yes, I'm going to tell her...I'll give her a ring over the weekend.

I'll just be as honest as I can and hope she doesn't take offence!

Thanks for all the comments / advice :-)

OP posts:

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3luckystars · 02/02/2017 20:00

'I can't give you a lift anymore, I'm really sorry, I just need a bit of space in the morning on my own'
Or......

'I spilt curry sauce on the passenger seat'
' I like to pray on the way to work'
'I'm practicing singing for a show and need to sing in the car alone'
'I have calls to make on the way to work so I can't give you a lift anymore'
'I have uncontrollable flatulence'
'Your perfume is giving me a migraine '
'I need to visit my mother and feed her chickens before work from now on'

Toast3 · 02/02/2017 20:06

The uncontrollable flatulance one wins, hands down!! Lol

OP posts:

Roussette · 03/02/2017 08:41

Do tell her... I think lifts like this are perhaps when someone just cannot get into work without adding an hour onto their journey or whatever and then I suppose I might consider it.

The only reason this woman is doing it is to save bus fare. She has realised you go to her office twice a week, she walks by her normal bus stop to get to your house FFS!

I just cannot imagine me doing this when I'm perfectly capable of getting my normal bus to work. Instead I ask someone I don't know that well... can you drive me in please??! I think it's selfish and a nerve TBH, everyone needs quiet time in the morning!

Toast do tell her. When you do, she can get into work in the same way she does the other days so you aren't letting her down in any way whatsoever.

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