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AIBU?

Cheeky To Ask?

34 replies

LouBlue1507 · 30/10/2016 22:52

Hi ladies need some advice on how to approach this...

When DD (13 weeks) was born MIL kindly said she wants to buy us DDs cot mattress and linen when she's big enough to go in the cot.

The time has come, DD has outgrown her Moses basket and needs to go in a proper cot. I mentioned to MIL yesterday that DD is too big for her Moses basket now and she said 'Ohhh she's still got plenty of room in there'... She really doesn't!

This has now given me the impression that she no longer wants to buy the cot (absolutely fine). I'm more than happy to go to buy one tomorrow but I'm worried MIL will be miffed. DH has said maybe she has forgot, but I think it's cheeky to ask her!

I don't know what to do! Do I risk being cheeky offer MIL to buy the matters (it is needed ASAP though).. Or do I just buy one tomorrow myself? Tbh I'd prefer to just buy one myself, I hate relying on others for things but I don't want to upset MIL!

Thanks

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NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 10:12

I think it's more diplomatic, Navy. If I think about my own family, I can get away with saying things to them that are controversial and they won't hold a grudge, whereas they might think my DH was being quite forward and rude (not that he ever would be) so I wouldn't put him in that situation. I expect the same consideration from him when it comes to maintaining harmonious relations with his family.

NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

9troubledwaters · 31/10/2016 08:58

It would be odd to wait for Christmas, she'll grow a lot in 2 months she may roll out of it. If you feel she needs it now, she needs it now!

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 08:26

Navy, I think it's because blood family relationships are usually more robust than in-law relationships, and people don't want to risk giving offence by looking greedy. Completely understandable. I would speak to my family rather than expecting my husband to do it.

Trifleorbust · 31/10/2016 08:23

Depends on your relationship, I suppose. My PIL are always very generous and it makes me wary of seeming grasping, so I always ask my husband to discuss anything like this with them. A simple reminder that she offered and notice that you want the baby in her cot in, say, two weeks' time, so if she still wants to contribute then now is the time? Otherwise you completely understand and you will be buying the cot and linen yourselves shortly.

LIZS · 31/10/2016 07:43

Just tell her you are off to buy one, thus giving her the opportunity to chip in or not. Suggest you've had disturbed nights because she hits sides in her sleep. Mil can still buy additional linen for Christmas, or whenever.

CurlyMango · 31/10/2016 07:42

Umm. We had something very similar. It was my parents and a pram. We even end up in the pram shop they wanted miles and lies from us, close to them. Chose the pram with thier choices, this is after pre browsing. It got to the check out and I paid, there was definatly no assistance or it beta gift. This was from my mum and dad. Have not relied on anything they say after this. People change their mind.

NavyandWhite · 31/10/2016 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luckylucky24 · 31/10/2016 07:39

A mattress is a pretty important. I wouldn't trust anyone else to buy one for me. Could she not reimburse you the money?

PlumsGalore · 31/10/2016 07:37

She was probably hoping you would be able to last until Christmas and then shoul would buy it as a suPrise,, or maybe she HAS bought it......for Christmas. Now that would be awkward.

ConvincingLiar · 31/10/2016 07:04

I would mention you're going shopping for one/plan to get one this week (or get DH to do it). If it's a Christmas present Dd needs it early.

Inertia · 31/10/2016 06:54

She's backing out, you need to buy it. She's in no position to then be miffed - you told her that the cot was needed, she argued about it.

AmeliaJack · 31/10/2016 02:01

Buy it and if she wants to pay for it she can write you a cheque surely?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 31/10/2016 01:59

You could mention to Mil, that you are going to buy one tomorrow, and she's welcome to come along.

OlennasWimple · 31/10/2016 01:53

Put it this way: I was offered a cot by a friend of a friend of a friend. When I phoned him and said that DD was growing fast, he replied "So you'll be needing the cot now then?" He got the hint without any prompting at all - so if MiL hasn't responded, I'd go ahead and get what you need for your baby.

It would be tactful for DH to say in passing that you are planning to go to Mothercare (or wherever) in the week to buy a cot now that DD has outgrown the Moses basket, to give her a last chance to repeat her offer to buy the cot.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/10/2016 01:13

Yep, she would've jumped at the chance if she still wanted to.

MommaGee · 31/10/2016 01:11

Ah
Sorry, did think it was a weird offer.

Invite her shopping

Qwerdy1234 · 31/10/2016 00:41

I think OP missed out a comma.

Cot, mattress and linens.

MommaGee · 31/10/2016 00:39

Also don't most cots come with the mattress included?

BreconBeBuggered · 30/10/2016 23:37

You need to buy it. Maybe mention it to her first in case she has some kind of surprise up her sleeve and thinks it can be a Christmas present or something.

9troubledwaters · 30/10/2016 23:19

If she really wanted to get it she would have taken your hint.
She doesn't really want to get it.

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FetchezLaVache · 30/10/2016 23:18

You mentioned it in the most tactful way possible and MIL failed to repeat her offer, so I think you're right - she does no longer want to buy it - so just go and buy it yourself. That way, if MIL's finances are a bit tight and she's worried she can't afford it, you save her the embarrassment of coming out and saying it. I do think if she really wanted to buy it, she'd have jumped at that hint...

TataEs · 30/10/2016 23:05

i'd just buy it.
sometimes ppl want to do something, but the reality is they can't afford it or whatever. you brought it up. she brushed it off. if your oh wants to say to her about it then that's on him

LouBlue1507 · 30/10/2016 23:05

Hi ladies

Thanks, I think I will just go and one myself tomorrow. DP can send a cute pic of DD in it tomorrow and if she's upset I'll just say we needed one ASAP but if she could get us some sleep suits for DD that would be great!
They grow so fast :'(

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