Do you judge? Toddler tantrums

[Zaratall]

Oh my goodness I was that mum yesterday.

I've got two dc. My first was pretty much an angel, the second, not so much.

I can remember taking ds1 to swimming lessons and there was a woman with a baby that would high pitched scream the whole time and end up being fed crisps. I felt for the mum but secretly thought there must be something she could do. Having had a clam quiet child myself.

Now karma has come back to bite and I'm that mum.

My 17 month old spent yesterday's swimming lesson high pitched screaming. I took him out of the pushchair but he wanted to go in the water. Sat on the floor screaming when I wouldn't let him drown.

Screamed when I tried to put him back in. Wouldn't sit still on my lap. Books and toys are a waste of time, he chucks them on the floor. A lifeguard came over and gave me some water toys for him, but he decided he wanted to play the 'throw it across the floor and scream for mummy to pick it up' game. I wasn't playing so he screamed. Held him and walked around but he wants to pull my glasses off.

In the end I left and pushed him around the foyer and he didn't calm down.

I was so embarrassed I must have looked like such a crap parent.

[ValaMalDoran]

If I could see you were trying I wouldn't at all even if that trying was walking away from a toddler on the floor in say a shop then peering back round to check they follow. If I see a lone tantrumming toddler I usually walk to the end of the aisle and come face to face with a frustrated parent.

If I saw you ignore them totally for a lengthy period of time e.g. If In your circumstance you had just totally ignored the child, expected them to amuse themselves in a boring place and make no effort to interact, engage or soothe then maybe.

Mostly I just think thank goodness it's not my turn today!

[MrBloomIsActuallyAttractive]

My DD is the master of tantrums and no amount of talking to, telling off, bribing(I know you shouldn't but needs must sometimes!) punishing by removing toys etc. I just quite often have to remove from the situation if possible. I definitely would not judge!

[RedStripeLassie]

No judgement here! I've had plenty though but dds tantrums really frustrate me and occasionally I've shouted at her which I feel bad about. It's been when she puts herself in danger like refusing to get out of the road mid tantrum and I've lost it.

[Trifleorbust]

I don't judge them for their toddler having a tantrum, or for ignoring the tantrum. I might judge depending on what triggers the tantrum in an older child.

[Msqueen33]

Nope. I slightly judge some of the parents who do nothing...my friend allows her five year old to run riot. I've got two DC with autism and have been the parent with the screamer, the lay on the floor child etc. Raising toddlers is hard. When my eldest went swimming I had to take my middle DC who had autism up the stairs in a buggy as at two she would run off, scream etc. I was heavily pregnant and use to feed DC crisps and all sorts to get through the swimming lesson before going back to the car to sob. Thankfully other two are at school now and so it's only youngest DC with autism to contend with.

[JustMarriedBecca]

I USED to judge.

It's like those Mum's who sit in Antenatal waiting room for appointments looking at you bribe child with iPad and snacks for 3 hours and you know they're thinking 'my child will only have organic food and wooden toys'

Your time will come. Your time will come.

[thenewaveragebear1983]

I don't judge. I look at my 4 year old and 1 year old and think- thank god it's not me and, simultaneously, it will be me again soon. I always want to give the friendly smile and say 'we've all been there' but I know if I do (if they feel anything like I used to) I might get punched in the face. But we really have all been there, and it really does pass.

[corythatwas]

I would only judge if you a) did nothing and let everybody else deal with it or b) screamed like a fishwife at him and/or slapped him. Your response sounds perfect and I would admire you for it.

[bumsexatthebingo]

If I'm honest I would have inwardly been wondering why you don't get your older child lessons somewhere with a baby pool you could take the little one in. Few toddlers are going to be happy at the side of a pool watching other kids splashing. I would never have took my youngest poolside at that age but luckily our pool had a creche facility.

[SomewhatIdiosyncratic]

I had a champion trantrumer with DS1, and the peak in public tantrums was in the era when I was heavily pregnant and on crutches with SPD. Unfortunately due to his various food allergies food shopping had to be done across 4 different supermarkets, and supermarkets were one of his tantrum hotspots.

I will remain forever grateful to the delightful older couple who kindly (after asking permission) picked him up and took him onto a ride on to distract him, and even insisted on putting a coin in to make it work. After 5 minutes of him screaming and flailing, their help meant that he finally calmed down enough to safely walk. At that point I was 38 weeks pregnant and simply couldn't bend down to him anymore.

