To be this upset by a parents attitude?

[MrsJen3]

I probably need to toughen up and get used to this but it has upset me enough to make me cry when telling someone about it this morning😶
At nursery pick up yesterday my GS age 2.5 (been with us since he was 5 months old, I'm his grandma & foster carer) snatched the dummy from another childs mouth and threw it across the room. I immediately told him "that's not nice" and he said "sowwy" to the child without being asked. I picked the dummy up and handed it to the child's mum who took the dummy but ignored my apology, she just ignored me full stop. GS then began to play up as he knew he had done wrong and had been told off and he doesn't cope with either of those things well (it is highly likely he has FAS and his behaviour can be challenging) and this parent just watched us looking down her nose at me and GS.
If I had been this other parents I just know I would have reacted with much more kindness and understanding but I guess everyone is different. Do you look down on people with challenging children? Is this something I'll just have to get used to if my GS doesn't have behavioural problems because of FAS? Am I going to have to explain to every parent that actually it's not his fault or mine that his behaviour is difficult?

[MrsJen3]

To everyone who gets how I feel or has been there and experienced similar thank you for your understanding, advice, suggestions and the sharing of your own experiences. I have read the thread several times and will no doubt read it several more as yiur input really does help.

[KlingybunFistelvase]

Please don't spend one more second of your time thinking about this OP! She sounds rude and a bit of a bitch frankly. That said, she could have been having a really terrible day, so who knows why she behaved like that? You may see her again and she might be lovely.

I once gave someone the cold shoulder for about an hour as I thought she was someone who had been really unpleasant to me before. Turned out I had the wrong person and had to spend the rest of the day falling over myself to be nice to her . Maybe something like that happened?

Anyway, her behaviour was very rude and it would have pissed me off too. Don't let it get to you though. Stay strong. Sounds like you're doing a great job with your GS!

[MrsJen3]

To those who don't really get it and ask what I wanted her to say - a thank you would have done when I handed her the dummy, a brief nod of the head or some slight sign of acknowledgment.

[ViewBasket]

She is either rude or having problems which meant she wasn't up for talking. Either way, her behaviour isn't your fault. Things like this wind me up as well, so while I'd say "just ignore it and move on" I know it's difficult to do!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

My dd was a right little bugger for knicking dummies when she was a toddler. I never made dd to apologise and I know your gs did it without being asked. I apologised for her. She was stubborn and a meltdown would have ensued at that age had I forced her. I told her it wasn't kind and discouraged the behaviour. It was a stage and she grew out of it.

Do you ever try to get your gs to apologise or on the spot or anything like that? Just wondered about his reaction - I did see he's awaiting diagnosis. It never worked with dd and she would have been similar so I was just wondering. She had some quite epic tantrums. So we would usually discuss any issue later when we were alone.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Tbf I think yiu are overthinking it. She was a bit rude, but when you start doing the school gates, you will find some that are, even towards parents without sn. Don't let it affect you, brush it off, one day she might have an embarassing incident in tge supermarket. I have a dd 9 with ASD, learning difficulties, dev delay, ds 4 with dev delay and speech delay. Yiu learn to blank out stuff and grow a thick skin over time.

[MariamaMay]

So sorry for you. Sadly, there are parents out there who do react like this. I wish instead of judging they counted their blessings that their children didn't have additional challenges . I say additional challenges as you mentioned possible FAS. There are some lovely parents too though :). Hold your head up high - your GS is so lucky to have you. Adopting/Fostering comes with many unique challenges. Try and see if you can link with other adopters/foster carers who might understand some of what you cope with and give you support if these sorts of things happen. Try looking at AdoptionUK as a starting point.

[yeOldeTrout]

As your grandson's advocate, you need to grow a thicker skin, MrsJ. All that mom did was ignore you in a moment when she may have known she was being unreasonably cross but couldn't help her feelings or couldn't process what she should do or think. She could have shouted or sneered or god knows what else instead, but she didn't.

I'm sorry about the FAS. :(

[KERALA1]

It is upsetting OP but try to ignore it. I remember going to a playgroup for the first time with my 18 month old who was going through a hitting stage (no health issues at all). I warned the other parents and followed her around which was easy as none of them were talking to me anyway. One charming mother muttered "if she fucking 'its my Lexie I will fucking 'it her". I was really upset and didnt go back! < and thankfully moved house away from rough area and horrid rough people>

A few days later another toddler actually bit mine on the face in the library and I was bloody nice about it. Was a nasty break the skin bite too.

[SugarNspiceNallThingsNice]

You sound like a lovely lady. I would've expected a thanks or an it's ok, or something! the fact that your GS also said sorry without being asked is brilliant. Don't let it get to you.