AIBU to feel uncomfortable that DD's classroom assistant is the mum of one of the children in the class?

[Mumalade]

DD has just gone into year 6 and the new TA is the mother of one of the girls in the class. I feel quite uncomfortable about this - AIBU?

[AnnPerkins]

It wouldn't bother me. The mother of one of the girls in DS's class sometimes teaches them.

[sparepantsandtoothbrush]

The school I used to work in had massive problems the year a TA worked in her DD's year (well it ended up only being 4 months). The TA was a bit shit really and would let her DD and friends cuddle up to her during carpet time, they'd all go running to the TA over any minor issue because they knew she would punish without finding out the truth. I witnessed something awful she did to another child who dared to push in front of her child in the line in the pkayground which that I had to report to the head. It got messy pretty quickly! So it's not always fine and I'm surprised schools allow it when there are other classes TA's can move to

[EllyMayClampett]

YANBU. It's natural to feel uncomfortable.

It's awkward when teaching staff have their own children at the school. I would expect schools to be sensitive when possible and try to avoid teachers and TAs having their own children in their classes, etc. At small schools it can't be helped and everyone simply has to do their best to maintain professionalism until the children get older and move on.

[angeldiver]

YANBU, many a TA loves a good gossip. Just hope your dd isn't topic of the month.

[CatNip2]

YABU, as others have said at our local school all of the TAs have had their children go through their classes at some time or other. Why? because it is a village school, where kids and support staff all live locally. If it wasn't a TA with a child at the school it was the lunch time staff or playground staff. When mine were there the lollypop lady (who had 2 children at the school) also worked as a dinner lady in between her morning afternoon school crossing shifts.

[Mumalade]

Thanks for the replies. I come from a nursing background and would never be allowed to care for a relative at work and just assumed the same would go for teaching. The TA seems really nice and I'm happy she's in my daughter's class, I'm just surprised they allow parents and children together. There are two classes to each year group, so I assume it could have been avoided.

[manicinsomniac]

I think YABU to be concerned straight away at the very idea of it.

Yes, it can go wrong and there will be many examples where you would not be unreasonable to hate the situation. But, if everyone concerned is fully professional about their job, there shouldn't be a problem at all.

In my experience, it's almost always fine. What I do think is a shame is that, while I've never heard of a parent being unhappy about parent-teachers, we do get the odd rumble about parent-TAs. It's as if they trust the teachers to be professional but not the TAs which is very unfair.

I work in a private school so we have loads of teacher/TA children (low fees!) I taught DD1, teach DD2 and will teach DD3. They would never be put in my tutor group or form class but they are taught by subject specialists in everything from age 9, in many things from age 7 and in some things from age 4 so it is unlikely that a teacher will avoid teaching their child at some point. We only have class specific TAs in KS1 so there a TA would not be placed in the same class as their child. But in lower KS2 there is only one TA for all the classes so, if she had kids in the school (she doesn't as it happens) she would have contact with them.

[GoblinLittleOwl]

Not necessarily a good idea. Any school I have worked in the TA would have moved to another class. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to have taught my children, and they would have hated it.

[Sunnymeg]

YANBU, there was a TA at DS's primary, who was very indiscreet. She blabbed about all sorts of things, including a Mum's cancer diagnosis, to her friends who had children at the school . It took a concerted effort to get rid of her, but the damage had been done.

[phillipp]

My mum worked in my school and in my Dds school.

Absolutely no problems at all.

In my ds' class one TA is his friends mum. She is there for language support of a child that doesn't speak English well but helps the whole class. And another TA is one of my best friends and Ds godmother.

Maybe if you tell us what you concerns are, people can tell if Yabu or not.

[londonrach]

Yabu. I say that as a child of a teacher.

[honkinghaddock]

Generally schools try to avoid this but in some smaller schools that may not be possible. If the TA is in there because of the needs of a particular pupil and they are the best fit, that should come first.

[RainbowCake]

In our school TAs are not usually placed with their own children but if she employed to be more 1-1 support or possibly can't be avoided.
I think any parent in school acts as professionally as they can but must be hard if you see your child hurt in some way by another and you can't do anything but pass the issue to another staff member

[JudyCoolibar]

YABU. It isn't in any way comparable with the nurse/patient relationship where you may have to give injections and intimate care.

DH went to a tiny village school where his mother was a teacher and it was unavoidable that he and his brothers spent time in her class. They reckoned she was much stricter with them than she was with any of the other pupils.

[stripesstpots]

It wouldn't have been allowed in any of the schools I worked in, if this situation occurred with a TA then the TA was placed into a different class than the dc. If it was a teacher then the child was placed in the opposing year class or a teacher swap around was done.

This was standard in all of the schools bar one who changed due to a classroom helper gossiping about children in the class to other parents in the playground while helping in her own child's class.

[NataliaOsipova]

I think I'd feel the same as the OP. It may mean lines can get a bit blurred. Is she a teacher or another parent? How do you address her? Another parent in your child's class has access to information about your child that you may be sensitive about - how is this handled? I would have thought schools would try hard to avoid this where they could, to be honest, even if it meant swapping staff around for a year.

[RebootYourEngine]

My ds went to a school where the head teachers dgs went to the school. There was slight favouritism with things like him always being in newspaper articles, being part of special school events, rolls in plays etc.

[Slummamumma]

Small primary school here and a lot of TAs/teachers have children in the school and inevitably at some stage, they teach their own children. Absolute professional approach taken and it never occurred to me to find it odd; quite the opposite

[Eolian]

In any smallish community there are going to be people working in jobs where they could potentially show favouritism to family and friends or cause difficulties for people they don't like. A teacher or T.A needs to be professional enough to work with all the children in their care, whoever's children they happen to be. If they can't do that they are not fit to be a teacher or T.A.

I taught once a week in dd's class, which included a girl who was bullying dd at play time. I spoke to the Head about the bullying, but I certainly would never have let that affect my teaching of the girl.

[Chopstick17]

YANBU I am a TA and once had to work in DD's class despite telling the head I was uncomfortable with it. It's not right, a conflict of interests and should be avoided .

[Chopstick17]

I was professional at all times btw and never favoured my own child but it meant that I felt uncomfortable praising my own DD as it looked as though I was favouring her so she often lost out to others. Other children would snitch on her to me to get her into trouble saying " I'm telling your mum!" (It was year 2 so lots of that type of thing!) the fact that she was a well behaved child didn't bother them, they just wanted to humiliate her in some way.

[FV45]

"A teacher or T.A needs to be professional enough to work with all the children in their care, whoever's children they happen to be. If they can't do that they are not fit to be a teacher or T.A."

THIS ^^^

[Chopstick17]

FV45 It's not ideal though is it? all children should be on a level playing field as far as staff go.

[Eolian]

But they are on a level playing field, unless the teacher or T.A. is unprofessional - in which case it's their lack of professionalism that's the problem, not their family connections.
My ds is on a level playing field with the rest of the class. He gets the same work, is asked the same questions, does the same activities. I treat him the same as all the other children. Why on earth wouldn't I? That's my job.