to think it's strange teacher asked child if he was told off at home??

[Newtothis123]

Joined today as have heard this site is helpful!
Son is is year 1 and unfortunately he hit another child on Monday, I apologised to the parents and he made the child a sorry letter.
On Wednesday when I collected him, his teacher said he had to be spoken to again after pushing another child over.
Son is very upset on the way home, is adamant it didn't happen, he was running and bumped into him and the other child said " Now I'll get you into trouble " and went and told on him
Lunchtime lady seems to have handled it well, told my son to be more careful if it was an accident but if it was on purpose it's not kind etc
So I mentioned to the teacher that evening ( parents evening ) what my son had said and asked it was looked into what exactly is meant to have happened, I said I didn't want him to feel that he was being assumed to hurt people after only one incident.
Yesterday the teacher was off sick so nothing was said but this morning she mentioned that it was a failing on her part, she was handed it over briefly and didn't understand my son had said it didn't happen so assumed he had admitted it.
Other child was spoken to again yesterday and had admitted it was an accident now.
I said I would appreciate my son being spoken to and that explained to him as I don't want him to worry about it or to feel he wasn't believed and teacher said she would.
At pick up she said she had, that it was all fine and she was very sorry.
Son said on the way home she said " did your mum or dad tell you off for what happened at school Wednesday? "
He said " no "
She then said " I didn't realise it was an accident so I would like to say sorry for not checking with you and finding out the full story "
Just seems odd to ask him if we told him off, especially when I had only informed her he was denying it happening a few hours later at parents evening!
So not as if I just blindly believed school and punished him for something that turned out not to be true.

[Newtothis123]

He is my youngest but of a different temperament to my eldest who is 8.
He knows his mind and is far more outgoing.
My daughter is a people pleaser and has never got into trouble at school, but even if she did I don't think she would want the fuss of me going in to correct the teacher whereas my son is very black and white and wanted the teacher informed and asked me if she would say sorry - to which I said I didn't think so but would explain what happened so believe me I am very pleased she apologised to both him and me as I wasn't expecting it - I just wondered why she asked if we told him off but then I guess most parents ( me included! ) would have told him off if he had actually pushed someone over!
It's a new school this year due to a move so I'm not familiar with them

[VintagePerfumista]

You need to be concentrating on the first incident where he did hit someone. And make sure he doesn't keep doing it.

But yes, non-incident. Forget it. (the second one)

[Piglet208]

YABU. I'm a teacher. I really hope my words are not dissected to this degree! It sounds like she is lovely and apologised and was showing concern that he might have been told off before he got a chance to explain. I doubt she would have remembered all the details of how he told you immediately on the way home with the billion other things she would have on her mind. Your son has a kind teacher. Celebrate that and please don't worry.

[Newtothis123]

Oh no of course we did speak to him at length about the first incident
It was an argument over his sister - other time called his sister ugly and he hit him.
Wrong of course and he wrote a letter to say sorry.
Teacher is very nice from what I've seen, I just thought she might have thought I had told him off for no reason which of course I wouldn't!

[PlumsGalore]

Agree with the overthinking, and you are going to have a long and stressful 12 years ahead if you dwell on something like this.

Trust me, every staff member and pupil has already forgotten about this.

[TeacherBob]

Teacher makes a mistake.
Teacher makes an effort to apologise for it.
Parent still finds something to moan about.


She sounds an amazing teacher, you should buy her some flowers and be grateful she cares enough to not just shrug it off. She is probably feeling awful about it.

[JerryFerry]

I feel as though I have read this thread before, did you post about it a couple of days ago?

[Richardhun]

I think you are very hard work...poor teacher.

[KathArtic]

As Plums said, you've got 11 years still to go. Do you have time to sort every incident?

Do you work OP?

My SAH friend was literally in school everyday with some issue or other. I, on the other hand, worked so couldn't be arsed to worry about the minor stuff. I picked my battles, as rightly, sometimes the teachers don't deal with incidents as you feel they should and of course your priority is your son.

I also think that teachers do amazing work and you have to balance whether going into school is really 'supporting' the teacher in doing their primary role of educating.

[RainbowDashian]

What a brilliant teacher! I'm not sure what the problem is.

[JustSpeakSense]

Teacher sounds lovely, I'm not sure what the problem is?

She basically said 'I'm sorry I accused you of something you didn't do, and that you got into trouble for it'

[MargotsDevil]

I'm having a "teacher can't do anything right moment here"! She apologised for a mistake yet you're still thinking it odd? Poor woman.

