Do you judge? Toddler tantrums

[Zaratall]

Oh my goodness I was that mum yesterday.

I've got two dc. My first was pretty much an angel, the second, not so much.

I can remember taking ds1 to swimming lessons and there was a woman with a baby that would high pitched scream the whole time and end up being fed crisps. I felt for the mum but secretly thought there must be something she could do. Having had a clam quiet child myself.

Now karma has come back to bite and I'm that mum.

My 17 month old spent yesterday's swimming lesson high pitched screaming. I took him out of the pushchair but he wanted to go in the water. Sat on the floor screaming when I wouldn't let him drown.

Screamed when I tried to put him back in. Wouldn't sit still on my lap. Books and toys are a waste of time, he chucks them on the floor. A lifeguard came over and gave me some water toys for him, but he decided he wanted to play the 'throw it across the floor and scream for mummy to pick it up' game. I wasn't playing so he screamed. Held him and walked around but he wants to pull my glasses off.

In the end I left and pushed him around the foyer and he didn't calm down.

I was so embarrassed I must have looked like such a crap parent.

[Hellochicken]

No, my first 2 no problems. Never any stand out embarrassing moments.

DC3 (aged 2) spinning on floor in busy aisle of Asda, he was in a rage that I held onto the trolley handle. People having to divert trolleys etc I was heavily pregnant but in the end I had to lift him (thrashing) into the main part of the trolley and wheel him out of the way.

There were other tantrums but this one was the main "spectacle" I can remember.

[ByeByeLilSebastian]

I did use to
But then I had Ds1 and live in constant fear of people judging me!

[PotatoIsSoHandsome]

No-never judge a tantrum. I've had to deal with some whoppers and if someone dared to say something in such a stressful time I think my inner demon would have shown them the way to hell.

You can only do your best Keep as calm as you can. Remember the DC will stop tantrumming. Keep wine in the fridge for pm

[milkshakeandmonstermunch]

No, I don't judge. We've all been that mum and I'm usually just glad that it isn't my turn that day. You tried to help the situation and it didn't work - if you can't remove the child from the situation then you just have to ride the storm out and try not to cry. Go to your happy place.

[Amelie10]

I wouldn't have judged you because you seemed to be doing everything to calm him down. I judge those people who just leave their kids to get on with it and can't be bothered about anyone else.

[Jiggl]

I feel a solidarity with parents of tantrummers. Depending on the situation I might give a wink or pat their arm. Once an older lady with a very stern look on her face approached me when DS was in the throes of one. She told me I was doing great and it brought back memories for her. I blubbed.

And tbh I do try not to judge how they handle it. I was the ignoring mum at one point because any attempt at negotiating or distracting only escalated or prolonged the rage. Though if a parent is rough or swears, them my judgyness comes out.

[Briette]

Of course not, it's just one of those things. I feel really bad when I'm on a bus/in a shop/in some other public place and a mother is clearly desperate for the ground to swallow her up as her DC makes a scene over something ridiculously trivial; kids will be kids. I think people who judge harshly for normal behaviour (not swearing outbursts or emotional abuse!) are a tiny, if vocal, minority. And if they weren't judging for one thing it would be something else.

[Beth2511]

I too just have that brief moment of relief that just for once it isn't mine!

my dd was 2 last week, car broke down day after her birthday and all of a sudden find myself reliant on buses with a newborn, 2 year old a single nightmare pushchair and no money to either fix car or buy a double...

anyway after having to wait for 5 buses before someone would actually let us on dd had had enough, cue massive tantrum on bus which were I was trying to keep her safe she accidently headbutted me. had tears in my eyes and then some lovely old lady said to me not to worry as they all do it, even when hers were the same age 60 years ago and to just let them get on with it.

did make me feel a lot better..

plus my mum likes to remind me about the screaming tantrum I had in the middle of a church Christmas service!

[luckylucky24]

No not at all. I was in Costco the other week when a lady said at the checkout, "I don't know how you managed to stay in the shop with that kid screaming". I told her I hadn't noticed until she mentioned it and even then, I try not to judge as it could just as easily be me!

[Sanityseeker75]

I never judge and nor do any of my friends - we are more likely to offer a sympathetic "we've all been there" and thank our lucky stars those days are done for us.

