Ignored by in-laws

[LittleMermaidRose]

Long story short - my in laws clearly favour my sil & hubby over me & my dh (even more now that they have a child but it has always been the case). A couple examples being - they're always invited over for dinner/days out but not us, their house is filled with photos of them but only one of us.. they just seem to be their pride & joy whereas we are an afterthought.

On Christmas eve dh & I invited his family round for a Christmas dinner, as we wouldn't be seeing them on Christmas day. We went to a lot of effort to make it special for everyone & saved up for months beforehand as money is extremely tight for us right now. Everyone seemed to have a great time.

Today we were all invited to sil's for lunch.

When we got home I noticed that mil had posted a huge thank you post on Facebook about how lovely the lunch was, sil's cooking was incredible, & thank you for the wonderful day.. but she never said thank you to us, either in person or on Facebook!

I hope this doesn't seem petty but it happens all too often. Sil & bil are always thanked & praised publicly for everything they do while we seem to be ignored. It annoys me more than it hurts me, but I can't imagine how it makes my dh feel!! He says it doesn't bother him but it would certainly bother me if my mother was playing favourites with me & my siblings!

Should I address her rudeness or am I being over sensitive?

[pklme]

Stop trying to please and impress them, it will never happen. Just enjoy what relationship they can offer, and ignore the rest.

[wizzywig]

So much good advice here.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Is it her daughter, OP? I wonder if that's the reason. Mothers and daughters can be closer when grandchildren arrive. It's not very sensitive or kind behaviour on your MIL's behalf though if so.

You say that your husband isn't bothered. If he's not on FB or other social media much perhaps this is why there aren't the accolades on there? Perhaps public acknowledgement is very important to your SIL/BIL hence why she did this? Some people really like FB, others don't. I wouldn't like it, would rather have thanks in person.

Did she thank you and your husband in person for the nice dinner and time with you when she was with you? If so, I would just put it down to her relationship being that way with SIL and BIL and that hers with you and your husband are just different.

[LittleMermaidRose]

Yes, it is her daughter. I can completely understand them being close but what I don't get is why she doesn't make more of an effort with her son (my DH).

She adores SIL's hubby, but doesn't seem to have taken a fancy to me - I don't know what I've done wrong.

It seems like they're more important to her because they've given her a grandchild, whereas we haven't had children yet.

I do often wonder if she'll warm up to us more when we do have kids, but I doubt it.

[pklme]

My DPs always tell me what a wonderful time they had staying with my DB or seeing my DNs in their concert... I used to feel very second class until I realised that when she is there, she bigs me up to them as well. Basically, the other DC is always better than you.

Best to choose not to think about it- that way madness lies...

[HighDataUsage]

Step back, slowly distance yourself and smile sweetly when they question why nobody visits them in their care home 20 years later....

My sil does this to my dc, she ignores them but involves herself with my bil's kids which is sad but her choice. However, when she starts to demand visits in her care home later on they are well within their rights not to as she is essentially a stranger to them. They see her once a year at bil's house, she doesn't call them or send birthday wishes so there isn't really a relationship there. Again her choice as I'm not flavour of the month which is fine by me.

Step away and thank y out r lucky stars that you don't have an interfering mil.

[MistressMaisie]

I do often wonder if she'll warm up to us more when we do have kids, but I doubt it

I think life will be much easier if she doesn't!!
Get on with your own life.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Since it's her dd you may find her dd makes more fuss about her all year, visits and calls more often. Your dh may be like a lot of ds who pop in now and then and call irregularly. Posting stuff on Facebook is such a trouble maker as you can't win really. If l were you l would take lead from your dh, have a laugh about it and move on. don't waste energy taking it personally. I presume you have your own family so look to them.

[Looneytune253]

It's possibly 'just' because mums tend to be closer to their daughters than their sons? Doesn't make it right but could be a reason why.

[TheDayIBroke]

My MIL is the same - her daughters can do no wrong, their spouses are the bees knees, their children were welcomed with hugs and kisses. My DH, for reasons unknown to us both, is treated like your DH, our children treated like irritating midges. She just couldn't be bothered with us. My children picked up on this, and it hurt them, which hurt us.

We are NC with the lot of them. In due time, she will need her offspring to care for her, but she'll get nowt from us.

[Italiangreyhound]

I've not read all the comments but I have read some and I have seen your other threads started at the same time.

Re her not giving you the full thank you on Facebook, I don't think you will ever solve that one, until she respects you.

So stick to things where it is clear you are being wronged.

Plus you say you had saved up to give them a nice meal and saved up months beforehand. Please do not ever do this again. Save your money for you. Really, you will not impress her with nice food or nice gifts.

If she were a normal person she would appreciate you for you.

IMVHO the only way you will get any sort of grudging appreciation out of her is once you have earned her respect by standing up to her in a suitably polite, assertive and appropriate way. BUT I don't know her so I cannot guarantee anything!