for thinking that: "because it always been done like that"

[3LoveHeartsAndNoMore]

just doesn't cut it as an argument?
It's funny we live in a society where new things are lapped up...but when it comes to parenting the whole ole...but our parents did or it;s always been done like that...suddenly becomes a valid argument...just because it fits the bill...I mean...wtf...lets just ignore all the new research then right...saying that though, we might aswell scrab it all, because it wold safe money...just lets plod on wihtout knowing any better then, yeah....thumping my head agaisnt a brick wall for sure, sigh....

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

Pruni I agree we with you, you do the best you can with the information you have, but that information will change.

dejags, no I do not think you should do those things, but I think you should be open minded to the fact that fashions change, guidlines change. A piece of research shows for example that it is better not to x and it maes perfect sense to follow that research. However a few years down the line another piece of research points towards the fact that by not doing x you are causing y and so on and so forth.

I think we should all be open minded and that includes not deriding well meaning if not old fashioned advice from mothers from different generations.

[fortyplus]

kitty - you and I have XPd but I think what you've just said sums up what I thought you were getting at.

[dejags]

I agree with you kitty. An open mind is what is needed - by everybody (older and younger generation included).

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

pruni, after so many years of motherhood, I am guessing that nearly everything I think is intelectually empty.

I am not saying it is meaningless but neither should it be followed blindly as absolutely correct. It should always be tempered with experience and common sense.It has its uses.

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[fortyplus]

kitty - I was hoping you weren't the same kitty who is planning to do a strip at her wedding - obviously not!

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

Ha, ha, sadly not. Ooh, I'd like to have been at that one though

[fortyplus]

Here it is!

[3LoveHeartsAndNoMore]

KItty, don't think anyone is suggesting that one just follows any guidelines without researching the subject,but surely new guidelines can't just be poopoo'ed away because "it's always been done like that"?
And, if by the time my Kids have children and they do things differently, then I will be hoping that they do things because they have looked into it, rather then following any advice without further thinking about it.

[MrsBadger]

But is there any actual evidence (I mean apart from SWMNBN and MILs who say 'you're making a rod for your own back' etc) that picking up your child when they cry does harm?

There's a big difference beteween evidence-based and non-evidence-based advice, and often instinct seems to be at least as good as the second kind...

[harpsichordcarrier]

no of course no Mrs B
there is evidence that responding to a baby's needs in the first year actually reduces the instance of crying later
please don't make me look it up though, I have to go swimming

[Firepile]

To return to an earlier theme - I think the point about SIDS and sleeping position rather proves the point that evidence-based guidelines are better than anecdotal advice. The sleep on the front advice was based on a "comon-sense" approach that babies would be more likely to choke on their backs. There wasn't actually any research to show that it did stop babies choking, but it seemed plausible that it would, so nobody thought to question it. It was only once scientists and doctors started looking into the causes of cot death with proper research methods that the link with sleeping position was identified and the advice changed.

The result of this advice change? A big reduction in cot deaths. That's lives saved.

That's a pretty clear victory for evidence-based guidelines, don't you think?Similarly, the current weaning guidelines are properly evidence-based, as opposed to previous advice and practice, which was not.

Surely we're best to go with the best evidence here, too?

[LieselVentouse]

That doesnt stand up cause when I was younger I didnt wear a seatbelt, I didnt even sit in the back seat most of the time. My grandparents smoked in the same room when babysitting. And I had a golliwog. Things we would never do now even though it was okay then.

[singersgirl]

I agree that we should embrace progress. But I think sometimes people say stuff like, "And it didn't do me any harm..." just to put in perspective some of our neuroses about parenting.

[VeniVidiVickiQV]

I have absolutely No Idea what I meant when I posted last night.

Although, I can confirm, I agree with the majority on this thread.

I also think that this apparent feeling/thinking that advice changes "every other day", is not, in fact due to advice changing "every other day", but the person spouting it and their interpretation of said guidelines is what is changing.

What I am saying is - it depends on who you are listening to at any one time, and how clued up they are.

Most people on here have read, and can link to the latest research to back up their interpretation. GP's and HV's tend to go with whatever it is they, as an individual, have been saying for the last 20+ years.

[kittywaitsfornumber6]

Is there not an increasing problem now though with babies having flat heads because they spend so much time on their backs?

I'm not saying sleeping on their backs is wrong, I believe it is right, but is it not true that for every action there isd an equal and oppposite reaction??????

[CatBert]

The thing is, that Kitty has a point when she states that the reason most parents/grandparents make comment is that it is coming from the mouths of the babies they cherished and fed and doted over as much as we do our own, it must smack of criticism at the way they did things. I rather think that most of the time, these parents are overwhelmed at their own offspring living and parenting in a time where SO MUCH information is poured into us as to how best to bring up our babies, when they came from an age where you followed the advice of your "elders and betters".

However, I am not so sure we will be as scathing towards our own children, because we HAVE been through parenting with "latest information and research" and so will understand more fully the need for new parents to follow the latest guidelines given, even if they directly contradict that which we "knew" as new parents ourselves.

I have changed my mind on MANY subjects over the years, simply because empirical evidence and painstaking research has shown a different answer. I am happy to state that I was wrong, but believed I was right AT THE TIME with the information I had.

[robbosmum]

argghhhhhh,,,,common sense, good evidence based research and the support of a fantastic family who wil only give an opinion when asked is the key to a healthy and happy family , i think......

re: research we need to be very sure that it has been done properly and robustly

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[dejags]

That would be nice Robbosmum.

Sadly, there is more chance of DH falling pregnant by wind pollenation. His family are the worst for interfering. I have just learned to smile sweetly and ignore.

[Pruni]

Message withdrawn

[robbosmum]

dejags, yes i have to say my mum is fab for being supportive, whilst not actually giving an opinion,,,if only my mil was like that