To ask for help re dd travelling options here as she has been let down by friend .

[ginorwine]

Posting here for traffic as dd upset and I really cd do with some options and perspective - story first .
Dd long term bf agreed to go travel this summer before uni
Wen dd discussed some weeks ago her friend told her she didn't recall the conversation and she had arranged go with two other girls
My dd upset and after discussion the other girl said join them
Dd thought about it and said y day she wd like to ( some weeks later - lot on a level revision etc) so her friend gave her the dates and itinerary
Then later yesterday evening she got a text to say she couldn't go as the others didn't want her to
( she doesn't know the others well ) and the reason they gave was they have refused others so can't allow dd . The mother of the other girl said it's because they don't want upset group dynamic .
My dd v upset as it feels like she has been told she can do this twice then told she can't .
I was there when they originally discussed it and find it hard to believe that her friend forgot the discussion . She is a very polite girl and I guess this is an excuse .
The girls mum I suspect but don't know thinks my dd is bit of wild child in that she goes to parties , drinks quite a bit ( had to go to hospital once but learnt from it ) - she does not more than many teens but the difference is she tells me !
The girls mum has told me that she thinks this once and in the back of my mind is the worrying thought that there may be some influence away from my dd here .for eg my dd has not been invited on holiday to their holiday home despite her friend saying she wanted her to go but others have for number of years . She's been told her can go but then she sees a snap chat of her there with someone else .
Anyway I now have a very upset dd who had planned the travel as a motivation to buckle down with her a levels .
Her other friends in her set are not going to travel .
Does anyone know of any schemes were dd could travel - ? She doesn't want to go alone . I have googled but can't find .
She is very sad about her friend - can't understand it - do I mention my suspected social engineering ? It could be me being totally paranoid - but I want her to kno that friends can be relied on as it's broken some of her vision of friendship a bit - so if I cd explain a possible context it may help ? ( but it's a gut reaction / fear not actual knowledge )
So it's two things
1 travel options
2 do I discuss as above or is it not my business !
I'm very upset ( and may not be thinking clearly )as she is vulnerable at the mo so please be gentle ..

[vietzay]

There are pretty much a lot of volunteering needed throughout the SE of Asia, why not trying them. Ive done more with a vietnamese agency here:
www.vietnameseluxurytravel.com
or
www.vietnameseprivatetours.com

[urbanrock]

Trek America is fab, I went about 12 years ago, had a great time. A lot of camping and travelling in a small group, not cheap though but it's safe and well organised.

[ginorwine]

Yes and part of me is gkad she can be wild and studious and all sorts of things

[ginorwine]

Gloria
The parents are quite controlling actually
The dd does not for eg let her feelings out as some she thinks are not acceptable she has told me this herself
Some folk do control things like this and I'm aware their social mix is of a certain homogenous type and introductions sound like " oh meet so and so he's a doctor you know " I do not have any issue with this myself as I can hold my own professionally but my friends are from a mixed demographic - I sometimes think I detect that the dd in question is steered into quite limited situations and my dd may be seen as wild as she tries more things . The drinking episode was once many teens do this as well as oarty!

[GloriaGaynor]

They're 18 I very much doubt it has anything to do with the parents.

If 'part' of you knows she can be a bit wild, no doubt these girls know it too, and they don't want to have to deal with that abroad.

That's ok, it's a legitimate choice, and your daughter can have a look at how her behaviour impacts herself and other people.

[ginorwine]

And thanks for all your help that you have given me to get over my chins bring piss labelled and to help her take this on the chin and like you say plan her own stuff 😄

[ginorwine]

Thanks - I do think that she may have been labelled after one mistake ( she had too much vodka - felt ok one min the next ill )
Thus seems to have forgotten her voluntary work and her ability to hold down a job as well as receiving recognition from school fir helping a person who was very ill in the city and whilst people looked on put them in recovery and rang fir help - as well as liking to party . Part of me knows she can be wild but part of me recognises it cd be parents wrapping dc up in cotton wool easy from the 'Risky ' one - but she is not the worst behaved I do kno that . And I don't exclude the worst behaved from our house either .

[HelenaGWells]

I would suggest she looks at summer opportunities like camp america or something more specific to her interests. These things often have lots of young people going alone.

DH went to a summer camp in the US with BUNAC years ago and still keeps in touch with several people he met there. Some of these guys are like his family and one is his best friend. He went on his own knowing nobody. He came out more confident, happier and with lifelong friends.

