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AIBU?

Teachers bullying my child

47 replies

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 05/12/2016 17:15

To think my son deserves better? Basically my son goes to a primary school in Scotland (he's P7, started at this school in P4 and he's aged 11) that we have had constant problems with. There are a few children that swear (the F word and C bomb are quite popular). We didn't know the area at all as we moved here from Hampshire for my husbands work. There are no reviews online and I didn't know anyone to ask for personal recommendations. I did view it and thought it was the best id seen, the teachers were lovely, the walls bright etc etc. For various reasons I've massively gone off the school (they don't deal with bullying at all) and just waiting for him to leave for High school in August. Today however he was called stupid by a supply teacher. Apparently she was screaming and yelling at him and generally losing her cool. (He wrote a D backwards) At morning break DS was in such a state he found the deputy head and told him what happened for him to March him back to the class room (break ends, class returns) and tell DS off for complaining about another teacher, while all the time asking the supply teacher to stop shouting 'shut up' and generally yelling at the class. Then the headmistress came in and all three were telling my DS off and raising their voices at him in front of the whole class. He was hysterical when I collected him. I phoned the school and the head said it never happened! My DS still said it did and then the head told me she not longer wanted any communication with me at all and refused a meeting to deal with it. I've since spoken to my friends wee lad and his story is similar to my DS (and they haven't conferred as wee lad left for dentist after it happened)

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Cherrysoup · 05/12/2016 17:17

Can you move him or home educate? It sounds, if your ds is being truthful, bloody adult. Why is the head refusing a meeting? Have there been lots of issues? Is the local education authority any good?

Coffeeisnecessary · 05/12/2016 17:17

This is awful- if you have no reason to doubt your sons version of what happened I'd remove him from the school and inform the governors why. How horrible for him.

BratFarrarsPony · 05/12/2016 17:21

Honestly I agree with what the others have said. Just remove him. As long as you have no doubt that he is telling the truth. Complain to the governers about the way he and you have been treated.
Shortly someone will come along and say that teachers are never wrong. but I would support your son in this.

Oakmaiden · 05/12/2016 17:23

It does sound quite unlikely...

That a teacher would call him stupid and yell at him for writing a D backwards...

Does your son regularly complain about teachers? To the Deputy Head as well as to you?

StStrattersOfMN · 05/12/2016 17:31

I'd remove him, we had a similar scenario with DD2, school seemed fantastic when we looked round, loads of work and art on show, teachers seemed very pleasant, they understood that DD had health issues and would be off school more than normal, but would be able to keep up (seriously bright kid).

All changed once she was there, headteacher was vile and harassing over her appointments and time off (really bad asthma), to the point where she reported us to Educational Welfare, and we had to get our GP involved. EW gave the HT a bollocking, she was furious she'd had to get involved, and GP wrote a really snotty letter (still have copy£ :(

At the Leavers Assembly, DD was the ONLY child to not receive a certificate for something, even though she'd won a poetry competition and the school had received lots of goodies, and she'd got 100% in her SATS 2 years running.

So yes, there can be a culture of bullying from staff, and what a school appearance to look like can be very misleading.

BratFarrarsPony · 05/12/2016 17:34

Absolutely there can be a bullying culture in a school, I know because my children attended such a school. It was horrible.

wilddaisyonthehill · 05/12/2016 17:37

Gosh, how awful. I'm not sure about the Scottish school system but in England I'd be taking it further.

Dahlietta · 05/12/2016 17:38

I'm afraid to say a teacher calling a pupil stupid wouldn't be the worst thing I've heard. We had a supply teacher call a child retarded once, and another who told some children they were going to hell because they didn't believe in God.

SpeakNoWords · 05/12/2016 17:39

Someone is not telling the whole truth about what went on. As you believe your DS then really think you need to take him out of the school as I don't see how the relationship with the teachers can improve from here. Several adults are conspiring to bully your child, that points to a toxic environment. Remove your DS and report it to as many authorities as possible.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 17:43

Did the Head say why she would defend a supply teacher over your DS? Did she say what she thought did happen? Is there any history here of complaints about teachers? Lots of missing information that might make more sense of this very odd situation.

Knittinglikemad · 05/12/2016 17:45

Fourkidsnotcrazyyet I was Chairperson on school boards of Scottish Primary & Secondary schools for over 15yrs & what your son has received is not acceptable. Because you have had no joy from the school your next port of call is the Education department at your local council for the matter to be fully investigated for you. If I can be of any help please contact me as this kind of behaviour does happen in schools & unfortunately they do try to blame it on kids but it is not acceptable.

lozzylizzy · 05/12/2016 17:48

My son came home and said that his teacher told a child in their class that he couldn't have a speaking part because she didn't trust him to do it right, without giving him a chance! My son didn't have any reason to make that up as he wasn't involved. These kids are 8-9 years old!

