to think that this is too old to TTC?

[HuskyLover1]

My friend is 47. She has decided to TTC. I would never tell her how I feel, I will be 100% supportive. But, I just feel that she has left it far too late, to have kids. She will be 65 when the child goes to Uni (if it does). If the child doesn't leave at 18, she will have he/she at home until she is mid to late 70's. I know that I am comparing her situation to my own, I am 46 and both my kids are adults and have left home. Me and DH (aged 43) are now ramping up the exotic holidays etc. I feel sad that she won't have any of that. I guess the question is, how old is too old?

[Secretsandlies222]

MissBrooke, you are absolutely spot on.

[Canyouforgiveher]

My parents next door neighbour had her first (unexpected) baby at 56

Did she really conceive spontaneously for the first time at 55? That is really really rare.

[CathFromCooberPedy]

OP I personally couldn't think of anything worse then ttc at the age of 47. I had dd2 at 38 and that feels old to me.

But as she's your friend you need to be there to support her through the good and bad.

[heron98]

Meh. There's no way I'd have a kid at that age (I am 35 and think I am too old to start now)

but I assume the resultant child would be loved and wanted so I don't think it's the end of the world.

[Monochromecat]

Mind your own business Op.

[SeasonalVag]

Well for a lot of females, pregnancies can lead to later issues. Its tough on the body and that does have some bearibg on your child's chikhood.

[BoxofSnails]

Even via IVF the chance is less than 2% after 3 cycles with her own eggs - moat people go abroad where there is a devent supply oF 25yr olds donating eggs and the success rate rises significantly. All you can do is be there for her I guess as there's likely to be so much heartache.

Personally I think it's too old and that's why it's so difficult. At 35 with neither my mum or myaternal grandparents seeing 70 - I think I'm too old.

[nooka]

I'm 45 with teenagers ramping up for university and the thought of having another baby now fills me with horror. But perhaps that's go more to do with not enjoying babies very much and yes dh and I are looking forward to life without responsibilities.

My parents next door neighbour had her first (unexpected) baby at 56, I would say that was too old as it really hit her health badly (she had breast cancer and was diagnosed with arthritis within 5 years of her dc's birth). Her dh was much younger so a bit of insurance there on the early orphaning front.

I know very few people who have lived much past 80, average life expectancy for those born in 1970 is about 75 for women. Of course that is no predictor as to when the OP's friend might die, but of course having children late increases the risk of parents dying when their children are relatively young.

[ittooshallpass]

Of course it's fair... they wouldn't be here at all otherwise, lol. My DD will be 18 when I'm in my 60s so what?

[BertrandRussell]

But none of this thread is about whether it's tough on a woman physically to have a child at 47. It's about whether it's right or fair to the children.

[SeasonalVag]

Well, Bertrand, I'd say that pregnancy is far harder on the woman than the man! What logic is that?

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I wouldn't want to have a new baby at 47, I was 40 and I wish I'd done it at least 5 years earlier. It was too old for me and 47 would be worse. And I'd say most men are probably too old at 47 really too. But for some people it will be fine. There's no point in worrying over other people's choices in this area. It's one thing to discuss the pros and cons generically, but when you're talking about a specific person that isn't you it all changes - there's always more going on in someone else's life than you are privy to.

[BertrandRussell]

Would you say a man was too old to be a father at 47?

No?

Then neither is a woman of 47 too old to be a mother.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Sometimes the reason women had their children later is that they were "trapped" at home, looking after elderly parents - this happened to my grandmother.

One sister became a teacher and fecked off, the other sister married young and fecked off, and my gran got "stuck" living at home, looking after parents and the farm shop with her brothers (neither of whom married). She was only "released" to get married herself after her own mother died - and luckily for my gran, she was only 32 when that happened.

Anyway, that aside. I think you should let her get on with it. Tragedy can strike at any age, and equally people can live longer than you think. I am biased, had both my sons in my 40s because that's just how life turned out - yes, I'll be in my 60s when DS2 turns 18, but so what? DH's father died when he was 18, of kidney failure and a bacterial infection - can happen at any time from anything. I could go on til my 90s, like 2 of my grandparents (the other 2 died in their 80s) - which will take my DSs into their late 30s at least! Or, I could die at 63 like my mum did (cancer) - but she'd had me at 23, so I was almost 40 when she died.

You Just Never Know.

[ShelaghTurner]

What's the big deal about exotic holidays that everyone automatically thinks you should want to go on them? Exotic holidays sound vile, children are far more fun!

I'm 45 and my youngest is 4. The thought of another makes me want to run for the hills. But I have same age friends who would easily have the energy. She obviously feels she has. Be happy for her.

[Macdat]

My DM wasn't as old, but my DF was well over your friends age when myself and the youngest of my siblings were born. Age means nothing. He did more with us than my friends much younger Fathers. Regular bike rides and footie in the park. He is and was wonderful. I loved that he could retire before my friends dads could, so he could work part time and got to spend more time with us and doing things like dad taxi and college open days without having to worry about getting time off.
My eldest siblings are old enough to be young parents to my youngest siblings, that's how old my parents had the last ones.
It all depends on the individual. Some 25 year olds are too unfit and/or tired to play sports and run around with the kids, and some 50 year olds aren't.

[x2boys]

Eatthecakeand congratulations on your ds i think i would be eaually horrified and delighted to be in your position!

[stonecircle]

My godmother had her last child when she was 48 and had one around 45/46. She lived well into her 90s.

No need for you to be so judgmental.

[Rainbunny]

My DGM was 48 when she had my DM (and 46 when she had my uncle and 43 when she had my aunt...) This was back in the 1950s, motherhood in one's forties is hardly a new thing and I tend to think it only seems rarer these days because of birth control and modern life with both parents working and smaller families. All I can say is that I'm obviously very grateful that my DGM did have my mother even if it was in her late forties (DGM lived to her mid-nineties FWIW).

[LaContessaDiPlump]

BlueLeopard my DH was 39 when we had our last DS (we had them quite close together) so not dissimilar to your family. It sounds like your dad was well suited in terms of personality to the demands of a young family for a large part of his life, but the family I spent a lot of time with weren't like that at all.

It's an interesting one; of course you get young people who are fixed in their ways and older people who are madly flexible. However, I do think that as a general rule most people tend to become a bit more rigid in their life requirements as they get older (e.g. in terms of the standard of their living space, daily routine, amount of time to themselves that they prefer etc) and that this does not always work well with rearing small children. Levels of success will vary according to the person and their personality though, certainly.

[Ilovecharliecat]

My opinion is that it's totally up to your friend if she wishes to have a child and you need to keep your concerns to yourself (as you said you would) everyone is different, it may never happen for her without IVF. It certainly wouldn't be my choice to have a child at that age but everyone is different and children bring so much to your life. Just support her

[SanityAssassin]

I thought I was starting menopause only for the GP to tell me I was pregnant
yeah my mum thought that and even adopted another child as she thought they could have no more and then I turned up!

[MissBrooke]

Oh and you sound utterly smug.

Exotic holidays FFS.

[MissBrooke]

Who are ageist