To think Christmas is one of the loneliest times of the year

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

One of my MILs neighbours is a nail client of mine. She is an older lady, and one the sweetest, softly spoken people I've ever met.

During her nail session today I was chatting away, and asked her what her Christmas plans are. I was a bit wary of asking, as she's mentioned before that her two daughters don't visit much, and she spoke with quite a bit of sadness in her voice when talking about them. She then told me that she was on her own for Christmas as they won't be visiting.

I simply said 'oh that's a shame' but inside wanted to call the daughters a few harsh names. She also has one granddaughter, who she won't be seeing either.

Now I appreciate I don't know the dynamics of this family, but it disgusts me to think this woman will be sat on her own Christmas Day. After speaking to MIL, she's had a chat with one of the other 'lonely neighbours' and they're going to spend the day together, which is something at least.

This lovely lady tipped me an extra tenner AND bought me a Christmas present. So sad that no one can be 'bothered' with her at Christmas

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

God that's awful king 😔

Yes I completely agree people have the right to spend the day alone if they prefer. Christmas is just another day to some people. But I could tell she was sad about being alone. She mentioned how she'd bought her granddaughter some presents and didn't know when she'd give them to her. She doesn't drive so I imagine it's difficult for her to make long journeys perhaps

For those who are quite elderly I imagine they often feel lonely? Or am I just making assumptions?

[m0therofdragons]

Alcochocs that's exactly what my granny said and she is also 90!

[CrapWreathKeith]

I meet many lonely people through my job, and I know that 6 or 7 of the people I support are alone this Christmas, through no fault of their own. Two are in their nineties with nobody left in the world, a couple have children abroad, and a couple of them haven't enough mobility to get out of their homes or to the toilet in someone elses home. It is all very sad.

[AlcoChocs]

People should be allowed to be alone at Christmas if they want to be.
My 90 year old grandmother much prefers to be at home alone doing what she wants in peace but family members insist on her joining in with their festivities because "You can't spend Christmas Day alone" as if it's the law. She ends up going to avoid hurt feelings.
She told me last week that she really doesn't want to spend hours with young children running around shrieking and people drinking too much!
I've had to be quite firm with everyone and told them not to put pressure on her any more. It didn't go down well .

[PlaymobilPirate]

I've spent most of the morning in tears as my brother has taken back his invitation to my mum and dad (he's decided that they need Xmas on their own - him, his dw and their 25 year old dc)

It's our turn to go to dp's parents. Mum and dad can't come with us (no room, not invited etc) which means they'll be on their own. I know they have each other but we've lost 2 elderly relatives this year who usually go to them so it's extra sad.

I'm gutted for them and know I won't enjoy Xmas thinking of them sitting alone.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

A couple of days ago a 77 year old killed herself on the train tracks near my town.

Dreading a lonely Christmas???

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Christmas is hard for a lot of people for all sorts of reasons.

Samaritans are running an Xmas campaign
www.samaritans.org/support-us/real-christmas

If you are alone at Christmas and finding it hard you can always call them on 116 123 (free in UK)

[MissKG]

For all you know she's one of 'go NC' parents usually advised on here.

[Redsrule]

I agree but people should not think that the fact you are alone is because you are some evil person who deserves it! Which seems to be the MN impression.

[CaraAspen]

And yes, it must be annoying when people make assumptions. In any case, the "festive" season can be anything but for many people. Domestic violence, for instance, is apparently higher at such times.

[CaraAspen]

Not everyone wants to be with other people at Christmas, though. This enforced bonhomie aspect is tiresome. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest to be on my own. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

[eyebrowsonfleek]

I'll be alone as my kids will be with their dad. He only sees them 24 hours per fortnight usually so I'm not lonely really but it does grate.

[Redsrule]

I will be alone this Christmas and I don't deserve it! One DC is in New Zealand and the other two are both junior doctors and working. I will have a lovely quiet day and have saved 'The Essex Serpent' to read. Being widowed young I feel it is important that you never make your children feel responsible for your happiness. But I certainly don't deserve people to judge me because I am alone!!! Sometimes it is just circumstances not that I am some dreadful parent! However it is just one day and an opportunity to be lazy.

[Indrid]

My mother will be alone at Xmas. She bloody deserves to be, very abusive and neglectful. But she can pull the wool over a strangers eyes any day.

[Weedsnseeds1]

Ahhh, in that case we aren't sisterskarigan we just have remarkably similar mother's.

[Luttrell]

Tricky one, definitely two sides to every story. For example, my mum won't 'let' us have our own Christmas in our own home - I've been married 15 years! Every year since I moved out she's asked me nicely to come home for Christmas, and I did, but when I started to suggest hosting dinner, she refused to come, and had a massive tantrum at the idea that my husband and children might like to do Christmas in our own home. Obviously the idea is to invite my parents to my house, but she won't have Christmas away from her home - and yet yells at me for trying to have one in mine. In the end, we go to hers each year for an easy life.

HOWEVER. What she TELLS people is that she hosts every year and her 'horrible' children never invite her and never offer to host. She claims to 'hate' being a 'slave' every year and 'wishes' I would host Christmas.

Finally she slipped up at ranted those words at me and I pointed out the facts - that I offer to host every bloody year, that she always refuses, and that next year she'd get her bloody wish and we wouldn't come. She backed down, apologised, begged us to come... all the rest of it.

I know she's still telling anyone else who'll listen that I'm a horrible selfish daughter who is too lazy to host, and that she'll be slaving away alone again (she won't let anyone in the kitchen to help and yells at us to get out if we try) and how sad it all is she is treated this way. In reality, if I so much as suggest that my children have Christmas dinner in their own home, she goes ballistic.

Don't worry, we're changing it up next year, fallout be damned. I'm not afraid of her any more.

[karigan]

Could be weeds, do you live on the South coast?

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

You're very right frog

[Weedsnseeds1]

karigan , are we sisters?

[FrogFairy]

Yes it is sad to be alone for Christmas Day, but for many the other 364 days of the year are just as lonely.

[RubyRoseViolet]

I feel exactly the same cherry.

[cherrycrumblecustard]

If I live to be old I really hope my children don't feel they have to have me on Christmas Day if doing so would cause huge inconvenience.

[LunaLoveg00d]

Yes it would be much easier for people to manage if it were ONE DAY (or possibly extended to two, with Boxing Day) rather than being something which is built up for months and marketed as this #amazing #wonderful "family time" where everyone has to be fun and jolly with their nearest and dearest.

Families come in all different shapes and sizes and all have different dynamics.

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

Cherry I only asked her as she'd been asking me what my plans were, what I'd bought DS etc so I thought it was only polite. Like I said I was a bit wary of asking in case it upset her

[Rachel0Greep]

Yes, it can be a lonely time, for many reasons.

As a slight aside - I think the portrayal of Christmas on tv (not the soaps where it's usually miserable ), but on movies etc makes some people feel that unless their Christmas is all joy and laughter and beautifully wrapped presents, it's a failure.

There are many reasons why someone might end up alone on Christmas Day. There are some people who would quite happily spend Christmas Day alone.
I worked with a guy who did. He had numerous invitations from family, but was quite happy to be alone for the day.

It's often said here on MN, when someone had described appalling behaviour by a family member or whoever ' oh but you can't leave them alone, it's Christmas'. As if that solves everything.

Anyway, as you have said OP, you did what you could to help, and you aren't judging, which is important. Who knows what circumstances may have led to this, and how her family may feel.