To give my friend a cheaper present?

[Jugglingallthebollocks]

I fully aware I am being unreasonable and ready for a flaming.... my DCs godmother buys my children a lovely present every year, generally spends about £20-25. I reciprocate and buy her a nice present (she has no DCs), I put a lot of though into it and generally spend about £60. This is far more than I spend on anyone else, would never spend this amount on myself but I appreciate her buying for my kids as they don't get much from anyone else. This year she let them open their presents early and it was a selection box each. I've already wrapped her beautiful £60 jo Malone candle (that I'm coveting and would never get given myself).
Background, I was late with her birthday present as we were on holiday, she took the hump (birthdays are very big things for her) and told me to keep the present for my own birthday from her, which I gladly did .
So AIBU to keep the candle for myself and give her a smaller gift?

[Christmassnake]

Get to see you open gifts from Santa..I mean

[OzzieFem]

Personally I hate candles as gifts and to spend 60 pounds on one! She may have been annoyed at you missing her birthday but not realize the value of the gift. 60 pounds! Does she even like candles?

[NickyEds]

Keep the candle. Buy her a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates. She's behaving like a child.

[Didiusfalco]

I would do what a pp said and gift her some fizz. That is generous compared to a selection box, and doesn't look like you're trying to make a point/penalising her for small gift to dc. Also doesn't leave you feeling resentful about your very generous gift. Give yourself the lovely candle on Xmas day!

[HaveNoSocks]

Fuck it, keep the candle for yourself. Sulking is lame. Sounds like you won't get a nice big gift off anyone this xmas so why shouldn't you give one to yourself.

[Notcontent]

Your friend sounds very childlish to have a strop about her present being late.

And she is obviously trying to make some sort of point with the gifts she got for your kids.

[Jugglingallthebollocks]

Thankyou for the replies, I was expecting a flaming. In answer to some of the questions, she is an old friend I was previously very close too but we seem to have drifted a bit. We buy for each other on birthdays but at Christmas she buys just for my kids and I buy a present for her from all of us. This year yes she essentially rebuffed my present back to me because I was late (I had bought it but just couldn't get it to her in a timely fashion).
I wonder if she's just sending the message she wants to scale back or she's miffed about the birthday, or both.
I'm going to take the suggestion of giving the kids a tenner each to spend on me and wrap up and I'm going to give her a nice but cheaper present for Xmas and gift myself the candle. Thanks all for the helpful replies!

[Jugglingallthebollocks]

Rebuffed? Regifted that's meant to say.
Oh and she gets amazing presents on her birthday, think spa days, expensive beauty products, jewellery etc. As I said birthdays are a big deal for her which is fine but not so much for me.

[CatsAndCocktails]

Keep the candle or get a refund and get her something smaller, and continue with the smaller gift from now onwards even if she starts to spend more on your children again.

[CocktailQueen]

Keep the candle and give her a bottle of prosecco. Or a White Company candle for £20 (which I think is pretty luxurious!!).

But £60 for a Jo Malone candle?? No, OP, YOU deserve that candle. She's being a sulky twat.

[diddl]

Does she buy you a Christmas present?

I wouldn't feel that I had to buy for her just because she bought for my kids, & certainly not to the tune of £60.

£60 for a candle seems too much to me & I'd be returning it to spend the money on something else for myself.

But if you like it, keep it.

[BillyShingles]

Sounds like a plan OP. I like the idea of your kids buying you something - it's a form of self respect, and it is good for them to see that.

[DJBaggySmalls]

The point of being a godmother is not to get an expensive birthday present each year. I don't think you're the one being petty, and she's taking it out on your kids.

[NuffSaidSam]

Are you 100% sure that this is a petty response to your forgetting her birthday?

She hasn't slipped money/tickets in the selection box? She's not going to turn up with another load of gifts nearer to Christmas? She hasn't fallen on hard times?

I think it's a bit odd that your first thought is that she must be being massively petty. It wouldn't be my first thought about any of my friends!

[Squiff85]

YANBU keep the candle!

[NuffSaidSam]

If she is having financial problems that could also explain the birthday gift situation.

[Princesspond]

Keep the candle yourself, and enjoy all that beautiful Jo Malone packaging under the tree.

[diddl]

Do you tend to buy stuff for her that you would like?

I love candles but still wouldn't want anyone to spend £60 on one for me, as I definitely wouldn't spend that amout myself.

[mummydawn07]

i know how you feel, keep the candle as a nice present for yourself or refund it and get something else for yourself, and get her something else, sounds like she's got a stick up her ass

[Mrsmadevans]

Right I think the fact she let them open their presents from her early was to let you see how much she had spent on them. Therefore she was giving you a heads up imho of how much she has spent . She may have wanted you to see what she got bc she might have been buying these expensive gifts bc you always buy her really expensive gifts sort of a vicious circle iyswim. Any way keep the candle op you so deserve it and buy her a yankee candle set nice ones just not 60 quids worth

[Olympiathequeen]

Keep the candle and buy her a box of chocolates.

Of course your kids won't get wonderful presents again but at least you are spared the expense of buying for her.

[Serialweightwatcher]

I'd take this opportunity to buy her something cheaper and stick to that in future - it's nice she usually buys your children decent christmas presents but that doesn't mean you should spend more on her than she does on them - you'd be better spending £10 on her and use the other £50 for your children ...... and £60 for a candle is obscene ....... if someone spent that on a candle for me I'd think they had more money than sense - it's a candle!

[toldmywraath]

Definitely keep the candle for yourself & get your friend a bottle of bubbly or lower value gift.

It is a shame that you get nothing but when my DC were little they used to have a stall run at school where they could choose a gift for me & have it wrapped. I tell you what, they were the presents I most looked forward to opening. (I gave them a couple of quid each to buy the gifts for me)

[ssd]

keep the candle for yourself, it sounds like you'll absolutely love it

buy your friend a bottle of something for about £15 and remember this for the future

[ALittleMop]

You say she has no DC but does she have other people in her life?

To me it sounds like this is all about her birthday present, and she was unfathomably hurt by it OR she is skint and wants it to stop.

FWIW I would give her the ridiculously extravagant present but resolve to have proper conversation about it - to avoid second guessing her motives - with her well out of range of anyone's birthdays.