To be so worried about having a third child?

[utopian99]

Dh and I gave ourselves until now ish to decide on 2 or 3. We have a two boys, 2 year old and almost 4 year old, and wouldn't want a much larger gap so if we're going to have a third we should start trying now.

Dh thinks it's a good idea and always has done; although he realises the obvious practical challenges he's very keen on the idea of them all being a gang together. (He was an only child and was a bit lonely, if that makes any difference...) He parents with me 50:50, loves the two we have and would absolutely pull his weight on that front with a third.

I'm more nervous about it from a family dynamic point of view. Practicalities aside, when I look for discussions about having 3 the parents always say "I/we never regret having 3", but when I find discussion from adults who had two other siblings it seems a lot felt they got left out/felt like a spare/etc. This is the thing that above all else makes me think maybe we should stick at 2. I was one of 2 and we were and still are great friends, if that has a bearing on it..

Please please IF you yourself are one of three (Not a parent of three unless they are well into their late teens at the youngest,) can you tell me frankly what you think of it and would you do it? I hope no one minds me excluding parents of three young children but my worries relate to their long term relationship with each other and us.

Thanks for getting this far. It'd driving me to distraction..

[wineusuallyhelps]

I'm one of three BUT my siblings were 12 and 14 years older than me. Which meant that I felt like a bit of an only child, yet with an older sister who 'mothered' me. I didn't get to play with them obviously and I was separate from them in my parents' eyes, IYSWIM?

My DH is a middle child with the others being 5 years older/younger than him. He said he didn't get to play much either, as the gap was still too big.

I only tell you this to point out that if you want them to be close (like my 3 DCs who range between 11 and 7) then you may be right not to leave it too long for number 3. Good luck!

[GruffaloPants]

I'm one if 3 (2 older brothers). I have a god relationship with both, one in particular. Usual,childhood arguments occurred, as they would with 2, or 4!

[PleaseNotTrump]

Aww, lovely thread - glad you started it OP go for three

[pontificationcentral]

I have three teens (not sure what your cut-off was for being allowed to post). Dh is one of three. I am not.
Our dc3 was brain damage at birth. This led to a very complicated few years where the older two were as a matter of necessity given even less time than they would have ordinarily.
Anyhoo - dh hardly ever talks to or sees his brother, and we see his sister once every couple of years. Dh is the youngest. We see his parents more than his siblings.
Ours all fight constantly, but would also fight anyone else to the death who dared to pick on a sibling.
I only have one sister, and haven't seen her for over two years.
You can't predict sibling relationships (especially in the long term) by numbers. Don't use any prediction of long term relationships as a deciding factor in how many children to have. Life doesn't work like that.
The biggest thing for us with three has been the expense, and the logistical difficulties involved with being a family of five (transport, holidays, just the sheer amount of stuff and organization required) and frankly, right now staring down trying to work out how to fund three of them through university.
Dc3 being brain damaged wasn't anything we ever envisaged (we would probably have had more children if this hadn't happened) but it did show us that trying to plan anything in this life is pretty much pointless! Roll with it!

[IWillOnlyEatBeans]

I am the youngest of three girls - my sisters were five and six when I was born.

My sister's are much closer to each other than to me, and always have been. I did feel a bit left out when I was younger. We're all 30s/40s now and although the dynamic hasn't really shifted, we all get on great and I know my sisters would be there for me if I needed them.

[utopian99]

Thank you everyone for the amazing replies! I feel so much happier and of course things like personality and parental behaviour affect the it so much more really. It makes sense but I think I'd lost it in the angst. When we had 1 ds we were both determined to get on with no 2 no question and I still worried about it, so am obviously prone to it!

Financially while we wouldn't be sending 3 to private school (for example of increased costs,) We could afford it and have the house space so that I'm less worried about. This thread has given me so many positives and lovely stories you've really helped.

And in summary I guess IABU...

[Kmxxx14]

I'm one of three (middle child) with two sisters. Wasn't great growing up, we didn't really get on. Now we are grown up we are very close. Speak everyday and I'm so glad I have them. I'm close to them both in different ways. They don't get on as well but I think it's more of a personality clash. I love it & im so thankful. I don't have many friends but when I have two sisters I like and can rely on I don't really need that many friends.