Fine dining with kids, yes or no?

[luckymommy]

So, we went away for the weekend as a family for a family celebration, and booked a table at a fancy restaurant at a hotel. They class it as fine dining, and it was fancy but not the super duper end of fine dining either.

Booked a couple of months in advance, had numerous telephone and email conversations with them, explained before I booked there would be 2 children aged 12 months, and 3 yrs. They confirmed children were welcome, no problem. They said they would offer a children's menu and provide a high chair.

Also explained it was for my parents 40th anniversary.

We got dressed up, went along, sat down. No problem. Kids were being well behaved, sitting still, excited. (This doesn't always happen but made sure they were all napped up ready!) However, my 12 month old was noisy, not screaming or shouting but he was babbling away, granted at some volume, but not shouting or screaming. As 1 year olds do, or so I thought.

The waiter brought us water and menus. The manager then came over, and said 'I'm sorry but we are unable to tolerate noise in fine dining'.

I could have cried there and then, I apologised and we got up and left. Felt rather humiliated.

We overheard the couple next to us saying they didn't like what had just happened and they left with us.

I understand people don't like noisy kids in certain situations, but I had repeatedly checked the kids would be OK, and they were so helpful to accommodate us over the phone for a special occasion. This isn't something we normally do, but it was a treat.

Anyway, we ended up wondering aimlessly around somewhere we didn't know on a Saturday evening trying to find somewhere to eat that could accommodate 8 of us last minute. We ended up at a hight street Italian chain where the staff where incredibly lovely and welcoming.

AIBU to be upset at basically being asked to leave, despite assurances children (they knew the ages) would be welcome?

[maddy68]

I'm on the fence here, if I book a fine dining restaurant I really really do not want it disturbed by young children
However....
You booked in advance, informed them young children would be with you , they provided high chairs/children's menus so obviously implied that rget would be welcome

But.... The moment your child became noisy you should have taken him/her outside until such a time that they wouldn't disturb others

[BodsAuntieFlo]

They said they would offer a children's menu and provide a high chair.

You made it clear there were children in the party and they were happy to accommodate your children. I'd complain tbh.

[bumsexatthebingo]

If I wanted to go for a quiet adult meal I wouldn't go somewhere with highchairs/kids menus etc.

[merrymouse]

They should have warned you that they would ask you to leave if there was too much noise. You were clear about the ages of the children when you booked and they should have known that children of that age are unpredictable. Atleast then you could have gone straight to the Italian straightaway without all the faffing around.

[M0nstersinthecl0set]

I really wouldn't be fussed. I eat at "fine" restaurants in order to indulge my love of very good food, not for the ambience etc as it's all just a bit of theatre.
If the restaurant were prepared to take your booking (with all details of guests to hand) then they've revealed some very shoddy customer care. IF they felt you were (as a group) too noisy could they have considered a quiet corner, private room? (Or similar in the unlikely chance anyone complained about a bit of noise). Most fairly average restaurants can think round a problem for some guests. Do complain. Though all they are likely to extend to is a piddly voucher for money off, which probably wont appeal as I imagine you won't be returning.

[SeaFlute]

We regularly take our 13-month-old to nice restaurants, though tend to go at lunchtime or late afternoon. If she makes a lot of noise we take it in turns to walk around with her, take her up and down the street for fresh air etc. I think quiet babbling is ok, but if it's loud frustrated babbling I pick her up, play with her, give her some snacks etc.
Babies are noisy, and a restaurant providing high-chairs can't very well expect babies to be quiet.
Most restaurants we go to are really good with babies, they make a fuss of her and don't seem bothered by noise. We've stayed at hotels and taken her to the dining room every night, I've often BF her or rocked her to sleep in the pram while we wait for food to arrive.

[DrudgeJedd]

Leave a Tripadvisor review then forget about it.
Make sure you include this though, this is crackling

The manager then came over, and said 'I'm sorry but we are unable to tolerate noise in fine dining'.

[takesnoprisoners]

In your case, they were being arseholes. But if we do go to a proper fine dining place, the last thing I expect to see are children.

[Seeyouontheotherside]

There's no problem with babies, toddlers or kids who aren't a disturbance but it's the parents responsiblity to ensure that they can control them, be aware of their impact on others and remove them if they do cause disturbance.

People aren't paying a lot of money (plus babysitters to get away from their own kids) to suffer other peoples children ruining their night.

[WipsGlitter]

Were you actually asked to leave though? It sounds like you left.

A hotel - unless it's a top notch London place - should be ok with children. Surely hotel guests use it too??

[cheminotte]

It's not like you had booked a table for 6 and not told them that two of the guests were under 5!
So I think you are right to be annoyed. But next time just book at Zizzi's or get a babysitter for the kids.
Our dc are 6 and 9 and a gastropub is about as fine as we get!

