To hide my DSD "glasses"??

[QueenOfTheNaps]

There's a reason I put glasses in ""

My DSD10 has perfect vision (so far) and is a lovely girl who enjoys dressing up/make believe etc.
Her mum wears sight glasses and has apparently just got a new pair as we have just spent the weekend with DSD wearing her mums old pair. Literally all weekend....
they aren't a strong prescription, but are prescription nonetheless and I really fear for her eyesight! I've mentioned it to DH and he's so blasé about it and said his XP would often let her wear her glasses. She's so happy to wear them as part of her dressing up...
Am I over reacting by thinking that it might be screwing up her (so far) perfect vision?
She took them off last night and I hid them and have no intention of 'finding them' any time soon

[QueenOfTheNaps]

Elendon I understand what you're saying. On reflection it was pretty immature of me to keep the glasses 'lost' but I suppose it was the easy way out so I could avoid a whole argument where I'm appearing to think I know what's best for DSD.
It was good to hear from a PP who could reassure me that they probably won't be doing any damage. I'm quite a worrier naturally (thanks for that, mum) so it was something that was playing on my mind the whole weekend every time I'd look at her and see the glasses

[Elendon]

What I'm saying badly is you will damage the relationship between you and your husband's daughter more than her eyesight if you continue with this. Don't go down that route.

[Elendon]

But you don't love her in the way her parents do. Accept that and move on. Don't butt in on this. Seriously! I would never do this if it was my niece or nephew. And I love all my nieces and nephews, they are part of my genes.

I understand you have a loving relationship with your husband (he is also your partner). You have known this child for two years on a part time basis. She sees you as the partner/wife of her dad. That's it. She may like you immensely and think you are brilliant, but you are not her mum. She may well say stepmum, but that's it.

Step away is my advice. This is a parental decision. It's not your call to make.

[KurriKurri]

I'd let her choose some fashion specs with clear glass - she might prefer them if she's chosen them herself.

I wouldn't hide them - it's not a nice thing to do (I know it's totally different and obviously not really a comparison as you are clearly a loving step mum, but my XH used to hide things to make me think I was going bonkers and I used to spend ages looking for them - it was horrible and bewildering) - I don't mean to sound over dramatic, but I just feel uncomfortable with the idea of hiding stuff, when you can just tell the truth and explain why it's not a good idea.

She could even get a funky case and one of those strings to hold the glasses round your neck for her own glasses to add to her dressing up play

[Namechangeemergency]

It doesn't seem for a second that you are doing this maliciously.

I am sure you are doing it for your DSD's good.

I just don't think, on balance, that taking the glasses is the best thing to do.

[QueenOfTheNaps]

Karoleann thanks for your post, I didn't see it before I wrote my last reply. It's good to hear from someone who knows what they're talking about.
So maybe I am over reacting thinking its going to cause her problems but I hope people can see it was going from a good place, not just wanting to be evil step mum spoiling her fun

[QueenOfTheNaps]

Elendon
She's not my daughter, she's my step-daughter - we have a great relationship, I love her and want whats best for her.
I'm not her dad's partner, I'm her dad's wife and am in it for the long haul. I say newish step-mum as I have only been in her life for two years.
Her mum/dad are both of the opinion that it doesn't matter but could it be possible that even if they are her biological parents they may, possibly, have misjudged this one? You say reading glasses won't harm vision but as a previous poster has suggested, with a link, this may not be the case
Her dad has informed me that her eyesight is perfect (an eye test I would assume?)
I agree with you, IABU to hide the glasses.. they will come out of hiding and I will have a convo with her about how they might not be good for her eyesight and we will see how we will move on from there.

[Karoleann]

Elendon - that's not correct either, myopia isn't due to weak muscles, myopia occurs due to the eyeball becoming too long, the cornea becoming to curved, or the lens becoming too curved.
This means that light rays coming through the pupil focus too far in front of the retina, spectacles then alter the path of incoming light rays so that the focus on the retina.

You CAN have glasses for weak eye muscles, but myopia is different.

[Namechangeemergency]

I can understand why people are suggesting getting the glasses changed but I think that is a bit of an over reaction to something that is very probably a quick passing fancy.

Why don't you let her 'find' the glasses and see if she is still wearing them all the time in a few weeks?

If she only insists on wearing them when she is with you it may be because she is using them as a transitional object and in that case you need to leave them alone.

They won't be 'mum's glasses' if you change them.