The dates are usually nicely compatible with the summer break you have between college and uni and she may have some extra time afterwards to travel before she comes home.

The best way to deal is for her to plan her own awesome trip. Once she hits uni she may well have an entirely new friendship group very quickly anyway. Life's too short to both about people who judge you so harshly.

[JustSpeakSense]

As a mum, I would be worried about my DD travelling with another girl who may be a bit wild, or reckless. Perhaps mention this to your DD, maybe it's time to move on from friends that may have her 'labelled' as that. Especially one making promises and invitations and then letting DD down.

I think this is probably a blessing in disguise, you wouldn't want to be travelling with girls who didn't really want you there and feel like the outsider, they sound a bit 'clicky'

[ginorwine]

Fab ideas ! Many thanks .
I fancy doing them myself I realy do !

[MimiSunshine]

If she decided being a smelly backpacker 😉 Isn't what she's after she could look for a job on a carribean cruise ship.

It's a bit more mainstream but a friend did it for a couple of years before uni and loved it, she got a retail job just like any you could get on the high street but her time off was on a carribean beach instead.

I wish I'd thought if it

[Andylion]

I would also say that her friend is obviously spineless, and for that reason should be ditched as an unwanted travelling companion.

I agree.

"for eg my dd has not been invited on holiday to their holiday home despite her friend saying she wanted her to go but others have for number of years . She's been told her can go but then she sees a snap chat of her there with someone else."

It appears that her bf hasn't figured out that inviting your DD before clearing it with her parents, (and that her parents would inevitably not agree to the invitation), could be hurtful. Most teens would have worked out which friends are not welcome and not subject them to this.

[user1471550517]

I did TrekAmerica and loved it. At 18 she'll miss out on some activities as she'll be underage for bars, but before you book you can ask the ages of others on the trip to ensure you're amongst people of a similar age.

Most of the trips are camping, and have a food kitty to keep costs down. I've done 2 trips and the majority of people go alone, and get talking on Facebook before the trips start.

[3awesomestars]

My daughter went to Cambodia with a company called projects abroad when she was 17, they had more options and it was cheaper for over 18s. She had a brilliant time and the company were very good.

[ginorwine]

Thinking
Sounds like you love the beautiful creatures too !

[ginorwine]

Thinking - she probably would . She loves them especially the rehabilitation side . She wanted to be equine physio but she does not feel she can do the subjects she needs for that. I bet she would love that she is calm and firm with horses and gas ridden many difficult ones for people and she is familiar with safety issues , behaviour and good old mucking out .! I will try and find out info to discuss and put on the discussion list .
Thankyou .

[thinkingaboutfostering]

Would she be interested in doing something equine related? Some friends of mine went to Iceland and worked on horse farms in Iceland for the summer. Fantastic and beautiful country plus some pretty remarkable horses! (I am very biased!).

[ginorwine]

Thanks mega
She has already done voluntary work schooling poorly treated horses and fancies further work with animals or children .

[ginorwine]

Ellis
I'm not paying she is - she has a part time job and has saved about 1 k but will have more in June . Not bad on a £ 3 something wage ?

[meganorks]

I think your dd has a real opportunity to do something actually confidence building and learn new skills rather than just travelling with a group of mates. There are lots of good suggestions here. I think usually with these things (Raleigh, camp America etc) people go for a certain amount of time but allow a month or so after to travel with their new found friends. And as someone said, will look much better on your cv than just travelling with your mates.

[SolomanDaisy]

This is the link for eurocamp jobs. I know lots of people who've loved it.

www.eurocampjobs.com/jobs/couriers.html

[Ellisandra]

She needs to be googling this stuff herself!
If I were you I'd make a list of all the great suggestions on here, then use it as back up to discuss with her once she's done her own research.

It'll be great fun and great experience - but it's got bog all to do with motivating herself to study! Unless you're paying for it and only if she passes?

As for the friend... I totally get that she didn't want to say no (even if she offered - same impulse, maybe felt she should, or was being asked) and definitely get that the rest of the group didn't want more people.

[Crumbs1]

Mmmmnnnn it is not usual to end up in hospital through alcohol and I would have concerns about mine going off with someone who add. Perfectly possible to have a zest for life without being irresponsible.
Also of concern is you arranging her gap year activities- if she is old enough and responsible enough to go she should be sorting it out herself.

[ginorwine]

Always that looks fab too
!
Thanks for help all 😄