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AIBU?

Kids party on my birthday

50 replies

Oofimanoeuf · 09/01/2017 19:42

More of a wwyd but hoping some of you here remember my thread about legoland and ds birthday and him not making friends.
Turns out he's made a couple of friends!!
He got his first invite to a birthday party today and I was so excited. Then I read the date... it's on my birthday and DH has booked a hotel and DM has agreed to take DS for the weekend whilst we do a few bits with friends and have a nice romantic weekend together.
Book in for the hotel is meant to be 12pm on my actual birthday (it is flexible and can be pushed back). The kids party is at 11am-1pm. DM lives 1:30 mins away from us and (not sure about the hotel distance as this was meant to be a surprise).
I've asked if DM can pick ds up but DF's car is a bit dodgy classic and it's a big risk asking it to do such a long journey.
DH says he'd like to not be too late at the hotel as the facilities won't be open all day and he's paid for something that we need to be able to do at some point that day.
I'm very excited and grateful for my birthday treat but I also want DS to go to his friends birthday party. Wwyd? Aibu to say he can go for the first hour, take him to dm's and then go to the hotel? I feel like my other option would be to organise a play date with the kid on another date and give the kid a present and card then?

OP posts:

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TathitiPete · 10/01/2017 19:00

Brilliant, that's a great result. Enjoy your birthday shenanigans

A playdate with the birthday boy wouldn't have been the same thing really. At the party there'll be other boys and he could find things in common with another party attendee and strike up more friendships that way. One to one is good too but its different than a gang of boys in a group setting. So definitely good that he gets to go.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 10/01/2017 18:53

Oh good, glad it's worked out.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 10/01/2017 16:17

Good result

2014newme · 10/01/2017 16:07

I wouldn't take him to the party there will be plenty more

Oofimanoeuf · 10/01/2017 16:04

My DM and DF have now said their car issue is sorted and they can pick him up so I can definitely take him! Thank you all. I was so torn but he is definitely going! I'm probably a bit too excited considering it's a kids party lol. I am rather excited about all the fun things booked for me too. This will also give me some good ideas about how ds party can go when he has his birthday. Thanks again everyone. Definitely a lot of mixed opinions and ideas. I was planning on taking him for half if the parents of birthday child agreed and then being late to my birthday treat but now it will be much easier

OP posts:

manicinsomniac · 10/01/2017 13:21

Is it a whole class party or has he been actively chosen by the birthday child? If the latter I would be making more of an effort to do the party as it is a definite sign of a friendship. If it's whole class then I would think that the child or parents probably haven't thought about individual children or friendships and that you turning down the invite won't be seen as a rejection of an offering of friendship in the same way.

Especially now that I read he's only 4, I think I'd give the party a miss. 4 year olds have loads of whole class parties so I think he'll be invited to another. They also don't talk about parties much before or after, nor do they really register who's there at the time. I don't think it's the huge social milestone it would be if he was 7+

RedHelenB · 10/01/2017 12:53

take him to the party and then leave straight after. It's important to you that he goes I know.

KC225 · 10/01/2017 12:40

I am another one for taking him to the party if he has struggled to make friends. Can they get a train or a coach and offer to get tickets. Look into day car hire for fun and practicality

DontTouchTheMoustache · 10/01/2017 12:20

Yes there is no point going on with your birthday plans if you are going to spend the whole time feeling guilty. It sounds more like you are trying to keep DH happy than anything. Find out from DH what the absolute latest time you can get to the hotel and still use the activity he has planned for and see if. You can make it work.

PippaFawcett · 10/01/2017 12:20

I think if he is only 4 and you can't change the date of the hotel, then I would do as others suggest and arrange an alternative date for a playdate instead.

Four-year-olds live in the moment so much that there won't be much talking about the party before or afterwards so I wouldn't worry too much about that element. I understand why you are torn. Unless your mum can travel to you and look after him at your house instead? Apologies if that was covered upthread.

