To ask for help re dd travelling options here as she has been let down by friend .

[ginorwine]

Posting here for traffic as dd upset and I really cd do with some options and perspective - story first .
Dd long term bf agreed to go travel this summer before uni
Wen dd discussed some weeks ago her friend told her she didn't recall the conversation and she had arranged go with two other girls
My dd upset and after discussion the other girl said join them
Dd thought about it and said y day she wd like to ( some weeks later - lot on a level revision etc) so her friend gave her the dates and itinerary
Then later yesterday evening she got a text to say she couldn't go as the others didn't want her to
( she doesn't know the others well ) and the reason they gave was they have refused others so can't allow dd . The mother of the other girl said it's because they don't want upset group dynamic .
My dd v upset as it feels like she has been told she can do this twice then told she can't .
I was there when they originally discussed it and find it hard to believe that her friend forgot the discussion . She is a very polite girl and I guess this is an excuse .
The girls mum I suspect but don't know thinks my dd is bit of wild child in that she goes to parties , drinks quite a bit ( had to go to hospital once but learnt from it ) - she does not more than many teens but the difference is she tells me !
The girls mum has told me that she thinks this once and in the back of my mind is the worrying thought that there may be some influence away from my dd here .for eg my dd has not been invited on holiday to their holiday home despite her friend saying she wanted her to go but others have for number of years . She's been told her can go but then she sees a snap chat of her there with someone else .
Anyway I now have a very upset dd who had planned the travel as a motivation to buckle down with her a levels .
Her other friends in her set are not going to travel .
Does anyone know of any schemes were dd could travel - ? She doesn't want to go alone . I have googled but can't find .
She is very sad about her friend - can't understand it - do I mention my suspected social engineering ? It could be me being totally paranoid - but I want her to kno that friends can be relied on as it's broken some of her vision of friendship a bit - so if I cd explain a possible context it may help ? ( but it's a gut reaction / fear not actual knowledge )
So it's two things
1 travel options
2 do I discuss as above or is it not my business !
I'm very upset ( and may not be thinking clearly )as she is vulnerable at the mo so please be gentle ..

[Peachesandcream15]

I can recommend intrepid and busabout.

Lots of volunteering schemes available. One in Australia, working on farms for lodging and board. Woof-ing I think it was called.

[hoddtastic]

I am not sure it's making a big deal of it, I had a mate who was a fucking nightmare when we went out, i don't go out with her any more. It's supposed to be fun. DD had a mate who was similar, i told her she wasn't to leave her when the drama started (and it always did) but was to ring her mum/stick her in a cab home and say she was on her way.
she also no longer hangs out with that kid. It's draining.

[loobyloo1234]

Hi OP

If you google STA travel gap year, scroll down on that first page, they have tours in many places that she can book. I found STA travel really easy to book with and they also have offices dotted around the UK if you wanted to go in with her for peace of mind

[loobyloo1234]

PS re the friends, stay out of of it. She's 18, not a child

[AnaMaleka]

In my experience travelling for a gap year, those who went as a group of friends ended up arguing, splitting up etc. Or they stuck together and barely met anybody else. Those who went alone or with just one other person met a lot more people (although obviously two can and did split up too!).

And congratulations on having a teen who is open with you!

[DailyFail1]

She would get more value on a GAP year working overseas than holidaying, so might have dodged a bullet. However aren't you concerned about how she'll behave when she gets there? If my dd had a history of getting drunk and partying, and was expecting me to pay for her trip, I'd expect to see proof that she's changed. Sending a wild child abroad is often a tragedy waiting to happen.

[Tenshidarkangel]

www.campamerica.co.uk/

^Another one

Sod her friends. She can make new ones going abroad. One of my best friends I met in China on a Cultural exchange. :)

[BarbarianMum]

I think some posters need to get a grip. Op's DD goes to parties and drinks and occasionally gets drunk. Lots of teens do this - she's hardly disappearing for days, snorting coke and getting inadvisable tattoos. Plus she's an adult so can travel where she likes without providing "proof" of anything.

GAP years can be excellent - if you want one. But travelling for a summer is also rewarding and a perfectly valid alternative.

[specialsubject]

first, if she wants a long holiday (which is all travelling is), fine - who is paying? Has she sorted visas and insurance?

second, if she wants to volunteer SHE needs to do the research. Entitled British kids (and ALL british gap kids are entitled) are of very limited use as volunteers. Plenty of volunteering needed in the UK although the suntan opportunities are not as good. If she does work or volunteer abroad, she MUST have the right insurance and visas and that costs.

third, can't tell the exact situation but it is possible that her mates don't want a dull pisshead on the trip with them. Or that may not be the case at all. Anyway, they don't want to go with her so time to move on.

[Peppapogstillonaloop]

In the nicest possible way you sound massively over invested in the friendship dynamics so I'd probably take a step back from that if I were you. Just focus on helping her with travel plans. She sounds smart and confident so I'm sure would get in well going on her own/with an organised group..