[amazingamy09]

I'd get the lenses changed to a clear glass, you don't want her eyesight being affected.

[Karoleann]

I'm an Optometrist BTW

[Namechangeemergency]

smiling they are a weak prescription for reading glasses and the DD has been wearing them for a weekend.

They will not harm her. If an ophthalmologist comes along and tells me otherwise I will be happy to retract.

With things like this you have to weigh up the pros and cons. OP says she is new to being a step parent.
This is therefore all new to the DD.

Surely it is better to let her much about with some reading glasses for a short while than it would be to pretend they have been lost and hide them?

I wouldn't have thought this is the issue for the OP to stick her neck out for.
Wouldn't it be better to save that for something important?

[Karoleann]

smiling - that is very, very unlikely to be true, your eyes probably deteriorated naturally.

10 yo can't develop amblyopia, this develops as the visual system within the brain develops and maturity is complete by age 7.

OP - wearing the wrong prescription it is unlikely to damage your DSD's eyes, it may give her a headache. There is a slight chance that it will strain the occulo-motor system and cause a muscle imbalance in the eye, but that's unlikely in a small rx.

As others have said, just take them into a local optician and get the lenses changed into plain ones.

[Elendon]

Mild prescription glasses for reading will not give a headache nor will it affect eyesight.

Glasses are aids to lazy eye muscles, unless there is something wrong with the retina and lens.

My son had perfect vision in primary school but by age of 13 his eyesight deteriorated so badly he had lens that I couldn't even see through. There was no way I could walk in a straight line without bumping into things. Thankfully, the deterioration has now halted.

My daughters have used my glasses because I have mild myopia. All it does is enhance clarity (I have to wear them whilst driving). But they thankfully have perfect vision.

[RedHelenB]

YABU Im sure she'll get bored of wearing them soon and it really isn't t your call if her Mum and Dad are happy for her to wear them.

[SmilingButClueless]

My eyesight has been irreparably affected from wearing glasses with the wrong prescription, and that was as an adult.

Admittedly that was over a longer period of time, but still.

Please don't take any chances with this.

[QueenOfTheNaps]

Needsasock by looking through the lenses you can tell they are prescription.

Ladymoth of course you're right I shouldn't be hiding/stealing anything from her.
I understand I'm not in charge of the situation however, if it was my niece/friend's child I would be exactly the same in not wanting them to wear it, but the difference there is I would feel comfortable speaking to their parents about it. Here DH is so laid-back he's like "ahhhh I'm sure it doesn't matter" and as a parent myself (and a teacher so i'm used to being in loco parentis lol) I wouldn't let my own child damage their eyesight like that so its difficult for me to just step back and let it happen with DSD. If a student came into class wearing unnecessary prescription lenses I would confiscate until the end of the day!
Although maybe I'm being dramatic and hopefully all she will get is a headache with no long term effects

[Namechangeemergency]

I would let her wear them.
I doubt it will last long and I would be really surprised if they did her any harm.

Let her have her glasses back. They are her mum's, she is attached to them, they won't hurt her.

[Elendon]

She's not your daughter. You are her dad's partner. I'm sure her mum, her real biological mum, has had this conversation. Reading glasses will not harm vision.

BTW how do you know she has perfect vision? YABVU to hide the glasses.

[SoupDragon]

Hiding them is really mean.

Having a conversation about affecting her eyesight and "how about we get clear lenses in them/buy some just for you" is the right thing to do. Although maybe better from her parents, not you.

[LadyMoth]

I don't think you should basically steal and hide something that belongs to her - I understand why, but it's not a good way to get off on the right foot with her.

I'd give them back, explain you were having a look at them to see if the lenses could be replaced, and talk to her about a solution that won't be bad for her. Specsavers will let you re-use old frames so they must be able to replace lenses.

Also ultimately you aren't in charge about things like this, her parents are. A better way might be to let her wear them and see if she does get a headache, then explain why in a nice, friendly way (not "told you so").

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

How do you know mum has not already changed the lenses?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I think knocking the lenses out and letting her keep the frames is probably the best way forward - that way she still gets to look like mum but without risking her eyesight. And yes, I agree with you, wearing a prescription she doesn't need can't be beneficial.

[ZoeTurtle]

I don't think this should be your decision, and lying to her (and your husband?) isn't the way to go about it. So you're not exactly unreasonable, since it's coming from a good place, but I think what you've done is wrong.

[FockerFun]

Get her some glasses from Claires