- To not want to move back to Australia under these circumstances?

[justilou]

We are living in Europe and barely scraping by. We've been here 7 years and we're both over it. My husband's job is great, but I can't work here. He is talking about moving back to Aus and taking a giant step backwards professionally - we would still be broke, but I could work there. When we moved here, it was for his professional development and the understanding was that when we moved back, I could study and further my career - I can't see that happening with three kids and a job, can you? He sees this position as a foot in the door, but he's 40 and I'm really tired of starting over again with nothing. If he does end up changing jobs, we'd have to move the kids and change schools AGAIN! I would be happy to go back to Aus, to work and to study, but I'm exhausted trying to make ends meet. Should I put my foot down and insist that he wait for a better position?

[QueenLizIII]

We are living in Europe and barely scraping by. We've been here 7 years and we're both over it. My husband's job is great, but I can't work here. He is talking about moving back to Aus and taking a giant step backwards professionally - we would still be broke, but I could work there.

You're not happy in Europe, you're both over it.

You dont think you'll survive in Aus either but you could work there, doesn't have to be singing, you could get a job and may be entitled to some benefits there.

One child is doing very well, but the other two are not, they are not realising their potential at all and one is dealing with a very serious incident at primary school. You hate your house in Europe.

You dont sound happy on the whole, so the question is, would you be just as unhappy in Aus or slightly happier, you would be able to work and make some kind of living.

can your husband take a more steady job, such as sports coaching in a school?

Is the ultimate plan to go home anyway at some point? Your children do not remember living in Aus so probably dont feel Australian. If you leave this much longer are you prepared to retire home and leave your DC behind in Europe as they consider it home?

I think honestly I would rather be miserable and scraping by at home but that is just me.

And have all of my DC doing well in school rather than one doing fantastically well and the other two slipping under the radar.

[QueenLizIII]

I would be happy to go back to Aus, to work and to study, but I'm exhausted trying to make ends meet. Should I put my foot down and insist that he wait for a better position?

Also I take this from your OP. Sounds like you do want to go home to work and study. You're just not happy at the job your DH has and are worried about money and naturally tired of scraping by?

So if your DH was getting a job at a much better wage, you'd be happy to go home?

If he wants to go home and so do you, you should make that happen before the DC get any older. Realistically what else can he do and could you get a job that would pay any kind of good wage?

[crabb]

Someone mentioned the AIS and Canberra. Here's a public college (senior secondary) offering Latin: mobile.abc.net.au/news/2015-09-06/canberra-students-opting-to-study-less-popular-languages/6748150

[gingerpusscat]

I lived in London for 4 years, then just outside London for 3 more. DH and I moved to Melbourne 2 years ago, and we've now got DS. Our incomings and outgoings are pretty much identical to our life in the UK. We live inner urban for the same rent as our outer London shithole. Public transport is much cheaper. Food is the same. Utilities similar, but mobiles and Internet are more expensive. I was pretty worried when we were preparing to return, because everyone says it's worse than London here.

It's just not!

And DS has green space and sandy beach.

[saffronwblue]

www.macrob.vic.edu.au/index.htm or nossalhs.vic.edu.au/about-nossal/sir-gustav-nossal or unihigh.vic.edu.au/

These are some of the selective state schools in Melbourne.

I do think you should be really careful before you move - you are coming into a lot of unknowns for every family member. But then you do not sound happy where you are. Why not do a little forecast of your life in 5 and 10 years if you move and do not move? Look at finances, housing, work, school, family - everything.

[justilou]

I am writing my list of pros and cons and this morning I am priming my lovely friend in Aus for the phone call. It won't take much priming - she will tell the truth as she sees it, regardless. The five-year plan comparison is a great idea. I shall start that today. Have also started a gentle point-form list of pros and cons to throw under his nose at an appropriate time. I am also writing a plan of things I need to do (and how much they will cost) to improve our income here or staying there. (TESOL/TEFL course to teach English if we stay here (plus two-week intensive Dutch course which I have never done) vs my course & wedding singing)
I have come to the conclusion that in an ideal world I would like to being my kids back to Aus as well, but not into a situation that they would end up resenting. I have been researching new schools for the little two - and think we have to get that moving anyway.

My own personal happiness is actually not bad in either place. I just feel like I'm dangling between the two places (and have been for some time now) and it's left me feeling very separate from wherever I happen to be. While I've not been happy with some situations here, they're things we can change and I'm definitely not unhappy. (Suspect that's very common among expats!)

Thanks for the practical suggestions - any more are welcome!!!
Now we do the "wait & see"....

[cmwife]

OP if you end up in Brisbane then ASOS runs Latin classes at a number of school locations including Brisbane State High. Any schoolchildren can enrol I.e. your your child need not attend the school in question. FWIW and as you will know if you're from Brisvegas originally, BSH is an excellent academically selective government school with virtually no fees.

[QueenLizIII]

Your husband wants to go home. You say in an ideal world you want to bring your ids home to Aus.

You both want to go home. It is just the circumstances regarding money that concern you.

You should make it happen if you both want to go home. Kids adapt. If you leave it much longer than it will be too late and you risk your DC never wanting to go back and staying in Europe for life. The little ones arent having a good school experience and you and DH want to go home. A 12 yo doing well at school is not enough IMO to trump the whole family and stay there.

The 12 yo is smart and she will do well anywhere.

[QueenLizIII]

TBH I find your posts all over the place.

Your first post says after 7 years, you are both over living in Europe and scraping by. It's clear you both want to go home. It is just money that concerns you. You are scraping by in Europe as it is. There might be some benefits you could get in Aus and you could work too. The tone of your first few posts sounded deeply unhappy and you even hate your house there and blame your husband for lots of bad decisions.

