to think you shouldn't tell your other friends if you have a 'best friend''?

[milliemoon]

To me this translates a bit like... "I like you. You're my friend. But there is someone I like, enjoy the company of and value the friendship of a whole lot more than you."

Yes I realise this makes me sound like I'm still in school, I'm not, but I do find as an adult when my friends tell me about their best friends, I feel a little sad that I don't quite match up. I'd never say anything obviously.

[Letmesleepalready]

I have problems with people talking to me about what they've been up to with their other friends full stop. I am not at all completely jealous of their social life and that I wasn't included and yes, I realise I sound like a 5 yr old.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

I must admit I'm not aware of calling my best friend "best friend", but I do think it's a bit childish in a foot stamping "it's not fair" way to object to others having a best friend. So it's not you? And? Surely objecting to finding out that you're not "the chosen one" is no less childish than having a best friend in the first place.

[Gwenhwyfar]

" it seems a little unfair on those people to be in the knowledge they are second best"

But you probably know it anyway don't you. You will have noticed that the friend has a closer friend than you and, if not, maybe you should.

[mum2Bomg]

If you have one, you have one. All my friends know who she is and that's that. We have been friends for over 24 years and nothing will change that. No one else can come close.

[Gwenhwyfar]

" I had a friend who insisted that she was my bestie, she sulked if i went anywhere with anyone else"

That's not really what a best friend is though, is it?

[Bluebolt]

Friends tend to know if someone has a close friend. Most of my friends know the closeness between my best friend and myself. But I do not use the wording best friend.

[GingerbreadLatteToGo]

OP. I think it's incredibly hurtful & insensitive to refer to your 'best friend' when talking to other close friends. Completely unnecessary.

But others have mentioned that 'having' a 'best friend' is childish & stuoid & the term makes them cringe. Well, tough shit really.

I have a 'Best Friend'. She is my rock. She knows me better than I know myself , she'd do anything for me & I'd do anything for her. We have been there for each other through boyfriends, marriages, divorces, children, bereavements & the rest. When necessary, on here or to others in RL I will refer to her as my 'best friend' but not to my other close friends because it's not necessary.

Declarations of Bestie & BFF etc on Facebook - well, that's easy solved. Don't use Facebook - life is much nicer without it.

[Purplebluebird]

I have 5 "best friends" in my home country, and 2 "best friends" in England greedy much? Haha :) I also have other friends that I don't see so often, but would still class as friends. Wouldn't state that some are better than others though!

[PleaseNoMoreMinecraft]

I've got a friend I consider my best friend. We grew up together, were each others' maid of honour, and have always been really close.She's like a sister to me, and we've seen each other through some pretty tough times.

I have other good friends, but they're just good friends. We chat, go out together, have each others' kids round and generally get on well, but would they be there if I really needed them? Well - maybe a couple.

I would feel that to say that she was my best friend in front of my other friends would be a bit insensitive, so I wouldn't do that. To suggest that I don't have a best friend would be a lie though.

[Oldraver]

I've seen two lots of 'Bestie' friendships grow vis FB and it looks ...well a bit odd.

One was in a group of friends that had known each other for ages then the 'bestie' came along. Complete with trips away and copious me and my bestie posts. The same with a family member...its really cringy to see

[Oblomov16]

Agree with Gwen.
You probably know that you aren't that close. So why is it a problem admitting it.

[Oblomov16]

Op, it depends how it's told and how it's discussed.
It probably doesn't even need to be mentioned.
But even if it is, why would you feel second best? Why would it bother you?
It doesn't bother me. I accept the level of friendship I have, with each of my friends, for what it is.
Me and them. That's all that burgers me. I can't control who else they are friends with, or how close their friendships are. I can't control that but more importantly it is if no interest to me.

Why does it bother You? Why do you feel second best?

[YesThisIsMe]

For some people it's an obvious choice. My DGM had a best friend from the age of 8 to the age of 80 with whom she remained very close despite the fact that they lived in different cities or countries for the last 55 years of their lives. Sometimes "best friend" is simply the most accurate way to sum someone up. It's best not used if there's any ambiguity though. If asked "what are you doing at the weekend?" I might say "it's my best mate's birthday night out" to a school gate friend or a work friend, but I wouldn't describe her as such to anyone from my closet circle of friends who might possibly think of me as their BFF and be upset that I don't reciprocate.

[Oblomov16]

Poppy said , re what I wrote:

"Maybe OP is just sensitive because she doesn't have one? Maybe she needs to work on that."

What a nasty and unprovoked comment. It's very "childish" and very "playground-ish". And stupid.

I disagree. It's not nasty or stupid.
I wonder what makes OP feel this way.
And as you can see, in the post above, I have directly asked her.

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

Bestie!?? Hahaha

[jeaux90]

OP sorry you need to get over it. Lots of us have best friends and refer to them as such. I call mine my best mate because like a few others on here she deserves that acknowledgment because of the over whelming love and support she has shown me. why would that bother you if you genuinely care for your friend?

[myownprivateidaho]

I have a best friend who I've known since I was 4, we're very close and always there for each other. I agree that in conversation with other close friends I probably wouldn't refer to her as my best friend as that would seem a bit insensitive. However, I do call her my best friend if I'm describing her to someone who doesn't know her, like at work or something. And she and my sister were my only bridesmaids and I used my wedding speech to thank her for her friendship -- not sure if I actually used the words best friend but it would have been obvious to everyone there. I don't feel like I did anything wrong!

[Oblomov16]

I concentrate on my friendship with a friend.
Their friendships with others, would not make me feel second best.
If someone did actually mention it, I wouldn't be jealous or hurt.

[Oblomov16]

Op:
I feel a little sad that I don't quite match up.

^^ this is what I think OP needs to consider.

[Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake]

I have a best friend and am proud to refer to her as such. She's like a sister to me, no other friend is like that because we grew up together. I wouldn't bang on about it but I would refer to her as my best friend- because she is!

[WhisperingLoudly]

I have a best friend but never refer to her as such either with her or other people we may know. I might reference her as my best friend to people who didn't know her if it was contextually relevant and I guess people who know us know she's my best friend. We've been friends for 25+ years and that's pretty special.

Feeling put out that others don't see you as their best friend is a bit strange and does suggest pretty low self esteem. It's reasonable to suggest the OP may want to work in that

[ladydepp]

I have a best friend but would never refer to her as such, I tend to call her my "oldest" friend. Best friends are for primary school!

[Gwynfluff]

I've got a best friend. I've been friends with her for over 40 years (since being a toddler). We overlapped having some of our children. She once bought me a 'best mate' mug. She's called me 'bessie' too. I've got lots of other friends from all stages of my life - but they know she's my best friend and that there is a special lifelong relationship. We're quite different in some ways and aren't joined at the hip - but she can't ever be replaced and I'd never meet anyone now who could ever have seen the totality of my life as she has. It's been a privilege.

[MatildaTheCat]

Ive got a Best Friend but wouldn't refer to her as that to another friend but that's because it sounds a bit childish. I'd say, 'my closest friend ' or, of course just use her name. I've got masses of friends but she is, without doubt my closest and most in tune of the lot.

I don't have any sisters or daughters so wonder if my strong attachment to my female friends stems from that.