Normally the best approach for him was tactical ignoring. If early attempts at distraction failed then further attempts to engage with him tended to aggravate and overstimulate him. I would remove him from a situation like a restaurant where it would be inconvenient to others.

At 5, if he's overtired/ overhungry he will still have one occasionally. It's not long since I had to sit on a pavement and wait for him to calm down enough to walk to me. We'll then have hugs.

So yes, I'll normally smile sympathetically. Only very rarely when a parent is swearing/ranting, completely inconsiderate of their surroundings etc would I judge the parental reaction (recalls many years ago, the toddler nagging about sweets in the shop, the mother half heartedly saying no, then suddenly whacking the child making it cry, then buying the sweets to stop it crying- the DS1 experience still hasn't altered my opinion on that one!)

[statetrooperstacey]

No! I'm quite a judgy bitch but never ever for this. As pp have said I usually make eye contact and give them a conspiratorial smile, occasionally a word of encouragement" don't let the bastards grind u down " type thing.

An old lady once bent down to my daughter screeching in a shopping trolley and really sternly and poshly bollocked her . Then she nodded and winked at me and went on her way! It was very affective, and I was very grateful. Not sure others would have been tho

[Slightlyperturbedowlagain]

No judging here. My 2 were similar to yours, DC1 tried a couple of mini tantrums and once dealt with never did it again.DC2 was the total opposite, honestly would tantrum beyond all sense of reason, and all you could do was wait til it had stopped and then carry on. Obviously in a noise-sensitive area you try and carry them outside, but it's not always possible- mine could make himself rigid or thrash about so much that you would likely drop him. He went through a phase of doing it in the supermarket regularly, at the time we had no on-line option in our area, and DH was working away regularly so i had to just grit my teeth and go anyway. One memorable time he was on reigns, started a tantrum and picked his feet up and tried to launch himself like a wrecking ball at the nearest shelves. Luckily i managed to stop him colliding with them and lowered him onto the floor.
Funny enough he's 7 now, well past the tantrum phase and the other day we saw a toddler having a tantrum when we were out and he just stood there with a look of total shock on his face that anyone would do that!
As my dad says, when they are teenagers we get the chance to embarrass them back

[kilmuir]

No, having had 4 children I would probably not even notice!
And if I did I would fully understand.

[Tangoandcreditcards]

No judgement from me, did you try crisps though?

[Gottagetmoving]

I don't judge a toddler having a tantrum or judge a parent because the child is having one.
I have to admit I may judge a bit when I see a parent giving in by giving the child whatever it is they were screaming for or pleading with the child instead of taking control.
I would rather hear a child having the meltdown than see the parent teaching the child that tantrums work.

[SpookyPotato]

I wouldn't judge at all! I either give a sympathetic "I know what you're going through" smile or I don't look at all. I know the crippling embarrassment and pressure when it happens to me! The only times I judge are when I hear a parent swearing at their child or shouting "Shutup!" aggressively etc... which is quite often.

[KC225]

Yes pre children

NEVER since having twins

[Colby43443]

I do judge a little, can't help it. If I saw you that day I'd probably wonder why on earth you took a kid to a pool then didn't let them swim, but it would be a fleeting thing.

[DrDreReturns]

No I don't judge. I've been in your shoes many a time.

[ClaudiaApfelstrudel]

I saw a tantrumming child today while I was in the centre of town... the DP was at her wits end but I looked into the childs eyes and he seemed vacant and not really aware of why he was tantrumming at all..some sort of rage fit I don't really know.

[KingJoffreysRestingCuntface]

I judged once.

Woman had a child having a tantrum in the middle of the road, holding up cars and she was ineffectually begging him to get up. I thought she was a dick and what she was doing was bloody dangerous.

She could've picked him up and finished whatever the heck was going on on the pavement. She's lucky it was a slow/quiet road.

Otherwise I never judge. I wince, as sharp noises hurt my ears and children screaming is pain. But I don't judge.

Children are weird. I know that.

[Ilovenannyplum]

I don't bat an eyelid since having DS, all kids have their moments especially mine

[ditzychick34]

Reading these replies has made my heart ache a little bit, so much support out there 😊

[PeachBellini123]

Not had a child yet (pregnant) but I feel sorry for the parent. A guy on the bus had a child that would not stop screaming no matter what he did. Yes it was a horrible sound but he was getting lots of sympathetic looks.

She finally calmed down when a quick thinking lady took off her bracelet and usesd it to distract her!