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AIBU?

To ask: what is your life honestly like as a working single parent?

79 replies

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 22:20

I'm struggling. Or do I need to make some changes? I'm a single parent (not through choice) I work part time (take home a lot of work) and have a 3 year old.

I feel like my life is chaos. At the end of my working week, my house is a complete tip, I leave the house at 7.30, arrive home with DC at around 5pm. By the time I have done dinner, bath and bed and got started on work I have to get done, had a shower because I don't have time to have one in the morning, there's just no time for anything else house related.

I feel guilty because in the mornings I have to put 3 year old in front of tv so I can actually get me dressed and presentable for work, lunches and breakfasts done, and DC ready for nursery.

It just feels like a hamster wheel. Trying to make sure I don't forget anything, for me or DC, negotiating tantrums, trying not to be late for work, painfully aware that my performance at work and income is so crucial now I'm on my own. Its really bloody hard not having someone else there to share the load.

Is this just the way it's going to be for now? I think I just need to know there's an end to this!

OP posts:

Report

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 23:14

Yeah I had to walk out of the room for 5 minutes this bedtime because I just could not find it in me to deal with the relentless over tired stropping. Then felt reeeeeeally guilty.

OP posts:

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:16

dh works away so logistics are the same. I luckily have a job that I can leave at work - not sure how well I'd do with work at home too.

I cheat when I can.

I don't make breakfast - daycare/school gives dc breakfast it's dress, teeth and out the door - clothes laid out night before, bags at the door.

Dc gets stickers or rewards for getting dressed quickly, but there are times you just have to dress the screaming 3 yr old and carry them out to the car.

Again daycare/school does cooked lunch so no lunch prep - mines usually soup I froze at weekend.

I put load washing on daily, tumble each night and put away next night (rarely iron).

Dinner is either slow cooker job or sandwich or cheese and crackers followed by yogurt and fruit.

DC help me do dishes, my 3 yr old loves drying dishes

I only bath 1 night during week then at weekend.

Saturday is cleaning day, dc get Hoover and cloths and away they go while I scrub bathroom, floors ect.

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:17

That is true - when I moved into a new house I did have 2 health visitors coming round "checking how I was coping" and nosing around my house telling me I needed a stairgate (my child could open a starigate at that stage)and various other rubbish.

They were there for a very long time whereas coupes who had similar visits seemed to get rather less hassle.

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 23:19

Shit, why would the health visitor want to come round? Just because I'm on my own?

OP posts:

IWantAMooseCalledDominic · 27/09/2016 23:24

Don't panic. I'm not in UK but we have similar HV set up here (Ireland) and I'm sure they'd have to hand received a report rather than making random visits??

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:24

Hold on a second, RubbleBubble00 I cannot let that slide.

You are NOT in the same position as OP because your DH works away.

You have someone to talk to in case of emergencies/parenting decisions/long day who is equally emotionally invested in your child.

You are not living on one salary (unless your husband works for free?)

The list of how its not the same at all is endless. Logistically it may seem the same to you - but it isn't.

I am no longer a single parent as I have a partner now as I said before. He works 70+ hours a week in a kitchen o we don't see much of him - and my god it is incomparable to when I was a working single parent. So much easier. A second salary and knowing someone gives a shit about how you are makes an immense difference.

Please by all means offer ideas - but the post shuold be starting more along the lines of "I'm not a single parent so don't really understand how it would be for you but have you tried xyz which is what helps me out whild my husband is away"

sorry for the rant but one of the things that REALLY pissed me off when I was a single parent was the "I'm practically a single parent because my partner works away/works long hours crowd"

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:25

re - health visitor - I had one literally a few days after I moved into a new area - I assume it was triggered by me registering at the GP.

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:26

I said LOGISTICS are the same

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:27

there was definitely no "report" on me I had been living in another country and knew no-one - registered at the local GP on day 2 and was told there and then that the HV would be "popping round for a chat" - I highly doubt that they would do it unless you moved into a new area.

HelenaDove · 27/09/2016 23:27

www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2016/38/one-womans-upsetting-experience-of-family-court

AdaLovelacesCat · 27/09/2016 23:27

" dh works away so logistics are the same "

no the logistics are NOT the fucking same. it is so insulting when the 'my DH is away four nights a week so I am single mother' types turn up with their pennyworth.

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:27

LOGISTICS - getting kids up and out, getting home, sorting them out. Did I say anything about being in the same position - no I did not. Read my post before trying to pull me up

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:29

yeah - the LOGISTICS aren't the same because you aren't doing it all unsupported emotionally and financially. Its like comparing someone carrying home the shopping on their own on foot with 3 bags in each hand and someone carrying home the same amount of shopping home in the boot of their car. You are both transporting the same amount of shopping and doing it alone but the latter is a damn sight easier than the former.

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 23:29

Ok, no panicking then! In fairness, my child is always squeaky clean, well dressed, rested and fed. Its me who looks a bit frightening!

OP posts:

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:33

FFS I offered a post aboutsome of the stuff I do to make my day to day working life and kids run easier. Did I in anyway say anything about emotional or financial?

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 23:33

I appreciate all the advice and experiences, thank you.

Logistics are similar I suppose when you have a largely absent partner, but the huuuuuuuge difference is they are on the end of the phone to help calm you down, or you know they'll be back on x day to take over. Its the hope aspect. When you're a true single parent the little things can really get you down because there's no escape from them. That's the hardest part.

OP posts:

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:34

hahaha KeepItToYourself I understand - again - sounds awful but I am really vain and making sure we BOTH alwways looked nice when we were out of the house made it all a bit more bearable because people (even the woman in the fishmongers/checkout girl at tescos/busdriver/nursery keyworker) saying things like "you look great today!" gave me a little boost and helped me with it all - those little "well done you" type moments made it all lots easier

Squirmy65ghyg · 27/09/2016 23:34

RubbleBubble - not the same and pisses me off you can't see it.

KeepItToYourselfPlease · 27/09/2016 23:36

Thank you again for all your ideas and help and solidarity!

Suck it up and KOKO I think

OP posts:

AdaLovelacesCat · 27/09/2016 23:37

" Did I in anyway say anything about emotional or financial?"

no you came onto a thread about working single parents when you are patently not one, and introduced yourself with some flip comment about how your situation was 'the same'. Well it is not the fucking same.

lostoldlogin2 · 27/09/2016 23:37

No you didn't Rubble which demonstrates you having fuck all understanding of "what life is honestly like as a working single parent"

OP isn't daft - I imagine she understands how to take care of her child and house in the basic sense. I expect she knows what tasks need to be done more or less in what order. What she needed help with is how to cope with doing it ALL BY HERSELF WITH NO REAL SUPPORT.

As opposed to the frankly pretty fucking straightforward task of having a job and looking after your own kids and home when you have a partner who goes to work and brings in a salary and presumably is at the end of the phone for a chat/advice/support when needed.

Honestly. Not. Comparable.

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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JellyOnIcecream · 27/09/2016 23:41

OP, you are actually quite lucky compared to some, you only have the one DC and you get a break EOW, plus I assume you get paid holidays and weekends off? That's a lot more than I get, I have no break ever at all, have 3dcs and ex won't have the kids.

I'm sure you could organise yourself better than this

RubbleBubble00 · 27/09/2016 23:41

iv asked my posts to be removed as iv caused offence when I didnt mean to. Sorry to op and posters

Squirmy65ghyg · 27/09/2016 23:42

It is irrelevant. Your partner could get a job where they are home... Ugh why am I bothering. Ffs.

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