To be pissed off at DP's inability to do anything domestic correctly?

[Isawthepigsfly]

So at the moment the majority of housework falls to me because I'm home more. That's fine.

This weekend DP was to do washing and sort DD's uniform. This morning it's materialised that not all of the uniform has been washed and some of the clothes that were washed (presumably on the wrong setting) and been hung to dry are still covered in sick.

So I've got a child half dressed for school and having to try and find some kind of alternative and a whole load of washing that now needs steeped and re-washed or binned which I'm leaning towards.

How can neither of these things be noticed by DP and only by me when it's a bit too late?

[SuperFlyHigh]

steppemum actually my DB is like this... He would try to wash some of his DW's clothes (usually her favourite delicate items) in the machine and didn't read the label. A few dresses were ruined time after time (at least 2-3 times) and she was naturally upset as some of them were presents from her DPs.

I did speak to him and said either just read the label, if it's not clear then wash on delicate cycle or don't wash it at all. He always said he was just trying to be helpful (he's freelance) when he did the washing.

I very kindly along with my mum treated her to some nice clothes with input from DB last time he did this and SIL was over the moon (I have good taste and got her a really pretty dress in a sale, just her style and a very "her" Zara top. my mum got her a lovely top and dress too. DB also contributed but felt bad anyway.

Since then he hasn't do this, I did also tell him, ask me or mum if you can't read the label, text us or whatever and he agreed. I also pointed out, how would he feel if SIL this to him repeatedly even if it were an accident and he agreed he wouldn't do washing unless clear instructions!

I do think some men have brain fog or equally just do a job so badly it won't be asked to be done again which is lazy.

[Clankboing]

My colleagues say 'ooh isnt he good?' about my husband if I happen to mention something he was doing. But he isnt good (well he's lovely yes) he is just living in the house and we all do these tjings.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I agree with people who say parents and example helps re training men.

My mum gave us housework rotas from a young age and my brother could sew, iron, Hoover, cook etc from the age it was safe enough to do it. I was shown how to wire a plug, paint walls, wallpaper etc.

If you show children they can do certain tasks and not assign them gender specific tasks or do it for them (this ruined a 13 year relationship for a friend of mine because his mum did everything for him and meals were microwave or M&S meals, and now I remember a boyfriend when I was 30 who in his late 20s still lived with his mum and sister (we lived together for 6 months!) they still did ironing for him, he did manly jobs, mum cooked M&S ready meals too and housework was women's work. It amazed me first time we went abroad self catering he had no idea how to cook (he could do fish fingers chips and beans though!) and I have a photo of him handwashing something in the bathroom sink! When we lived together I said either we get a cleaner or you help clean, he paid for the cleaner.

[SuperFlyHigh]

clank but then again "isn't he good" was used by my nana (mum's mum) towards my stepdad (10 years younger than my mum and got together either when she was 33 he was 23) who she rarely saw and who was a "brick" for taking on 2 kids not his own (me and DB) - she didn't know he didn't know now to parent though and was often violent and cruel which my mum knew nothing about. Stepdad says some times he wished he'd known more about what he was taking on (not necessarily in a nasty way just hindsight etc).

[Clankboing]

The 'isnt he good' thing implies that the speaker is slightly incredulous that a man works in the home or is being kind to the woman, when no, he isnt being kind. Hes doing the same as the woman - getting stuff done as quickly as poss so we can relax after. People can be very old fashioned , I agree.

[Msqueen33]

My mum often complains that I don't cook enough for my dh but yet wants my dad to cook a meal and share the housework. Like I want to be doing the drudgy crap. And no he's not amazing to be able to use a hoover.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Totally agree Clank in fact stepdad had his family in Ireland believe for YEARS that he was supporting us single handedly, paying off the mortgage (his housekeeping helped) whereas my mum paid off the mortgage early herself, mortgage in her name only, and overpaid using inheritances and book royalties. Stepdad has his family think otherwise until mum threatened to put them right, he went to see his family once a year, mum hates Ireland so rarely goes so it was easy for the family (his) to think otherwise and he didn't tell them otherwise. That's always riled me a bit.

[IWantBlueHair]

In my experience though, it is rare that you meet a man who does his share of housework, and does it well, without being asked.

Within my circle of friends, acquaintances and work mates I can honestly say I can only think of one man this applies to, so we would all say isn't he good, or "you have him well trained" if hearing of a man being "good" around the house.

[witsender]

This is why I love my MIL (and FIL, though he has sadly departed). They raised 4 boys, all of whom took on responsibility for their own washing when they hit their teens. They were involved in cooking, and budgeting. FIL was an engineer who could make or fix anything, so they are all practical and have a DIY approach to everything. There is very little that DH can't or won't turn his hand to. Likewise we didn't meet until he was mid thirties, by which point he had lived alone for many years. Funnily enough he managed to cook, clean and launder in that time AS WELL AS working! Miracle eh!

So no reason for that to change now he has a wife. Incompetence is not sexy.

[Racerback]

In my experience though, it is rare that you meet a man who does his share of housework, and does it well, without being asked.

Possibly the most tragic thing I have ever read on MN.

You do realise, all of you with incompetent husbands, that this incompetence is a passive expression of contempt for you and your DC, don't you? That these men are not lovable fools, but unlovable arseholes? Oh yes, they may have their good points. They may check the oil and water occasionally (WTF?! like it's comparable!) but deep down - or possibly not so deep down - they DESPISE you.

Once you've been with a man who doesn't hate women - a grown up who sees what needs doing and does it - you NEVER go back. And no woman should settle for less.