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AIBU?

Tired, lazy or depressed? AIBU to feel upset at my friend's comment?

56 replies

PlayNoBill · 19/01/2017 21:26

At a baby group the other day my DS 13 month old got a play dough cutter and put it in his mouth. I was sat down with a cuppa the other side of the table observing him chatting to a couple of other mums. There was another mum at the play dough table with her child and I called to her to tell her with the hopes she would just flick it out of his mouth. One of the mums I was with said "You do it lazy!" at me and I did.

When I sat down again I made my excuses, something along the lines of bad night's sleep, only just sat down with cuppa and I was feeling very tired. She said she didn't really mean anything by it and said she 'understood', but ever since then has teased me for being 'lazy'.

It has really troubled me ever since. I think I do have a tendency to steer towards being lazy but with 2 kids, working part time, all the shopping, cleaning, cooking and childcare I rarely get the chance to be lazy! I am also breastfeeding the my son and co sleeping with him and his 6yo sister, so a getting a good night's sleep is non-existent!

Am I being unreasonable to get upset at such a comment or just overly sensitive because I'm tired? I often wonder if there wasn't so much to do, would I just want to sit and stare at a wall in a darkened room and not move for hours?!

OP posts:

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WaterLilie · 20/01/2017 01:08

You did nothing wrong. As mums we should be helping each other out, not turning against each other. Don't feel bad, you're not to blame, the other woman is at fault.

Ponderingprivately · 20/01/2017 01:08

You should sort out your own toddler at a baby group, sorry. It's a bit lazy although I guess you know that or you wouldn't be upset.

I get really annoyed at toddler groups when people expect me to watch their child while they go to the toilet/get a cup of tea/chat to the group organizer for 10 minutes (this happened yesterday). I am watching my own child, I don't really need to be sorting yours out too.

WaterLilie · 20/01/2017 01:09

God, what's wrong with helping out other mums?

MommaGee · 20/01/2017 01:16

I get really annoyed at toddler groups when people expect me to watch their child while they go to the toilet/get a cup of tea/

Seriously?? What of YOU need to pee?? My friends little girl can be a bit of a crier when her mom goes off to get cake. Thankfully she loves my rendition of 5 little ducks. I also collect dropped toys and generally be awesome. All whilst supervising my own toddler. It makes the world a happier place to be.

WaterLilie · 20/01/2017 01:28

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if another mum asked me to look after their child whilst they went to the loo, got a cup of tea or whatever. It's not exactly asking a lot really at the end of the day is it?

SanitysSake · 20/01/2017 01:50

I'd be tempted, next time she said it to say 'alright, enough already!'

HermioneWoozle · 20/01/2017 02:04

If she is familiar enough to be teasing you about being "lazy", then she is familiar enough to say "Sure!" and get the toy off your child when you requested. Which is what a normal, kind person would have done.

TBH she sounds a bit of a dick and a bully, getting some kind of frisson every time she teases you for being "lazy", and probably has a lot of her own insecurities. I'd tell her that you find it rude and annoying. If she scoffs at that, just distance yourself from her.

And you know what? Be lazy. Don't be that daily towel washing doormat martryr we see regularly on MN.

redcarbluecar · 20/01/2017 04:25

You asked for a small favour as the other mum was nearer- sounds reasonable. Perhaps you are sensitive because of tiredness but the mum who keeps calling you lazy should give it a rest now- maybe tell her so, or drop a broad hint that it's worn thin.

BreatheDeep · 20/01/2017 04:42

You don't sound lazy to me. It would irritate me if someone kept repeating it too. I'd probably make a joke about it next time she said it.

Isn't everyone a tiny bit 'lazy' sometimes? And as a mum of 2 small children I'd love to sit and stare at walls in a darkened room occasionally!

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/01/2017 04:48

Asking someone to take something out of your child's mouth when they are nearer isn't lazy. If you are never in a position to reciprocate (because you're always having tea with other mums and never stuck in playing with the children) then there may be a grain of truth in it. Not that it's particularly lazy, because you obviously have a lot on, but so will most of the parents at a toddler group, so relatively, it wouldn't be pulling your weight.

But it sounds like the other mum who keeps calling you "lazy" is taking it too far. Is this because you turn up to the group, set your kid playing and sit with the other mums drinking tea every time, while some mums spend their time keeping all the kids going, or is it because she's an arse?

Whether YABU depends on the answer to that question in some ways. Not because if you do you are lazier than average - I expect many people sit around more than you - but because it's not on to leave it up to the mums of other toddlers to give you that relief, because they won't be the ones sitting around much more than you.

purplefizz26 · 20/01/2017 05:31

Bloody hell, the person who called you lazy is a dick.

