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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Early bird - AIBU

77 replies

Toast3 · 01/02/2017 07:56

Really cant work if I'm just being a grumpy bastard or whether my colleague is being unreasonable?!
Twice a week, I work in the same office as someone who lives fairly close to me ( ten minutes in the other direction). I leave home at 7am and it takes about 40 minutes to drive to work..
My colleague asked me if, on these 2 days, I would give her a lift..I have to admit I was a bit downbeat about it as I'm a grumpy bag first thing and use the commute time to clear my head, listen to the radio etc...anyway, I didn't feel I could say no, so agreed to it (half heartedly).

The plan was that she would arrive at 7am and we would leave together... she keeps turning up really early! She arrived, yesterday at 6.33am so ended up sitting in the lounge waiting for me to finish getting ready etc...it's an absolute pain in the arse as every minute is so precious in the morning! It's really winding me up!

I told her last week that I'd prefer it of she just arrived at 7am as agreed - as me and my OH aren't often ready before then...

If she arrives early again tomorrow, im going to have to tell her it isn't working out...she commented yesterday ....oh I'm always early for everything ...it's driving me mad....suggestions please..

OP posts:

jazzandh · 01/02/2017 08:51

she's be better off using her "early time" to get to work and be early there...what a waste of her own time, if it's then a further 40 minutes into work.

Eliza22 · 01/02/2017 08:54

Nope. I'd put an end to this right now. I can't imagine anything worse when I'm half asleep and trying to get my shit together for work.

Fortheloveofdog · 01/02/2017 08:58

Press button so car opens and let her sit there?

Cromwell1536 · 01/02/2017 09:10

I can see how you were railroaded into this arrangement, but honestly, even if it weren't for the painfully premature arrival, I'd be saying, "look, I agreed to this with serious reservations, because I need my quiet headspace commute time in the morning, and I've given it a good go - but it's just not working out for me. I know the logic of a carshare is faultless, but the absence of that quiet time is having a knock on effect for me during the day, and I'm going back to travelling alone. If there's ever an emergency in future, like a transport strike, of course I'd be happy to help out, but as a regular thing, no." I honestly don't think people can hold grudges for that, and if they do , well, fuck 'em!

jcne · 01/02/2017 09:11

oh good heavens no. my
commute is vital, precious time to prepare me for having to listen to my colleagues wittering all day.

echt · 01/02/2017 09:12

The commitment to get your head straight is reason enough for a no. I am up at 6.00. a.m. and would happily gouge out the eyes of anyone who wanted a regular lift that interrupted my essential audiobook calm, occasionally looking at the sea as I drive to work.

Occasional, yes. ANY regular stuff - fukkit.

livefornaps · 01/02/2017 09:14

I like your style, @echt. Fukkit indeed

shovetheholly · 01/02/2017 09:14

Just tell her you are not a morning person and you need time, uninterrupted, to get your head into gear. Say you enjoy her company, but at 7am not 6.30am and would she mind timing her arrival for 7 on the dot. There's no need to cancel the lift altogether before you've even had that conversation - many people totally rely on help from colleagues to get in and out of work.

melj1213 · 01/02/2017 09:15

YANBU - I think I'd be telling her that turning up at 6:30 is unreasonable and if she doesn't stop then you will no longer be giving her a lift as her insistance on arriving so early is not just annoying but it is actually inconveniencing you as you have to change your morning routine to accommodate her refusal to arrive at the arranged time.

It's one thing if she turned up a minute or two early to make sure you could leave by 7am; or turned up stupidly early one morning because she misread the time, but regularly turning up at 6:30 is just ludicrous and so rude! It's not like she has to get a bus to your house and is beholden to a bus schedule - she walks so she is actively choosing to leave unnecessarily early, I can understand giving yourself 15 minutes for a 10 minute walk but to give yourself a whole 30 minutes extra?! What time does she even get up to be able to do her morning routine and still leave the house by 6;20 ... and why would you do that voluntarily when you could have an extra half hour relaxing in your own house and still be on time?!

Having someone physically sitting there waiting always makes me feel under pressure and stressing to get everything done asap even if I have plenty of time because I feel like I am making them wait or that I am running late, even though I'm not. Some days I will be ready by 8:30 but not have to leave till 8:50 so will use those last 20 minutes to sit, relax and watch a bit of telly, finish my cuppa and just slowly acclimatise to the day ... if a colleague was sat on the other sofa waiting for their lift I'd feel like I should leave as soon as I was washed/dressed and technically ready to go, regardless of the time. And then on other occasions, if I've had a particularly late night and a 9am start I have been known to shower before bed, and not even roll out of bed until 8:30 then get washed, dressed, grab my bag and a snack for the car and drive straight to work ... so some days at 8:30 I'd be ready to go and other days I'd be just rolling out of bed, and I shouldn't have to feel obligated to change that routine because someone else can't manage their morning properly!

