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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable re clashing parties?

50 replies

Birthdaypartiesareaminefield · 15/10/2016 14:24

Girl A's birthday falls on a Saturday this year. She will be 13. She has been discussing this with her best friend, girl B, for many weeks and that she will be having a party and sleepover on that day. No formal invitations have been sent but it was a definite arrangement.

Girl B receives a invitation for another party on that day which finishes at 8pm. Mum of girl B has asked if girl B can come to girl A's party late so that she can attend both parties.

Mum of girl A is inclined to say no because girl B and mum of girl B knew girl A's party was on that date. Girl A would say yes because she really wants girl B there.

WWYD if you were mum A?

OP posts:
kilmuir · 15/10/2016 14:26

I think you should let her come later. No big deal

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/10/2016 14:26

I'd say, yes, come at 8.

Purplepicnic · 15/10/2016 14:29

I think not letting her come would just be petty.

AlmaMartyr · 15/10/2016 14:31

I'd let her come later. Not a big deal.

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 14:32

I'd let her come later.

Lweji · 15/10/2016 14:33

Which mum are you? Wink

No invitations and a sleepover, it would be petty to force girl B to choose one or the other instead of combining them.

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2016 14:33

I agree, let her come abit later.

Costacoffeeplease · 15/10/2016 14:40

If the birthday girl wants her there, albeit later than everyone else, then let her go

Costacoffeeplease · 15/10/2016 14:40

or come, whichever way it works

SusanneLinder · 15/10/2016 14:41

Just come later...no issue

Purplepicnic · 15/10/2016 14:43

Is this linked to the other thread about birthday parties clashing?

IhatchedaSnorlax · 15/10/2016 14:43

I think it sounds very petty actually - what's the big deal in letting her come later?

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 15/10/2016 14:49

Let her go at 8, I don't see the issue.

viques · 15/10/2016 14:51

Child A, Child B and Mum B see Child B coming late to A's party as no big deal and a sensible solution to a slightly awkward clash of social events.

But Mum A feels slighted and huffy so wants to overrule the consensus, cause upset to Child A and Child B and invite raised eyebrows from Mum B at Mum A's petty spiteful ness.

I think Mum A needs to get over herself, remember whose party it is and make sure the pizza delivery is booked for later rather than sooner.

Crinkle77 · 15/10/2016 14:52

God don't be so mean. 8pm isn't that late so let her come then. Have you thought about it from friend B's perspective. Perhaps she doesn't want to let either friend down.

sophiestew · 15/10/2016 14:56

No idea which mumy you are but I would just let girl B come to the party later, no big deal at all.

I suspect most posters will agree with me and that if you are Mum A you won't come back to the thread!!! Grin

Floggingmolly · 15/10/2016 15:01

Child A should have got her "formal" invitations out sooner... Let the child come, she's obviously replied to the first "official" invitation she got; which is the polite thing to do.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 15/10/2016 15:01

Can't understand the taking umbrage over girl B coming at 8. If they're going to be up until late anyway she won't miss much?
What time were you planning to start?

Coconutty · 15/10/2016 15:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesolateWaist · 15/10/2016 15:07

So she comes late? It's a sleep over, no big deal. They have the whole night!

Peach9876 · 15/10/2016 15:09

Assuming that 8pm isn't a difficult time to come at for some reason (like you plan on taking them out for a meal or something) then I don't see why not.
If 8 doesn't work because of a reason, share that reason. Otherwise I don't see an issue. If the party goer wants to attend both parties chances are her mother would of asked even if she had already had an invitation and RSVP yes. It's not like an RSVP to a child's party is a binding contract.

AdoraBell · 15/10/2016 15:11

Girls are right, imo. Birthday Girl is happy for friend to arrive a little late and for me that's is all I would be concerned about.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/10/2016 15:16

I can't really understand why this is a question. Confused Unless Mum A thinks that B will come with stories of a much better party and that will make child A sad? Or if it impacts on child A's plans because, for example, she was showing a film at 7pm and now feels she has to re-arrange to accommodate B?
If B was a mean, queen bee type who would do this to disrupt the party and put all the attention on her, then I'd maybe feel differently, but your OP says they are friends.

mrsm43s · 15/10/2016 15:18

If invitations had been issued and accepted, then ofc Girl B should go to girl As party and decline the other invitation.

As no invitation has been issued, you can't expect Girl B to turn down an invitation that she had actually received on the off-chance that she will receive an invitation to Girl As party. Having accepted the other invitation, Girl B must go to that party. Therefore she is unavailable to attend Girl A's party until 8pm. I'd absolutely let her go to Girl A's party from 8pm onwards. I can't possibly see why not, Girl B has done nothing wrong.

A lesson to girl A that she needs to issue her invitations in good time. She can't expect everyone to put their lives on hold on the off-chance that she decides to invite them to a party. It comes across a bit as though Girl A thinks she's the most important person and everyone must revolve their lives around her - despite the fact that she hadn't bothered to issue invitations!

mrsm43s · 15/10/2016 15:23

Actually lets change that last sentence to "It comes across a bit as though the mum of Girl A thinks Girl A the most important person and everyone must revolve their lives around her - despite the fact that she hadn't bothered to issue invitations!"

Girl A herself seems to be being quite reasonable.