[hippyhippyshake]

Seriously, how many other people's chronological timelines can you keep in your head after two days? Lovely teacher so enjoy the rest of the year with her.

[sashh]

She was probably worried she had caused him to be told off and felt bad but not sure what asking him would have actually achieved, had he said yes - what could she have done differently as she had already apologised!

She could and by the sounds of it say, "sorry your mum told you off, that's my fault and I will talk to her and make sure she knows it was me"

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Yes you're over thinking it. She asked because she felt guilty for getting him into trouble and apologised for getting it wrong. End of story.

[kaitlinktm]

If she got the chronology wrong who can blame her - a full teaching day followed by a parents' evening is exhausting.

[RubyRoseViolet]

I think she did the absolute best she could given the circumstances. I teach this age group. There are hundreds of interactions between the children every single day. You do your level best to investigate all those that are more serious. This is on top of getting through a busy curriculum.

She knows your child hit someone the other day. She was told he had hit someone again. In the madness that is school, and in the absence of any other evidence she was entirely reasonable in assuming he had done so. Once she found out this may not be the case she investigated it fully, resolved it between the children and apologised to you. I would have done the same. Don't overthink every world she said. It was handled as well as it could have been.

[Naicehamshop]

I do playground duty in our very small school. This sort of thing happens all the time!!!!

Please let this sort of incident go (so long as it has been dealt with by the school). Otherwise you will drive yourself round the bend!

[lougle]

It's quite logical that you could have told him off and he was adamant that he didn't do it throughout the telling off. That's happened to me before - I've suddenly thought 'why is she being so damned stubborn about this and not just accepting that she's been caught out' and then the penny has dropped that one of my DDs really hasn't done x,y,z. So perhaps the teacher thought you'd realised he hadn't done it because you'd told him off for it and he had been insistent that he hadn't done it. In which case there is more to apologise for. She's done really well!

[Newtothis123]

I hadn't thought of it like that Lougle
That sounds quite reasonable
I guess I'm just slightly emotional anyway currently after he did hit this other child which left a swollen eye so when something else apparently happened just 2 days later I can understand why they assumed he had done it
It was handled well thinking it through and I guess I should be grateful she is willing to admit a mistake.
I do work part time, 3 days per week so only at the school 2 as husband does night shifts so does the school runs on my working days
I think it's just because I have never had one single issue with my daughter that this feels like a big deal as he was on the receiving end of a few violent bits and pieces in his old school last year so was hoping for a new start

[RubyRoseViolet]

Well as a parent it sounds like you're handling it all really well. You treated the first incident seriously and got to the bottom of this one. Some children do enjoy a more rough and tumble sort of play which can spill over into a fight. Maybe it's that sort of thing?

[lougle]

It's really hard when you're hearing things second, or really third, hand as well though. I went into school this week because DD3 was coming home saying that she'd been told off a lot at school.

Firstly, she'd been told off for having a toy that wasn't hers at school. A teacher had asked whose the toy was. She and another girl both denied it being theirs, several other children chimed in to say it was DD3's, so the teacher said 'DD3, I think other girl would know if it was hers!' - well in fact it was other girl's, because since the welcome to year 3 meeting we'd had at the beginning of term, when the teacher had asked us to discourage toys coming in to school, I've strictly banned toys going in to school and DD3 doesn't ever take toys with her to school. As DD3 is a real stickler for honesty and really doesn't lie, she'd got it into her head that her teachers think she's a liar. So I wrote a quick note saying 'this has happened, it's a bit unfortunate, but could you reassure DD3 that you don't think she's a liar in general as she's quite upset.'

Then the next day she came home saying that she'd been told off for something else by a dinner lady and was really upset.

So I just popped into school and asked if DD3 was behaving badly of late, if there was a reason she seems to be being told off so much lately, why she isn't being believed when she says she doesn't own something/hasn't done something.

The teacher was brilliant - a combination of mistakes happen but we've spoken to DD3 and reassured her, but also that DD3 seems to be having a perfectionist's crisis - she's trying to be perfect so any little correction by staff is being seen as a major telling off. Now I can help her at home to understand that she's 7 and it's her job to get stuff wrong. Her teachers are there to help her be the best they can be so they will tell her how to improve.

[TeacherBob]

Thumbs up to lougle

[TeacherBob]

Incidentally, and I know you guys will not have seen me say this (sarcasm)
but growth mindset!

The most important rule in my classroom is 'we will take risks and make mistakes'.
We refer to it ALL the time and it has changed the ethos of the classroom.

The children are 5, even I make mistakes and that is how we all learn.

[HuskyLover1]

Sounds like a PFB to me.