[Gardencentregroupie]

Like jiggl, if my DD has hit full on tantrum stage, any attempt at intervention will just incense her further, and staying close by but doing nothing and letting the storm pass (assuming she's not in danger of hurting anyone/damaging anything) is literally the only thing I can do. Cheers judgers

[SteppingOnToes]

Don't be worried about it - everyone will just be feeling glad it is yours and not theirs... Next time it will be you with the angel and them having to deal with a screaming banshee :)

[Zaratall]

Hurry ignoring, it's tricky. Ignoring ds1 worked pretty sharpish.

Ignoring doesn't seem to work at all with ds2. He's also pretty good at trying to climb out of things, highchair, pushchair so distraction is better, when it works.

Plus I'm pretty sure they could hear his screaming in Australia so I try to quieten him down.

[MrsFrisbyMouse]

I've always tried hard not to judge - but was probably a bit smug with my beautifully behaved first child.

Now I am much less smug, much more tolerant and generally try to be understanding and supportive of any parent I see having a tough time - in my head as well as in my actions. My son (sever speech disorder and related emotional difficulties) has taught me that, as well as many other things over time.

Whilst I wish I could take away the difficulties he faces in the world, his difficulties have enabled me to become a much more open and aware person - especially around the areas of special needs. But also just a general awareness that most parents are trying to do the best they can and really we need to be much more supportive of each other - and parent within communities - not in isolation.

[ChanandlerBongsNeighbour]

Only sympathy from me! I got a gentle pat on the arm and a 'don't worry we've all been there, I remember those days well' from a lovely middle aged lady the other day whilst I was having a stand-off with screaming DD over a bottle of juice she wanted! It helped!

[Zaratall]

It's funny how kind comments do stay with you.

I was in the supermarket once with them two dc and I'd forgotten something. When I got back to the self checkout, the assistant had scanned and packed all my shopping, I was so grateful.

[HuskyLover1]

I don't really judge if it's a toddler. What really get's me though, is children who are older openly disobeying their parents and there being no consequences!

Every time I go to the shops, there are screaming toddlers actually. Quite often the parents look around my age. But my kids are both at Uni now, and if anything I just think "ah, my life is so easy now"

[JellyBelli]

No judgement from me. This will out me but if I see a kid having a tantrum i wave my arms and go Ooga booga ooga booga! 9 times out of 10 they stop the tantrum and stare, but you'd be amazed how not at all grateful and wierded out the parents are

[switswoo81]

21 mo dd lay on the ground screaming peppa like a possessed banshee yesterday because of those stupid peppa yoghurt I refuse to buy that are just at her eye level. I never judge am usually the one being judged I'd say.
For the record I scooped her up marched out of shop and had fish fingers for dinner.

[Livelovebehappy]

I don't judge, but empathise with any parent who I see going through it. I've been in the middle of Ikea with a tantrumming 2 year old, and the memory of carrying a struggling screaming toddler through the maze of Ikea trying to locate the exit still haunts me years later! I think it tends to be older people who judge - they lived in the 'children should be seen but not heard' era.

[AllTheBabies]

I wouldn't judge at all. My first was a bloody nightmare of a toddler (still has her moments aged 6!).

[Dahlietta]

I wouldn't judge either, just be quietly grateful that DS1 usually saved his (sometimes spectacular) tantrums for home. Ignoring was the only way to deal with his to be honest, but I don't think it's appropriate to just ignore them in some public places if they are spoiling other people's enjoyment e.g. of a meal. Those are the only times I might judge in a 'can't you take him out?' sort of way. If DS1 did tantrum in public, I would always take him out of a cafe.

[Mari50]

I don't judge, I just thank god that my DD is of an age where she doesn't do it anymore. Invariably sympathy and empathy from me.

[unicornpoopoop]

My son was once having a tantrum but was contained to his pushchair so aside from being annoying wasn't doing too much damage. A woman came over to me and hissed that I was to leave the shop immediately as I was embarrassing myself and everyone was apparently laughing and pointing at me. I told her I was staying and if she had a problem she could leave the shop, or I was happy to follow her around the shop with my screaming child. Quite a crowd had gathered at this point and after she stormed off I had several people on my side saying we've all been there with the tantruming child.

Sometimes as embarrassing as it is, you've just got to ignore it.

[splendide]

I have a 2 year old so definitely don't judge tantruming!

I would judge ignoring a tantrum in a cafe or library or something though. It's not OK to just let them scream for ages in a public place. Take them home to ignore them if that's what works for you!