to think that this is too old to TTC?

[HuskyLover1]

My friend is 47. She has decided to TTC. I would never tell her how I feel, I will be 100% supportive. But, I just feel that she has left it far too late, to have kids. She will be 65 when the child goes to Uni (if it does). If the child doesn't leave at 18, she will have he/she at home until she is mid to late 70's. I know that I am comparing her situation to my own, I am 46 and both my kids are adults and have left home. Me and DH (aged 43) are now ramping up the exotic holidays etc. I feel sad that she won't have any of that. I guess the question is, how old is too old?

[Propertyquandry]

Op, I'm the same age as you and my youngest is 3. So although I don't want any more, I would find it difficult to get my head around having adult children at my age. Most of my friends with young children are a similar age. In my head, your 40s are a time of having young children.

So whether it happens for her or not, she isn't the only woman deciding to have a child in her mid 40s. It's clearly what she wants so just support her and wish her luck.

[Deux]

If she is having Ivf at 47 then in all likelihood she'll be having donor eggs.

In which case, the success rate for a pregnancy and live birth is based on the age of the egg donor. So highly likely she could conceive.

It's not up to you to judge and you're looking at it from where you are in your own life. It's up to her and her partner and no one else.

Around these parts, there are plenty of women having babies around 45. I know one who had donor conceived twins at 50 and she's doing great.

[Eatthecake]

I am 47 and 6 months ago had my 4th baby, I thought I was starting menopause only for the GP to tell me I was pregnant.

I am sure some would think I am too old, but both me and dh are very fit and healthy. Bad health can happened to anyone at any age, even if you have a baby at 18 there is no guarantee you will see your DC finish school

[Sparklesilverglitter]

I think if somebody is fit and healthy then age is just a number.

Somebody's health can suddenly get worse, so really it doesn't matter if you have a baby at 21 or 50 you can not guarantee your see the child grow up.

I'm 39 and not long had my first baby, I feel fantastic at 39 am awful lot better than I did at 21

[Janus]

Sorry OP that didn't come out right! I'm sure you will have much fun with your dh but I had assumed she had a single life for a long time and was now just trying for a child.
I would suggest supporting her whatever the outcome is.
Enjoy your trips!

[hoddtastic]

Eatthecake we have a long running joke among my girlfriends that one of us will be blessed with 'a surprise' that we think is the menopause.

I pray to the 7 gods it wont be me. But if it was- I think i'd rock along with it. congratulations

[Eatthecake]

hoddtastic It was the biggest shock I've ever had and dh went very silent & white when he first found out.
Our little ds is here now and I wouldn't be without him, my older DC Absouletly adore him despite the big age gaps. There is 20 years between him and my eldest

[hoddtastic]

of course, sounds amazing - i think i'd be like 'OH HOLY HELL' and then get a bit cocky that i have the repro system of an 18 yo and public evidence that I have still GOT IT!

I have younger friends with babies now, i do love minding them and playing with them and handing them back when i am bored :D

[LBOCS2]

My DM (who was an older mother, had us in her early 40s) always said to me to have DC early or late - either do it young so that you've still got time to do fun things for you after your DC have grown up, or do it late and get your 'you time' in first.

If you have adult DC it sounds like you've done the former and your friend is on the path towards the latter. There's no right way of doing it, there are just different ways. So yes, I think YABU. But it's fair to say that it isn't how you would do it!

[AnotherPrickInTheWall]

My aunt had one 48. My friend at 46 ,nan at 45
I'd go for it if I were childless.

[LaurieFairyCake]

If she lives to average age the kid will be 32 when she dies and that's fine imo.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I'd privately think it was an awful idea and hope that she didn't conceive.

My reasoning for this is based on a friendship I had with a 10yo girl whose mum had her aged 40 (which seems young now!). Her dad was 50 when she was born, so 60 when I knew her. Her house just seemed so OLD. Both her parents liked quiet and order, so she tiptoed around and had to be careful all the time and they were quite strict with her IMO. She had various half-siblings, all much older, and she always seemed just a bit lonely because she was the only young person in the house.

Their family was very unusual at the time in having that sort of age distribution (we lived in the Middle East and people tended to start families early) so I guess it made a disproportionate impression on me.
However I do see families now where dads are over 50 when babies arrive and TBH they do seem to have crossed an internal line into 'old' territory. I do wonder about how well-suited anyone is to be a parent to young, unpredictable children at that age (I am sure I would be shit at it).

I'd nod politely and keep my mouth shut op.

[AndNowItsSeven]

Why wouldn't she want another baby at 47. Children give you a lot more joy than exotic holidays.

[groovergirl]

My friend had her first child at 47 and the second at 49, both by IVF. It can happen! Mind you, my friend went through many cycles and much crushing disappointment.

I dare say your friend is prepared for that, and has been worded up by the doctors. She just needs your moral support.

[pieceofpurplesky]

My cousin had her beautiful DD at 48 after 11 years of various treatments/IVF.
She is loved and cared for. She is happy.

Just support your friend

[MissBrooke]

Today at 23.00

I hope I'm not judging

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

the thought of it gives me the shivers

So it disgusts you?

[MissBrooke]

People who ageist make me snort with laughter.
I bet they would die if anyone thought they were racist, homophobic, fatist or whatever.

It made me sad to think your 'friend' is probably really happy and excited. And thinks friends are happy for her. And then there's you. Harbouring all these nasty, sneering, judgemental thought. And posting them on a public forum.

I hope she has some real friends.

[BlueLeopard]

LaContessa

The flip side of that is that I came from a house where my DF was 41 beginning his family, the last of us born when he was turning 60. It was a house filled with laughter and pranks and Dad was the biggest mischief maker of us all. Mum is a very youthful pensioner. All of us were in our 30s' /40s when DF passed away, so he got to meet most of his grandkids and see us all settled and doing well.

[MissBrooke]

Who are ageist

[MissBrooke]

Oh and you sound utterly smug.

Exotic holidays FFS.

[SanityAssassin]

I thought I was starting menopause only for the GP to tell me I was pregnant
yeah my mum thought that and even adopted another child as she thought they could have no more and then I turned up!

[Ilovecharliecat]

My opinion is that it's totally up to your friend if she wishes to have a child and you need to keep your concerns to yourself (as you said you would) everyone is different, it may never happen for her without IVF. It certainly wouldn't be my choice to have a child at that age but everyone is different and children bring so much to your life. Just support her

[LaContessaDiPlump]

BlueLeopard my DH was 39 when we had our last DS (we had them quite close together) so not dissimilar to your family. It sounds like your dad was well suited in terms of personality to the demands of a young family for a large part of his life, but the family I spent a lot of time with weren't like that at all.

It's an interesting one; of course you get young people who are fixed in their ways and older people who are madly flexible. However, I do think that as a general rule most people tend to become a bit more rigid in their life requirements as they get older (e.g. in terms of the standard of their living space, daily routine, amount of time to themselves that they prefer etc) and that this does not always work well with rearing small children. Levels of success will vary according to the person and their personality though, certainly.

[Rainbunny]

My DGM was 48 when she had my DM (and 46 when she had my uncle and 43 when she had my aunt...) This was back in the 1950s, motherhood in one's forties is hardly a new thing and I tend to think it only seems rarer these days because of birth control and modern life with both parents working and smaller families. All I can say is that I'm obviously very grateful that my DGM did have my mother even if it was in her late forties (DGM lived to her mid-nineties FWIW).

[stonecircle]

My godmother had her last child when she was 48 and had one around 45/46. She lived well into her 90s.

No need for you to be so judgmental.