The 10 year olds arent doing well and one suffered an assault by an adult there?!

The reason for staying: a 12 yo with a Gymnasium place. Is that enough to be the deciding factor for the whole family remaining in a less than ideal situation? There are good schools in Australia too as has been pointed out.

But then when the cons of staying are pointed out, you back track and say you dont want the kids resenting you and say you're looking for other schools for the 10yo. So if going home is on the cards, why uproot their schools now only to move them again home.

Then you are taking your friends advice about what to do as well as ours.
Never mind other people and what they think. If your friend tells you to stay put in Holland, you actually will?!

You have expressed a desire to return home in an ideal world and you really dont seem happy with your life in Europe and your husband wants to go home too. There is your answer. He should be looking into other jobs that pay more money first but both of you want to go back.

[justilou]

You're a bit right that I am all over the place. I don't want to uproot my twins from this school only to move again, but I feel like it's the only safe and responsible thing to do since the lunch supervisor assaulted my son and the school is doing nothing about it. As it stands, we have no firm job offers in Aus. Situationally, I'm not thrilled here, but have lovely friends, etc. (If I uproot them, I will also have to start again on the friend's front!) If I knew we had a firm job offer where we could re-start our life in Aus and create a real (but not Rich Kids of Instagram) "lifestyle" for the family, I'd take it in a heartbeat. My husband is so stressed about the school thing here that he is considering what many would say was professional suicide just to get tf out of here. I think when you have a permanent contract and you're doing a job you love at a very high level (that you've worked your arse off to achieve) it would be smarter to wait for a FIRM and more reasonable job offer. (Especially after talking to my friends in Aus who emigrated from the U.K. They will call on Sunday and hopefully he will hear them.)

[QueenLizIII]

Yeah if his job offer isnt firm dont do anything. Dont move for anything other than a solid job offer and decent wage. Is it realistic he can get a better job offer>

TBH I am surprised you didnt mention your sons assault by a member of school staff earlier on. That kind of mess and two of your 3 children not realising their potential surely trumps a gymnasium place and Latin classes, which is all anyone was worried about.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

QueenLiz - she did mention it, a couple of days ago:

"justilou Wed 21-Sep-16 14:40:03
Thanks for all the school tips - I will definitely look into those if we're going back. [ ... ] On one hand we have a kid who is ecstatically happy at high school - on the other hand we have just had to make a police report about how my son was assaulted by an adult in a supervisory position at his primary school. (Long story, but we liokjng at changing their school even though we don't know if we're staying here)"

[saffronwblue]

I would change your son's school asap, irrespective of what you decide re Australia or not. That seems to be the urgent need here. Then say to DH that if you both want to move to take some time and find the right offer.

[SolomanDaisy]

Are you in a part of Amsterdam with particularly bad school place shortages? In most of the Netherlands it would be quick and easy to find a more appropriate school for your kids. It feels like talking about Australia is a distraction from getting on with it. If you sort it out now the kids will be able to move after the October holiday. If they're not reaching their potential in the school they're in now you can choose a different educational approach (Montessori etc,) as a bonus. What advice level are they likely to get?

[justilou]

Not in Amsterdam, but we have appointments at four schools next week for the twins. One thing that I have discovered here is that they over-promise and under-deliver the extra help on offer. Going to make that very clear in the interviews!!! I have been hoping that the school would resolve this situation (anywhere else would have pulled this guy out of the school immediately - at least until the allegation was proved or disproved, but they seem to think that it's easier to act as though my kid's making this up - totally flying in the face of their child safety policies and modern convention!). The Netherlands has very strict anti-truancy laws. I have to send my kids to this school even though they don't feel safe there. The new school is my first priority.

[SolomanDaisy]

Have you spoken to the chair of the MR about the issue? In Dutch style they'll probably be expecting you to automatically know the complaints procedure and follow it.

When it comes to additional support, I'm guessing the integration of SEN is so recent that schools don't fully understand what support is needed. But my DS (no known SEN but, ahem, quirky) has certainly been given a lot of tailored support and they've been very understanding and warm towards him. He's in a Dalton school.

[justilou]

I have a quirky one too.... They're both quiet and well-behaved, so have flown under the radar and their results have dive-bombed. My son has repeated and has been bullied constantly, so that's affected him. My daughter has ADD and is chaotic and creative. Doesn't "fit in the box".... We have had issues with teaching (there is only one full-time teacher on staff - the rest rotate and are ring-ins. Kids have no idea who they're getting and continuity sucks!) in the last two years anyway, and mine need more structured help.

[SolomanDaisy]

That sounds terrible. Are you looking at alternative styles of schooling? Maybe even a vrije school would suit your daughter? Though my DS really doesn't fit inside the box (and never will, I think) and Dalton seems to work well for him. It sounds like you have had really bad luck with the basis school, there are so many good ones around!

[justilou]

I'm looking and my husband has started looking at other jobs in Australia and even other countries. I hope I don't sound like a whiny, discontented wife - I'm not that at all... I adore my husband and kids, but I feel like there is no absolute "right" thing to do here. Removing kids from their current school when we're looking at possibly leaving the country sounds like double the stress, inaction is giving the wrong message to my kid and the school. I am have enough life experience to know that not all idealistic boxes can be ticked and wise enough to accept that. Now that my husband is showing signs of removing his blinkers I am slightly less apprehensive about the Australia thing. (He also just discovered how much our house has devalued since we've been here and is very shocked. Not quite ready to accept the "I told you so" and I'm not about to go there." Meanwhile - the abusive lunch supervisor wasn't there today. (Neither were my kids - we had lunch together) I have been receiving texts from other mums asking wtf is going on, etc. Will see if there is news next week - maybe I can keep my kids in this school after all. Perhaps the police have visited and scared them into action.