to think it's strange teacher asked child if he was told off at home??

[Newtothis123]

Joined today as have heard this site is helpful!
Son is is year 1 and unfortunately he hit another child on Monday, I apologised to the parents and he made the child a sorry letter.
On Wednesday when I collected him, his teacher said he had to be spoken to again after pushing another child over.
Son is very upset on the way home, is adamant it didn't happen, he was running and bumped into him and the other child said " Now I'll get you into trouble " and went and told on him
Lunchtime lady seems to have handled it well, told my son to be more careful if it was an accident but if it was on purpose it's not kind etc
So I mentioned to the teacher that evening ( parents evening ) what my son had said and asked it was looked into what exactly is meant to have happened, I said I didn't want him to feel that he was being assumed to hurt people after only one incident.
Yesterday the teacher was off sick so nothing was said but this morning she mentioned that it was a failing on her part, she was handed it over briefly and didn't understand my son had said it didn't happen so assumed he had admitted it.
Other child was spoken to again yesterday and had admitted it was an accident now.
I said I would appreciate my son being spoken to and that explained to him as I don't want him to worry about it or to feel he wasn't believed and teacher said she would.
At pick up she said she had, that it was all fine and she was very sorry.
Son said on the way home she said " did your mum or dad tell you off for what happened at school Wednesday? "
He said " no "
She then said " I didn't realise it was an accident so I would like to say sorry for not checking with you and finding out the full story "
Just seems odd to ask him if we told him off, especially when I had only informed her he was denying it happening a few hours later at parents evening!
So not as if I just blindly believed school and punished him for something that turned out not to be true.

[Wonderingwoe]

What's your worry op

[JerryFerry]

Check this thread OP, sounds exactly like yours

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2776576-to-be-mortified-at-school-pick-up

[Wonderingwoe]

She sounds caring I think but why ask if he was in trouble when you made it clear he was Wrongly accused?!

[pippitysqueakity]

What Gemma said.

[gemma19846]

Wish all teachers were more like her tbh

[gemma19846]

I would take that as the teacher was worried he may of been told off at home and felt bad because if he had of been it was because of her x

[Newtothis123]

Oh!
That's for the explanation - as you say he isn't my first!
He is pretty precious to me so they can have that 😂

[user1477282676]

Precious First Born

[lougle]

Precious First Born - written by someone who hasn't read the thread and didn't see that this isn't your first DC and it's not why you're upset .

[Newtothis123]

What is pfb??

[HuskyLover1]

Sounds like a PFB to me.

[TeacherBob]

Incidentally, and I know you guys will not have seen me say this (sarcasm)
but growth mindset!

The most important rule in my classroom is 'we will take risks and make mistakes'.
We refer to it ALL the time and it has changed the ethos of the classroom.

The children are 5, even I make mistakes and that is how we all learn.

[TeacherBob]

Thumbs up to lougle

[lougle]

It's really hard when you're hearing things second, or really third, hand as well though. I went into school this week because DD3 was coming home saying that she'd been told off a lot at school.

Firstly, she'd been told off for having a toy that wasn't hers at school. A teacher had asked whose the toy was. She and another girl both denied it being theirs, several other children chimed in to say it was DD3's, so the teacher said 'DD3, I think other girl would know if it was hers!' - well in fact it was other girl's, because since the welcome to year 3 meeting we'd had at the beginning of term, when the teacher had asked us to discourage toys coming in to school, I've strictly banned toys going in to school and DD3 doesn't ever take toys with her to school. As DD3 is a real stickler for honesty and really doesn't lie, she'd got it into her head that her teachers think she's a liar. So I wrote a quick note saying 'this has happened, it's a bit unfortunate, but could you reassure DD3 that you don't think she's a liar in general as she's quite upset.'

Then the next day she came home saying that she'd been told off for something else by a dinner lady and was really upset.

So I just popped into school and asked if DD3 was behaving badly of late, if there was a reason she seems to be being told off so much lately, why she isn't being believed when she says she doesn't own something/hasn't done something.

The teacher was brilliant - a combination of mistakes happen but we've spoken to DD3 and reassured her, but also that DD3 seems to be having a perfectionist's crisis - she's trying to be perfect so any little correction by staff is being seen as a major telling off. Now I can help her at home to understand that she's 7 and it's her job to get stuff wrong. Her teachers are there to help her be the best they can be so they will tell her how to improve.

[RubyRoseViolet]

Well as a parent it sounds like you're handling it all really well. You treated the first incident seriously and got to the bottom of this one. Some children do enjoy a more rough and tumble sort of play which can spill over into a fight. Maybe it's that sort of thing?

[Newtothis123]

I hadn't thought of it like that Lougle
That sounds quite reasonable
I guess I'm just slightly emotional anyway currently after he did hit this other child which left a swollen eye so when something else apparently happened just 2 days later I can understand why they assumed he had done it
It was handled well thinking it through and I guess I should be grateful she is willing to admit a mistake.
I do work part time, 3 days per week so only at the school 2 as husband does night shifts so does the school runs on my working days
I think it's just because I have never had one single issue with my daughter that this feels like a big deal as he was on the receiving end of a few violent bits and pieces in his old school last year so was hoping for a new start

[lougle]

It's quite logical that you could have told him off and he was adamant that he didn't do it throughout the telling off. That's happened to me before - I've suddenly thought 'why is she being so damned stubborn about this and not just accepting that she's been caught out' and then the penny has dropped that one of my DDs really hasn't done x,y,z. So perhaps the teacher thought you'd realised he hadn't done it because you'd told him off for it and he had been insistent that he hadn't done it. In which case there is more to apologise for. She's done really well!

[Naicehamshop]

I do playground duty in our very small school. This sort of thing happens all the time!!!!

Please let this sort of incident go (so long as it has been dealt with by the school). Otherwise you will drive yourself round the bend!

[RubyRoseViolet]

I think she did the absolute best she could given the circumstances. I teach this age group. There are hundreds of interactions between the children every single day. You do your level best to investigate all those that are more serious. This is on top of getting through a busy curriculum.

She knows your child hit someone the other day. She was told he had hit someone again. In the madness that is school, and in the absence of any other evidence she was entirely reasonable in assuming he had done so. Once she found out this may not be the case she investigated it fully, resolved it between the children and apologised to you. I would have done the same. Don't overthink every world she said. It was handled as well as it could have been.

[kaitlinktm]

If she got the chronology wrong who can blame her - a full teaching day followed by a parents' evening is exhausting.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

Yes you're over thinking it. She asked because she felt guilty for getting him into trouble and apologised for getting it wrong. End of story.

[sashh]

She was probably worried she had caused him to be told off and felt bad but not sure what asking him would have actually achieved, had he said yes - what could she have done differently as she had already apologised!

She could and by the sounds of it say, "sorry your mum told you off, that's my fault and I will talk to her and make sure she knows it was me"

[hippyhippyshake]

Seriously, how many other people's chronological timelines can you keep in your head after two days? Lovely teacher so enjoy the rest of the year with her.

[MargotsDevil]

I'm having a "teacher can't do anything right moment here"! She apologised for a mistake yet you're still thinking it odd? Poor woman.

[JustSpeakSense]

Teacher sounds lovely, I'm not sure what the problem is?

She basically said 'I'm sorry I accused you of something you didn't do, and that you got into trouble for it'