[OliviaStabler]

Going back to the friend though, it could be that it was just a pie in the sky conversation for her. 'Wouldn't it be great if we traveled next summer, we could go to ...' and she forgot all about it afterwards. I had friends who did this. I thought they meant it, they did't actually.

[dollydaydream114]

I have no travel suggestions but I see that lots of others have, so that's good. To be honest I'm sure your daughter is capable of going online and looking for travel options herself, too. If she isn't, she's probably not mature enough to go travelling.

Regarding what you tell your daughter about her friend, friendships change and move on. This is part of being an adult. Sometimes people let you down and it's sad and hurtful and it's a shame that it happens, but we make the best of things when it does. That's it.

Yes, she's upset, of course, and it's lovely that you're being so supportive to her, but I don't think she needs anything more than your sympathy and a shoulder to cry on. Ultimately you don't know what her friend's motives were. Perhaps you are right about your daughter being seen as a wild child who can't be trusted, but you don't actually know that was why her friend ditched her, so I wouldn't speculate about that with your daughter. It will only complicate things.

[flissfloss65]

I did Camp America for two summers. She could do that as it is organised and you can then travel around the country for a month after. She may then have the confidence to travel on her own. My son is looking at doing a ski season for work in his gap year.

[sparechange]

Does she want to go away for the summer before uni (as in your original OP), or for a gap year?

One is an extended holiday, the other needs more planning and ideally an objective of what you want to get out of it (just for the experience, to learn a new language, to earn some money, something for the CV etc)

[maddiemookins16mum]

Another possibility is working for a travel firm (but would be based in one resort). A lot of firms take on high season reps, and they know they have to be back in the UK for the start of Uni. That way she samples some overseas life, gets paid (not a lot), gets accommodation etc and flights there and back (she may have to pay a uniform deposit though).

She could try contacting them, big tip is not to just stick with the larger firms, Tui etc, they will get thousands of applications. This is approaching the main time of year for recruitment drives for travel firms for seasonal work. It would help if she drives possibly too. If not, does she have any child care experience as this is also a bonus for some big chain overseas hotels who want UK staff in their hotels during the summer too.

She'll do well if she has an outgoing personality (that said, it can be long hours but there's a lot of partying too).

Just a thought.

[Notagainmun]

I agree with camp America. My son went without his friends and made lots of new ones.

[ginorwine]

Special
I don't think she is a dull piss head
She has worked for over a year
She has worked with students older than her in a specialist equine field where her ability has helped other s
She was v drunk once - made a mistake and hasn't done it since . She is young and has learnt from it - crikey you sound harsh .
And yes she has a grand in the bank from her job and will have more by June - she works hard for her wage - it's three pounds an hour as she is currently 17 - that's not an entitled dull piss head is it ? !
And I'm not drip feeding re her vol work or her equine ability - it was not relevant to the post .

[ginorwine]

Peppa I kno I'm being a bit over protective 😄Dd has supported her pal thro some difficult stuff so I guess I'm my world loyalty was anticipated . I kno the world doesn't always work that way but loyalty feels important to me .

[ginorwine]

Thanks for suggestions - really helpful .
I agree that she needs to move on ( as do l! )

[SolomanDaisy]

What about eurocamp? It doesn't have the initial costs of Camp America.

[ginorwine]

Thanks Solomon
Do you know what experience needed ? She has lots of restraunt and equine too .

[GloriaGaynor]

I think you should just chalk it up to experience that girls' at that age can be quite capricious.

It sounds as if bf originally intended to go travelling with your dd, but then these other two girls invited her and she preferred to do that. Presumably the other two girls don't know or like your dd as well as her bf, and that's why they don't want her. Although if there is any grain of truth in the 'wild child' thing I can understand why if they feel she might be a liability.

There's no guarantee the other 3 will have a good time anyway. Three friends of mine went off to the Greek Islands after A levels, and spent the summer arguing and excluding each other!

[WriterNeedsHelp2017]

In EuroCamp you have to greet new customers, deliver things like BBQs and gas bottles to them, deal with any queries/bad behaviour and clean the mobile homes at the end of their stay. Most people working there are in their late teens/early twenties, though there are some older people who do it, too. All the customers were British, so no language barrier, but if she has a language from school that'll be really useful. My daughter loved it - they were outdoors all the time, lots of young people, nice environment and atmosphere. She did have to call security on some middle aged women who were drunk, though

[ginorwine]

Mimi you are mistaken I'm not a cool mum . After her drunken night she was sent to school and when she texted to say she had been sick and could she come home , my reply was that whilst I was sorry to hear she was suffering from the ill effects of too much to drink - she needed to learn from it and she may not come home ! That's not cool that's learning .
And I never said other parents were idiots . We all do our best and mine is the fine tight rope of hearing about her life , letting go where I can , guiding where I can and stamping down on her when I need to . I'd rather her learn how to handle risks from the relative safety of being based at home now than try everything new hundreds of miles away at uni etc . A cool mum can be described as whatever and hands off - hands off I'm not - it's pretty tiring to guide a young person with a zest for life at times .

[ginorwine]

Thanks writer
Sounds great !