I'm not surprised by your story op!

lozzylizzy · 05/12/2016 17:49

In the nativity i mean

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 05/12/2016 18:07

We have been reluctant to move him as my husband is ex-forces and the children have moved a lot. This was his third school aged 7) We thought getting out of the army and settling down would be the end of the poor children getting moved but I don't feel I have an option now. I will contact the education dept tomorrow thank you. There's been ongoing 'niggles' but today was just awful. The head teacher was almost laughing/scoffing at me. She was derogatory to myself and about my son. He's not renown for being naughty. He has told lies in the past to me over minor things but you can tell. I was very cross almost with him initially, threatening to remove his PS4 etc if he was telling fibs etc so I could be as sure as possible he was being truthful. Communication broke down with her when I said to DS 'Did Mrs X tell you if you're not happy, move to a new school then'. He confirmed she did and she just said 'I don't want to speak or communicate with you anymore, don't come to the school as I'm not prepared to meet with you. I can't argue with a liar'.

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Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 18:10

What does she think you are lying about?

It is very, very odd that a supply teacher would scream at a child and call him stupid because he wrote a letter backwards. Unless she has mental health problems (possible but unlikely) there must be more to the story than this.

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 05/12/2016 18:11

Trifleorbust. No, no past history of complaints about teachers. I have contacted the school twice in the last year in reference to a group of children bullying my son and I was reassured it would be sorted. I don't think it was particularly but it eased up somewhat so I didn't complain again or chase it up. I'm not one for thinking my children are perfect angels. More guilty of thinking they may be at fault and trusting the school. This is completely as. Izard and out of the blue as it sounds.

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FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 05/12/2016 18:12

Bizarre not Izard!

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sonlypuppyfat · 05/12/2016 18:12

I believe your son, I've come across more than one evil sarcastic bastard of a teacher

SharpLily · 05/12/2016 18:14

It would be interesting to know the head's reaction when you point out that your son's story has been confirmed by other children.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 18:16

Fair enough. Is that the whole entire story then? Teacher screams at child and calls him stupid for writing a letter backwards. Child goes to senior teacher upset (crying upset?) and is returned to class after being told off for complaining about being screamed at for writing a letter backwards. Nothing new happens but Headteacher comes in to shout at child as well anyway. Headteacher denies any of it ever happened and refuses to meet either parent. Headteacher calls parent a liar.

Can you see why I am struggling with this?

It might be 100% true but if it is, the whole lot of them sound certifable.

Oakmaiden · 05/12/2016 18:21

I am just confused by when you say "tell ds off for complaining about another teacher" - it makes it sound like he complains a lot. Maybe I am reading it wrong.

It just doesn't all hang together for me - I am not for a moment suggesting you are lying, but I am wondering if you have been told part truths, with small bits removed to make your son look like a completely innocent party, as opposed to possibly having not behaved too well himself.

However, I would get in touch with the governors in the first instance with your son's version of what happened/was said (and possibly the other child's version too) and ask for clarification.

EweAreHere · 05/12/2016 18:23

Please formally complain.

And I can absolutely believe such a thing has happened. I have dealt with a bullying primary school teacher, and it is amazing how quickly ranks can be closed. Disgusting, really. The second child witness in your caes is a bonus, especially as there's nothing in it for him and he hasn't talked to your child. Make sure you mention it when you complain to the Educational Authority.

lellio · 05/12/2016 18:25

I think there's something missing here. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Has something gone on between ds and the staff and not got back to you?

GrumpyMcGrumpFace · 05/12/2016 18:44

I wonder was this a supply not coping, yelling at a class who aren't taking any notice. Your son goes to deputy head, he goes back to the class to find supply not coping - so tells her to stop yelling (!) and also tries to back the supply up by telling off your DS? Head comes in to this chaotic scene, finds supply and deputy head with your DS so thinks it's all his fault, and joins in the yellfest.... Feels in the wrong because it is also her responsibility, takes it out on you...

Which is all pretty rotten for your DS and you :-( Obviously I am totally painting a whole picture here without knowing the details at all, but your post suggests a school with a behaviour problem (the mentioning of the swearing and the bullying - is that why you did?) that badly needs addressing. If behaviour isn't sorted, pretty much everything else goes down the pan IME. I agree with other PPs - I totally take your point about having moved a lot, but this kind of thing - if it happens more than once - is a lot more harmful to your DS's experience and opinion of school than another move would be.

QwertyKeyboard · 05/12/2016 18:55

If you beleive your son (and I would after what happened to mine!) then I would remove him and home ed until secondary. Glad you are calling the education dept.

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