for thinking that: "because it always been done like that"

[3LoveHeartsAndNoMore]

just doesn't cut it as an argument?
It's funny we live in a society where new things are lapped up...but when it comes to parenting the whole ole...but our parents did or it;s always been done like that...suddenly becomes a valid argument...just because it fits the bill...I mean...wtf...lets just ignore all the new research then right...saying that though, we might aswell scrab it all, because it wold safe money...just lets plod on wihtout knowing any better then, yeah....thumping my head agaisnt a brick wall for sure, sigh....

[suedonim]

I think it's great that we now have research-based advice and there's lots of stuff I've learnt on MN that I wished I knew years ago.

But instinct also plays a part. My first two babies were born at the height of the front-sleeping phase, which was introduced after it was noticed that premature babies did better when nursed on their front. That was then extrapolated to all babies. But that advice never seemed right to me. I had never heard of a baby choking in its sleep and the experienced MW I had also felt it was wrong. So my babies slept all on their back or side, though I think side-sleeping is not advised nowadays, either.

The flat head syndrome is strange, imo. As front sleeping was a short-lived phase one would imagine that lots of people over the age of about 40 would also have flat heads but afaik, they don't - or at least we can't see them! Interestingly, here in Africa where babies are carried all the time people have the most beautifully shaped heads. I often want to reach out and stroke the children, they are so perfect.

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

I have taken advice from older relatives when I was an inexperienced mother. I didn't have a clue what I was doing and blindly followed the guidlines. My son screamed and screamed non stop, he was so thoroughly miserable. When he was about 11 weeks old my aunt was visiting and said she thought he was hungry and I should try a little baby rice/ rusk. How could I do that? Current guidlines, blah, blah. Well I did and the change in him was instant.He was hungry bfor something other than milk. Shoot me down if you like, it stillremains the truth and I bet there are alot of babies who are very hungry because of the 6 month, 4 month whatever weaning guide. Guidlines should always be taken as just that and not something written in stone.

[Saturn74]

Hello kittywits, how are you?
When is No6 due?

[robbosmum]

Kitty.... agree completely...in times of low spirits, when i asked mum for advice she would say ..the trouble is the babies don't read the books..... shes so right,, research may have changed,,, often for the better but we could all bear in mind that babies haven't...how on earth did the human race survive without books

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I suspect they b/fed for some time in the early days....

[boredwithwaitingforminiMOSSY]

Lol robbosmum although having said that, when I was buying a bf pillow online the other day in preparation for lo being born, dh's mate said "I bet the cavemen didn't use them when they bf!"

But it's a bit different, he's a bloke nor does he have kids! (Yes I did point out that cave men wouldn't have bfed anyway!)

I haven't had much advice from the "older generation" regarding my pgcy though so can't really comment on "because it's always been done like that"!

(Although the other day I did check that when lo is born mil will still smoke outside - she does atm 'cos I'm pg - she agreed, but did mutter "it's not effing polonium!" under her breath )

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

Hello HC I am fine but v. tired now no.6 due in 5 weeks, but they are always late!!

[JillyBeansNW]

Moss - smike does contain polonium = they were just about to run ads saying that when all that stuff happened, so they pulled them

[JillyBeansNW]

smOke

typing while bf is useless...

[divastropwantstodrop]

my mum used to laugh when she told me about the things they did 'in her day' like the rusk in a bottle etc.but she was the one who(thankfully)advised me to give ds1 a dummy when he was 3 weeks old and constantly attatched to me.
when new guidelines come out then i look into them(i myself thought the new guidleines on making up ff in advance were a load of tosh till i posted a thread on here about it)but i'm not going to follow them to the letter.i weaned dd2 at 4 months.it never did the other 3 any harm

[divastropwantstodrop]

whats polonium?it sounds like a type of sausage.

[crumpet]

Find me one picture painted in the last x hundred years of baby Jesus asleep in a manger on his front...

[boredwithwaitingforminiMOSSY]

Diva don't start with the sausages again we had enough of that yesterday lol!!

Jillybeans how funny I didn't know that I should have said that to her!

To be fair she is really understanding about it, it's a bit of a sea change for her too, two years ago dh, mil and I all smoked like chimneys, then I stopped, then a year ago dh stopped, and then she started to feel a bit awkward, and then I got pg, so now she has to smoke outside... she is very understanding but she does mutter about it under her breath from time to time!!

She is lovely though.

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

That proves it for me then Crumpet

[OrmIrian]

Can I also put in a plea for instinct - I tried to follow the 'rules' with baby #1 and nearly killed myself with stress and exhaustion. He hadn't read the rules - he didn't know he was supposed to feed every 4 hours and that he wasn't supposed to sleep with me...silly child! Instinct told me that if I carried on the way I had been I would probably top myself and chuck DS out of the window.

So I accept that research may well be useful but it has to be used carefully and is frequently contradictory - eg the differing research on co-sleeping, and the research demonstrating the benefits/problems associated with leaving a baby in childcare. Generally I think you pay your money and choose your research.

Of course we learn more as times change but that doesn't mean that the 'old ways' have no merit.

[3LoveHeartsAndNoMore]

no one is actually saying that instincts are always bad....picking our child up when they cry is following instinct, not picking it up is following stupid myths and rules....
of course instinct is important, but there are situations where instinct isn't enough.
We have lost a great deal of natural parenting instinct through the centuries...due to all those lil gadgets that enable us to be apart from our Kids more, rather then carrying them about with us, enabling us to really pick up on their moods, etc...of course more and more people are returning to that now, Slings are more commercially used, etc....!

[DizzyBint]

ormirian- those 'rules' aren't rules though. they are just baby book authors ideas (eg she who must be mentioned). the OP is talking about guidelines which have come about from extensive global research, not some woman who wants to sell a few books and hasn't even got a child herself..for example.

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

But these books do tend to follow trends in guidlines and spout current thinking, so in many ways they are a reflection of current research and some of the things they say is condractictory.

[OrmIrian]

exactly Kitty - co-sleeping being the prime example.

[foxabout2pop]

I find all the "current advice" confusing as it changes so frequently.

e.g. I was told on Saturday that the position I gave birth to DS and DD in is now a "no, no" - though it was recommended 6 and 3 years ago.

Likewise - the 3 year old advice to BF until 6 months is impractical - mine were both starving at 4.5 months and it would have been downright cruel to deprive them of solids.

Likewise the MMR debate - the changing debate re. "links" doesn't help the families whose kids were very clearly affected and no amount of government spouted advice will change that.

Ditto the latest advice on alcohol - the teeniest bit during PGcy can brain-damage a child for life

Its difficult to keep up with this ever changing advice or know what to trust.

TBH I have given up on reading the "advice". I'm all for progress and get excited about new thinking but I think we as parents get completely saturated by all this "advice" from so called experts, most of which is contradictory anyway

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

That's very true Foxy

[DizzyBint]

kitty- those books aren't based on current guidelines at all, which is why they are controversial, and which is why one of the books in question is not to be discussed on this site, because lots of mums have questioned the validity of the author's work.

[DizzyBint]

foxy- your 2 were starving as they went through the 4 month growth spurt then? not surprising really. it's just that you chose to deal with that by giving solids. others choose to give more milk..seeing weaning as an introduction to food, not an effort to feed hunger.

[hunkermunker]

Fox, if they were "downright starving" at 4.5 months, what did you give them to eat? Because unless it was chocolate gateau with cream and ice cream, it's unlikely it was more calorific than milk.