LexieLulu · 01/02/2017 09:22

Could you not pick her up? Timing is in your court then

Backt0Black · 01/02/2017 09:25

PLEASE update with her arrival time tomorrow !!!

I'd hate this. 'oh I always arrive early for everything' is not a valid reason. You're an ADULT regulate your behaviour for polite society FFS!!!!

Backt0Black · 01/02/2017 09:27

LexiLuLu think she lives 10 mins in opposite direction? ..... adding 20 mins to OP's commute, fueldcost and an earlier alarm call ..nightmare

MoonGeek · 01/02/2017 09:28

Tell her it's not working out

LexieLulu · 01/02/2017 09:29

I would have thought it was ten minutes walk rather than drive? Ten min drive would be 45-60min walk which would be insane for this woman to do instead of getting the bus?

user892 · 01/02/2017 09:31

Urgh. Can't abide 'always early' people.

Allthebestnamesareused · 01/02/2017 09:32

Personally I would rather she was early so I know I would be leaving on time. If she wasn't tipping up until dead on 7 I would be worrying myself that I wasn't going to leave when I wanted to and would be late etc.

If she is just sat somewhere quietly I don't really see the problem. Perhaps as someone else suggested let her wait in the car?

Rachel0Greep · 01/02/2017 09:32

Oh no, I would hate that! The thought of the bell ringing at 6.30 would annoy me, never mind the fact that you aren't leaving until 7. And I like my quiet time in the morning too.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 01/02/2017 09:40

But Allthebestnamesareused why would you worry about being late? You still leave at 7am, you don't wait you just go so you'll only ever be late of your own doing not hers.

I am in the being early camp is just as rude as being late and arriving at a colleagues house at 6.30am is beyond rude altogether, definitely nbu!

clairethewitch70 · 01/02/2017 09:45

5 minutes early would be normal and acceptable but half an hour no way. I would probably still be naked then and nowhere near ready.

LaContessaDiPlump · 01/02/2017 09:49

Asking to be let into someone's house at 6.30am?! no, just no. I'd do it as a one-off but would be horribly apologetic and never let it happen again!!

I second the 'Hold on, I'll open the car for you!' advice. Then leave your house PROMPTLY at 7am. She'll surely get that, or decide you are unfriendly and stop coming - either way you win!

Cakingbad · 01/02/2017 09:49

She's a grown woman who can go by bus or have her DH take her, just say you're sorry, but it's not working for you. I agree with this.

Liiinoo · 01/02/2017 09:51

YADNBU. You are very kind to give her a lift, I need some alone time before I start work and this would do my head in. From now on, if she turns up early, stick your head around the door and say 'we're not decent/not quite ready, can you wait in the car?' And then proceed to get ready in private and in your own good time.

ToastieRoastie · 01/02/2017 09:56

Why give her a lift at all? Just say it's not working out for you. I don't understand people who martyr themselves for others and then moan about it.

I will help people out but I wouldn't if it's something that makes my life harder, unless it was someone special to me or exceptional circumstances (e.g. A friend started a new job and childcare fell through, so I took her DC to school for a few weeks while she sorted other childcare, which meant we all had to get up and leave house 30min earlier than usual).

I could be sit in a car with someone for 40min as I'd be silently seething about not getting my own time. If you need an excuse, just say your DP and you might go to the gym some mornings and will be deciding on the day, so you can't offer lifts as you're not sure what your day to day plans are.

Palegreenstars · 01/02/2017 10:07

I was going to suggest lying and saying you've joined a gym or something so can't take her. But Cromwell's suggestion is perfect - and honest.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 01/02/2017 10:19

Pointedly make it clear her early arrival's 'interrupted' you and OH enjoying hot morning sex?

Make it so incredibly awkward for her that she'll never again dare risk it.

Theatrical breathlessness/ flushed face.
No talking whatsoever.
Refuse to look her in the eye.
Both you and OH be hurriedly wiping smudged lipstick off each other/ buttoning up clothes/ straightening hair etc.

Let her overhear OH grumpily muttering to you "Great, she's cut it short yet again. Are we ever going to get bloody privacy around here?".

Desperate measures and all that.

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