Anyone who gets stroppy or grumpy because they were asked to help with something minor needs to get a grip.

Removing a toy from a kids mouth when you are sat right next to them is no big deal at all. Why would you traipse across the room when a friend could help.

If you had the woman chasing him around the room constantly and ignored what was going on, yes, that's not on, but what happened with you was such a none issue,

Ponderingprivately · 20/01/2017 05:39

Momma I take my kid with me. I don't expect other people to safely watch/soothe my child while they are watching their own whirlwind toddler.
Op, having said that I think calling you lazy is ott, I'm just making a more general point.

DianaT1969 · 20/01/2017 05:50

It could be a good wake up call to the current choices you are making. You can't be at your best for your children if you're sleep deprived so how about moving towards getting them sleeping in their own beds?
Shopping - can you have most delivered online in one big weekly shop?
Is there anything else you can do to get your time and energy back?

itsallbollocks · 20/01/2017 06:41

I remember grabbing the remnants of a burst balloon from a baby's mouth at a party, because the mum was busy. The baby was one of twins who were at the crawling around, shoving everything in their mouth stage. I then went around picking up any other little bits off the floor. She had 2 other children to watch as well, and was hosting a party. I had my 2 dc there too, but there's nothing wrong with looking out for other people's dc as well as your own, and helping each other.

Love51 · 20/01/2017 06:57

OP don't follow the advice to list everything you've done in the past 24 hours. The other Mums won't care, its pretty standard stuff at your life stage, which is knackering. Although its pretty much impossible to be lazy while holding down a job and being primary carer for 2 little ones, this Mum doesn't want to be the person helping and picking up the slack. It says more about her than you (my toddler group even babysat when someone went to the Drs during it, probably invalidating some insurance!) Don't ruminate on it.

Huldra · 20/01/2017 07:47

If I were sitting near a child and the parents asked me to take something off them I would, then forget all about it. The other parent isn't necessarily lazy or expecting others to watch their child, they're asking for a tiny favour.

If she goes on about it again maybe say Isn't it time to drop that now.

NicknameUsed · 20/01/2017 07:58

Pondering I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to watch your child while you nip to the loo. IMO it would be if it was because you CBA to do look after your own children.

PlayNoBill why can't you do online shopping instead? That would strike one thing off your list.

Witchend · 20/01/2017 09:02

If you'd been watching a baby, or tidying or something, then calling across is fine.
But while chatting and having a cup of tea comes across as rude. I suspect the other mother would have rather been doing that too.

I suspect you'd find a good proportion of the mums there would be at least as sleep deprived as you, so then saying how tired you are sounded either like an excuse or rather special snowflake depending how you said it.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 20/01/2017 09:11

Oh for goodness sakes! You're not lazy for asking someone nearby to take someone out of your baby's mouth! I'm sure you would return the favour.

Also I hate it when adults talk to other adults like they are children. She sounds bloody rude.

I'd have left as well. Hope you find a friendlier baby group with less politics going on.

SolomanDaisy · 20/01/2017 09:12

How ridiculous. Any reasonable person would have no problem removing something from a toddler's mouth, it's not exactly an arduous task. I went to a brilliant toddler group that had volunteers to keep an eye on the kids so everyone got a chance to have a cup of coffee and a chat!

Somedays · 20/01/2017 09:19

I don't think it was lazy at all, just parents helping each other out - it takes a village to raise a child and all that. Maybe if your son spent 20 mins putting the cutter in his mouth and you left the other Mum to deal with it, but as you describe, just normal behaviour.

And to the PP who called it a major incident really? You need to get out more...

JaxingJump · 20/01/2017 09:23

Oh for God sake! OP I would have helped you out by using 2 seconds of my time to avoid you having to get up and come over to where I was to do exactly the same thing.

Your friend who commented is a dick.

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Dieu · 20/01/2017 09:25

No wonder you're tired, if sharing a bed with 2 children!

JaxingJump · 20/01/2017 14:02

Lol Dieu, I think that's a separate post though and not one she's asking for help with (yet).

hackmum · 20/01/2017 14:09

Calling somebody "lazy" is rude. It wasn't anything to do with her in the first place, was it? You were asking another mum. Continuing to call you "lazy" after that is even ruder.

I think it's one of those situations, OP, where you have to remind yourself: It's not me, it's her. People with good social skills don't go round calling other people "lazy" or any other unpleasant epithet. Minimise the amount of time you spend with her if you can.

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