Strange babysitting request

[Maisy84]

My dh is currently away on business and my downstairs neighbours have asked me to babysit by having a monitor in my flat linked to their babies room in their flat (technically we're in the same house) as it's a big Georgian house divided into flats. I just don't feel it's safe for a number of reasons, firstly if there was a fire or smoke or a quiet intruder downstairs how would I know? Secondly if their son does wake up (they assure me he won't) I'd have to go downstairs and leave my child unattended - he's six years old and would be in bed but quite often wakes up for the toilet or bad dreams - and then what if I locked myself out or something. I've said no but feel they are a bit shocked as it wouldn't really inconvenience me, I'm happy to babysit when my dh returns and I can be in the same flat as the baby! They are both very hipster and have made it clear they think I'm being over-anxious, am I!??

[EddieStobbart]

I wouldn't, terrible idea. The risks might be tiny but they are still there and with a fire, you are not supposed to go running into a burning building, aside from anything else you'll let more oxygen in when you open the door and make the fire worse, could create a backdraft.

I was Interested in this thread as there was a similar one a few weeks ago (husband wanted to leave baby monitor with neighbour) and lots of people were fine with it, primarily based on a tiny risk of problems and being no further away than going out the hang out the washing. I was really surprised.

[Verbena37]

I guess the thing is, it was at one time one large house......before baby monitors were around. Perhaps they had a nanny for their babies then though, who slept in an adjoining room.

However, now they're all separated into flats with their owns doors etc, not really safe.
Good idea about taking him to your flat but too late now.

[AfroPuffs]

What if the upstairs neighbour falls asleep on the sofa and can't hear the baby? This is horrendous and they are awful parents

[MakeItStopNeville]

Madeline McCann changed parenting forever when it comes to this. We used to go to our neighbours' house for dinner and take the monitor with us and take it in turns to check every half an hour or if we heard a noise through the monitor. Their dining room was closer than if we were in our own back garden.

When we were on holiday, we would regularly chat to other parents who had left their kids in the apartment and were eating dinner with the baby monitor on them. We never did as our villa wasn't in town.

In this circumstance, it's not even your child so I would say yes to babysitting, as long as it was in your own flat and you actually wanted to.

[CesareBorgiasUnicornMask]

I once did this for our across-the-hall neighbour, for fairly pressing reasons. But I dragged an armchair into my hall and sat reading with both my front door and their dead-opposite front door open, so I was about ten paces from my DS and fifteen from their DD. They thought I was bonkers when they got back but I would just have felt terribly uncomfortable having two locked front doors between me and their DD. Wouldn't even consider it on different floors with separate entrances.

[panjandrumpyjamas]

Also MarmiteMakesMeHappy comments are spot on and word what is making me and others, uncomfortable about this situation.

[dustarr73]

God no,their entrance is out the hall door and around a corner.Im somewhat lax but even i wouldnt do that.

I have no idea what you could say to them,they seem to just dump the child and go out.

[panjandrumpyjamas]

If you are looking after some else kids then what you might let slide as a a parent becomes a no no. Also your own home isn t separate units with separate electrics, doors and kitchens. IF they are this slack about the baby what else is left plugged in, seen as not important. If there was gas or smoke from your kitchen it is a likely hood you would smell it first and you know if the hair straighters are unplugged. It is about risk management. Those risk increase with each changing variable. MMe? I wouldn t want to do it and would be worried about what else they let slide. It seems so lackadaisical in attitude.

[WhisperingLoudly]

I wouldn't ask someone to babysit in those circumstances but on the other hand we live in a Georgian house and my DC are currently asleep several floors up and I'm not sure there's a whole lot of difference

[BakeOffBiscuits]

I'd be really worried a it this and I think I'd phone NSPCC and ask what they think about it.

I wouldn't report them but would have a word with the parents and tell a bit of a white lie."I have a friend who's a social worker and they told me ........- repeat what the NSPCC person says".
Hopefully they will listen and get a bloody baby sitter!

[girlelephant]

YANBU! That's a completely unsafe way to babysit.
There was a similar thread on here last year where a MN's DH wanted to leave their child in the house and the NDN with a monitor. The MN posted here to ask if anyone would agree to it as it made her uncomfortable.
The consensus was similar to here

[cheeseandpineapple]

The entrance to their flat is outside the house, they've already been broken into once and they've arranged someone to baby sit via a baby monitor two floors up. Chances are it will all be fine but it's just not worth taking the risk. They sound somewhat reckless rather than hipsters

[Wdigin2this]

No way!

[DearMrDilkington]

How old is baby?

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I must have been around 6 or 7 btw....

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I wouldn't do it.

This has made me remember the time my parents went out and left me in the care of whatever type of baby monitor they had back in the mid-eighties; the other end of it was in our 'neighbour's' flat 2 buildings away (we lived on an expatriate compound with 4 flats per building). I knew I was alone in the flat and it was dark and I was scared (plus we didn't know anyone else in our building) so I deliberately sobbed into the monitor while curled around it. The neighbours came and got me and my parents never tried that stunt again.

I know the subject in this case is a baby and therefore oblivious, but still!!

[MarmiteMakesMeHappy]

The chances of something happening are tiny

But the chances of the baby waking up and just needing a quick head stroke /cuddle / whatever, are not tiny.

I flipping hope 'bloke in upstairs flat' is prepared to go and do random spot checks and not just assume silence is ok.

ALso, how on earth did they not text back and say "phew, thanks so much, blokey upstairs has offered but we feel much safer having baby with you"

I am usually really relaxed about stuff like this, but they are being irresponsible arses.

[38cody]

Thats just totally irresponsible! yanbu

[rookiemere]

YANBU if you dont feel comfortable then you should not do it.

However for those referring to MMcc the two scenarios don't seem very similar to me. Firstly they had no baby monitor, secondly they were about 100 m away not right upstairs and thirdly they left the apartment unlocked.

[BiscuitMillionaire]

YANBU. I wouldn't worry about abduction. But what if the baby woke up crying, you went to their flat, and meanwhile your child woke up alone in the house, came looking for you in your room and you weren't there?

[FurryLittleTwerp]

It does seem odd, but would probably be absolutely fine - the risk of something going dangerously wrong is minuscule, & that risk might well affect you & your child in your own flat at the same time - fire, intruder, flood etc.

having said that, I'd be much happier if I were in with the child, or the child were in with me in a travel cot or something.

About 20 years ago my parents visited a Dutch friend in Rotterdam - my DM was horrified when she realised they were all going out for the evening, leaving the ten month old daughter asleep in her cot - properly out in a taxi, not to a restaurant downstairs in the same block or anything. It was fine & "a thing" apparently

[pringlecat]

I can kind of see where they're coming from, but presumably as the house is divided into flats, it's not as easy/quick to get from the room you're in to the room that their baby is in as it would have been before that conversion? And if you are in a different room, you need to be able to sprint there in a heartbeat if something goes wrong.

I can therefore understand why you would feel uncomfortable, even if you didn't have your own DC to look after and couldn't readily leave your flat and go to theirs.

If you're looking after children, you have to be in the same self-contained unit. I can just picture the worst case scenario of you dashing out from your flat to get to a crying baby elsewhere in the building and accidentally locking yourself out of both flats and getting horribly distressed.

[JenniferYellowHat1980]

I would be telling them they're irresponsible. I would want to report bit don't know if I'd have the balls.

[KayTee87]

I can't believe they would leave their baby in a flat by itself, terrible parenting. How well do they even know you or this other neighbour?
Yanbu at all!

[Knackered46]

God no! I'm the queen of slack parenting and I wouldn't do it!