To ask about who pays etiquette?

[bbeevvyy]

If you get a takeaway or go to a restaurant when visiting friends or ILs, what is the done thing for who pays? The guest or host or split it 50%?
Thanks

[frigrightoff]

You can't say as it depends on so many factors. If I invited someone over for dinner I would definitely provide the food. If it's a takeaway I would expect to pay for that. You can't invite someone over and not buy the food.

But if it's a general, come over and we will get a takeaway theres an expectation there to go halves.

[youarenotkiddingme]

Agree it depends on circumstances.

I live in a first floor flat, my friend a house with fairly sizeable garden. Throughout the year visits which include children meeting up are usually at hers. (She'll come to mine for coffee sometimes).
Therefore she provides dinner and snacks throughout the year at hers. I usually take sweets for kids or something.

Christmas Eve I organise and pay for. Always have done and tell her it's a thank you for all she does and provides. (Financially her circumstances are far better than mine!) she always offers to pay - I always decline.

Your SIL is taking the piss though. If someone offers to order and fimamce a takeaway for me I order what I know I'll eat and like. My win cash is for trying things!

[Crumbs1]

For us it entirely depends on who the guests are and their financial situation. If any of our young adult children, their partners or friends are staying at home we always pay for meals out. My husband would not consider them paying and would feel his ability to provide was being questioned. Yes, yes, he is old fashioned.
If it's my in laws then we pay as they are now quite elderly and living on pensions.
Our own siblings we vary as some are high earners but some are not.
Friends we usually split 50:50 meals out.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Op - I think it was a total consensus - everyone said it depends on the circumstances.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Call your SiL out on it. Say, "Okay, would you like to pay for your extras then?" Big smile.

DH and I are more financially comfortable than the rest of our families. We always willingly pay for take always and restaurant meals. But I can't be doing with people who think they are being clever and try to take advantage (looking at you BiL).

[brasty]

I think it depends on each situation. I have a friend who is disabled and is thus always skint. I love having her to stay, but I know the travel to mine wipes her out financially, so I would pay. Both of us working, I would expect the guest to offer. If it was my parents, they would insist on paying whether they were the hosts or guests.

[TrustySnail]

SIL pees me off by declaring it an opportunity to tries things and orders two mains etc.

Could you get around that by ordering from somewhere that does a 'set meal for 4' or whatever?

[Badhairday1001]

I would always split it or if it's my mum I pay because she does loads for us.

[bbeevvyy]

Ok interesting, so not a total consensus. As hosts who have suggested the takeaway we're happy to / expecting to pay but then SIL pees me off by declaring it an opportunity to tries things and orders two mains etc.

[PberryT]

If you are staying over then guests definitely pay. Rude not to imo.

If you've been invited over specifically for the meal then either split or hosts pay. This depends on lots of things. Eg. Parents would always pay for us and refuse money. Similarly some friends insist they invited us therefore they pay. Otoh if it's a bigger group we tend to split the bill. We always take wine regardless!

[MrsGsnow18]

I would always offer to pay at least half. Parents or in laws would never accept if they had suggested take away. If it was friends I would want to contribute, just like if they were making a meal for me i'd want to help/provide wine/dessert etc.

[SnatchedPencil]

Would usually split it, unless the host absolutely insisted. But it depends on circumstances. If I invited people around for dinner, I wouldn't expect them to pay. If I didn't feel like cooking and ordered a takeaway instead, I wouldn't expect them to pay either.

If it were a more informal visit, friends popped over for example, I would fully expect them to offer to pay their share.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Depends entirely on other info, it just should be fair.

Scenario 1 - they live close, you're only going for the one meal, and you hosted and paid for food at your house the previous time. They pay.

Scenario 2 - you're visiting for a weekend, they've been wonderful hosts and paid for and made several meals for you during your stay. You pay as a thank you.


We have really stingy friends in our group who happily come to ours and eat our food when it's our turn, then on their turn it's takeaway or restauarant as they 'can't/don't cook' and cost us split. Not sure how they think that's fair!

[BackforGood]

As long as all comes out in the wash, as it were, over the year, then it doesn't really matter, but, as a baseline, if i were staying for a weekend / few days with someone, i would insist on paying if we went out for a meal or got a takeawzy.
Sometimes the dynamics of family ( or state of finances) come in to it though - I would pay regardless of where we were for young adults starting out in life, as i have more money than they do (eg, if i go and stay with nieces, nephews, dc, god children etc, or if they come to me).

[GnomeDePlume]

Whichever way

agree it up front before anybody orders anything

This means that everyone can relax. On the whole the people who know they are being hosted may be slightly more modest in their orders. The people hosting can then guide to an extent 'Everyone having starters? Shall I order some wine?'.

[TinselTwins]

If you go out to a restraunt when visiting people, if they've fed you for the last 4/5 nights in their home, as the guest you should offer to pay the full bill as a thank you for all the other meals IMO

[TinselTwins]

Host pays, I've occassionally got a take away when we've had guests (for several nights, other nights have cooked for them) and I see it as my job to feed them if they're in my house.

However, if i was a local friend and they were coming over "for takeaway" or a "lets get a take away" spontanious thing, i'ld expect it to be split

[HardcoreLadyType]

I have never had a takeaway at someone else's house, since I was young enough for it to be that everyone paid their own share. (So, like a group of students.)

If I were staying at someone's house, and we went out, I would expect to pay, as a thank you for hosting.

[SheldonCRules]

Host pays unless the guests suggested it as their treat.

[rookiemere]

It depends.

If I have invited people over for a meal then I pay as if there wasn't a takeaway, then I wouldn't be asking people to chip in for the cost of the groceries and heating the oven.

If I was a visitor and was staying for more than one night, then I would offer to either take them out for a meal or pay for a takeaway.

[Pinkheart5915]

Take away, the host pays

Restaurant, me & DH go out regularly with friends and take it in turn to pay for the whole meal. If it's a one off normally whatever the final bill is we offer to split

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Usually the guests offer to pay towards the meal, the hosts say they couldn't accept that, the guests say oh but we insist, the hosts refuse to take the money, the guests try to shove a tenner to the host, the host gives it back and then you sit in awkward silence until the takeaway arrives.

It's the British way.

[Wookiecookies]

Ok, think I have misread the OP. You should offer to pay if you are visiting someone, but if the hosts are happy to pay then that is fine.

[SparkleShinyGlitter]

Take away the host pays. Me & DH pay when friends/family come to ours and they pay at there home

Restaurant meal, what ever the bill is we each put a card down and pay 1/2 no silly business about x had a starter and I didn't

[haveacupoftea]

Both parties should offer, and the guest should pay as a thank you in most circumstances.