Whosthemummynow · 10/01/2017 12:19

You son is only 4! I thought you were going to say he was 9! there will be multiple class parties at this age. Not all children (esp boys) care too much about making friends for life at this age.

Invite the boy for a play after school one day

ThanksForAllTheFish · 10/01/2017 12:19

I'm with wanderingsoul on this.

Explain to host you can't make it as you already have plans that can't be changed and try to arrange separate playdate with the birthday boy. I know you don't want you DS to be left out but I think a play date might be better to make friendships anyway - the birthday boy will be hyper and mixing with all the guests so very little one on one time with your son. This will also give you the perfect excuse to initiate a playdate rather than the awkwardness that can come from approaching someone you don't know to ask them out of the blue.

It's a kids birthday party vs expensive hotel/ short break / DH planned surprises etc. I think the hotel should win, particularly if your DH has gone to a lot of effort.

Isadora2007 · 10/01/2017 12:15

It's YOUR birthday treat. So if YOU would prefer to take your son to his party and hat would make you feel happier or more relaxed about the friendship issues then please do it regardless of missing a spa treatment or whatever. If not, you run the risk of going along with things as planned but not enjoying them and stressing about the friendship issues still. Or being sad on your birthday about it all.
Could your DH go pick up his mum and bring her back to yours for the party finishing as i and assuming the hotel is nearer where you live? She can watch him at your house and stay over?

Oofimanoeuf · 10/01/2017 12:14

I'm still torn. I haven't had any decent time off since November and this is the first time DH has actually put a smidgen of effort in for my birthday. But DS would be missing out :(

OP posts:

Oofimanoeuf · 10/01/2017 12:13

Mum can't stay up here as she has a few other commitments where she lives over the weekend. I have asked already.

OP posts:

edwinbear · 10/01/2017 12:05

Take him to the party, let him be part of the 'gang' to help him develop his friendships.

m0therofdragons · 10/01/2017 11:37

Can you decline invite but invite dc who is having the party for a play date and get it in the diary for the week before or after so you nurture the friendship?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 10/01/2017 11:35

Can't your mum come to yours and have him there and take him to the party rather than him going to hers?

If not I'd take to the party and go to the hotel a bit later, couple of hours later isn't going to make that much difference.

Oofimanoeuf · 10/01/2017 11:24

He's only 4. I've checked out an uber/cab and it would be £100+ just for one way. There is no way I could afford that.

OP posts:

AgentProvocateur · 10/01/2017 10:55

What age is your child? If he's 12 and it's the first party he's been invited to, I'd go to the party for a while and leave early. It's he's 5, there will be many more parties so I'd give it a miss and go to the hotel as planned.

SpringerS · 10/01/2017 10:35

Parties aren't a great time to make friendships anyway, they're too busy and the kids will just be rushing around.

Kids parties aren't just about the party though are they? For the days before all the kids at school will be bonding in their excitement at going. And for the days after the party the attendees will be a little clique laughing and joking about stuff that happened during it. If the OP's DS doesn't go he will miss out on all that friendship building time. The fact that he was invited but can't go could actually exacerbate any feeling of being left out. If he was a social kid who made lots of easy friendships or if he wasn't very social but had one or two good friends at school it wouldn't matter so much. But if he's had a hard time fitting in and is only just now starting to form friendships, it's too delicate a time and missing the first party he's been invited to could put him back to square one.

876TaylorMade · 10/01/2017 10:24

Can you pick up DM in the morning.

Take son to party... let him enjoy himself. Take him home then got to hotel
and pay for taxi for DM to get home?

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ShowMeTheElf · 10/01/2017 10:19

How about your DPs having your son at your house for the weekend instead of at theirs? Would that make it workable?

lifetothefull · 10/01/2017 10:15

This is not the only opportunity for him to make friends. It is your only opportunity for a night away with DH and you've been looking forward to it. I agree with trying to arrange a playdate with birthday boy another time. It is more likely to be a friendship building opportunity than a party.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 10/01/2017 10:14

I'd do the party for DS, no question. Mine struggles socially and any invitations he does get are very precious and important to him.

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