[janethegirl2]

I took mine 2 DC to a well known pub with good dining credentials. However, other than asking us if we realised they did not do a child's menu, they were actually ok. But our kids would eat most things, and were quite happy eating off an adult menu.....mushrooms in filo basket, and prawns in some sort of sauce being favorites, and they were around 4 and 6 years old!!

[HarryDresdensLeatherDuster]

I'm sorry but what on earth is 'fine dining'?? I've always considered it to be some head-up-arse Americanism. Pompous idiots! A restaurant is a restaurant, no matter how many Michelin stars it has (not that this place had any at all!)

I am a real foodie and have eaten all over the world at restaurants where the food has been breathtaking, but I would not put up with such petty, small-minded rubbish!

Please don't feel embarrassed. It is the silly little man who was rude to a customer who should be blushing, not you.

[rookiemere]

Was it lunch or dinner and if it was dinner what time were you seated?
If it was lunch or eating early evening - say before 7 - then it's normal to expect families to be there, if it was later than that then I'd say that it's more of an adult environment.
However you'd already checked with the restaurant so it was on them to have said no before the event, or to put you in an appropriate area once they'd accepted the booking with children.

[minipie]

Since you'd told them and they said yes knowing the ages then YANBU

And I doubt anywhere with a kids menu and high chair is all that "fine"

Have to say though, if I'd booked a fancy meal out with DH on a Saturday night I would be a bit peeved to have two small children next to me. I could have that at home!

So, restaurant would not have been unreasonable to say no, but they should have said it at time of booking.

[HarryDresdensLeatherDuster]

It's all rather 'Hyacinth Bucket' isn't it?!?!

[WhisperingLoudly]

In my experience genuine "fine dining" restaurants e.g. Good Michelin star and top 50 WW places are the best dealing with and welcoming children.

Average, provincial restaurants are the ones that are unwelcoming. And probably the ones you'd want to avoid anyway.

Don't me embarrassed or upset. The restaurant manager behaved very badly.

[RB68]

I am sure if you had been some celeb they wouldn't have broken their stride other than to fall over themselves to serve you so I think they were unreasonable given that the baby wasn't upset or overly noisy, they were not real fine dining, they had high chairs and menus for children you have cause for complaint

[StarryIllusion]

He didn't say that the children weren't welcome. He said that they were being too noisy. Difference there. Presumably if the baby had been kept relatively quiet, the kids wouldn't have been an issue. There is a difference between kids being unwelcome and kids not being allowed to be disruptive and disturb others. I would take my one year old to fine dining as she is very calm and chilled and will happily sit through a meal playing with her food and fascinated by her own toes. My 2 year old DS however, no way. He would be chattering on incessantly, up and down and generally getting on other diner's nerves. I think if you take them, you do need to be able to keep them fairly quiet.

[Blu]

So did the whole of your table leave?

That was a bit OTT - I would have pointed out that they provided high chairs etc, and that you would take him out if he screamed or cried, but that as you had been told the children were welcome you would just do your best to make sure that they didn't deter other diners.

Had other diners complained?

[missbishi]

However, my 12 month old was noisy, not screaming or shouting but he was babbling away, granted at some volume, but not shouting or screaming. As 1 year olds do, or so I thought

I think that's where the problem was. It appeared that you made no effort to lower the volume. Yes, kids will be kids but that means parents need to be parents. We might think our DC's incessant babbling is "adorable", other people do not. I'm sure there wouldn't have been an issue had you been seen to be trying to placate DC.

AIBU to be upset at basically being asked to leave

"Basically" being asked to leave? Let's get this straight, did they ask you to leave outright? Did they actually say to you "We would like you to leave"?

[maninawomansworld01]

In 'fine dining' places after a certain time in the evening I would not expect to have to put up with other people's kids making noise (however adorable or normal their parents thought it was), however in this occasion you specifically told them children would be coming and they said they were welcome so YANBU.

[Thatwaslulu]

I have taken my DS to fine dining restaurants since he was a baby, as my family have a Christmas meal in one every year as a treat. I have never felt excluded or unwelcome, even when there has been no specific highchair/children's menu, the staff have been unfailingly friendly and made a fuss of him.

If he had been unpredictable and I thought he might cry and wail, maybe I wouldn't have taken him, but you say your baby was just chattering so I don't see why that would be a big problem, as long as you were prepared to go out with him if he started to scream. I would complain.

[BarbaraofSeville]

The waiter brought us water and menus. The manager then came over, and said 'I'm sorry but we are unable to tolerate noise in fine dining

But did they actually ask you to leave, or did you just get up and leave of your own accord?

Maybe they just wanted you to calm your 1 YO down a bit and distract him/her rather than expecting you all to get up and leave. That seems to be a bit of an over-reaction on your part.