AIBU to feel uncomfortable that DD's classroom assistant is the mum of one of the children in the class?

[Mumalade]

DD has just gone into year 6 and the new TA is the mother of one of the girls in the class. I feel quite uncomfortable about this - AIBU?

[TheQueenOfItAll]

My mum was my teacher for one year at primary school. It was lovely and embarrassing in equal measures.

[JacquesHammer]

YABU.

Can you explain why you're uncomfortable?

[WordGetsAround]

I wouldn't like it and would expect a school to do everything it could to avoid this situation. I appreciate that this might not always be possible in a very small village though.

[madamginger]

The TA last year in my DS class was a parent, there was an incident on social media (basically a group of mums moaning about the school, nothing serious or personal, just general grumbling) and she screen shot the conversation and passed it to the head.
It caused a shit storm and parents were called in and cause some serious resentment and falling out with accusations flying everywhere.

[NoonarAgain]

YANBU at all. I am a teacher and can foresee all kinds of difficulties. My school won't even let parent helpers in their DC's class (bit extreme, imo)

[Mirandawest]

I think it depends on what your issue is how you deal with it.

I was taught by my dad for 5 years at secondary school and my mum for 2 years. I didn't get any special treatment at all. Wouldn't recommend it for children, but I didn't get any choice in it so just had to put up with it.

[Eolian]

It's very common. I teach mfl in my son's primary school class, and dh is deputy head of the school dd goes to. There are loads of people who teach/t.a. in their kids' schools.

[FV45]

Noo Clearly lots of schools do allow TAs who are also parents to be in the same class as their children so it can't cause too many problems.

What difficulties do you foresee?

[Squiff85]

Don't see why it would be an issue at all

[Branleuse]

in my childrens school they make sure he TA is not in the same class as their child, and usually not the same year

[HandmaidsTail]

My daughter's teacher also has her own daughter in the class. She's a good teacher. I've no concerns.

It's unfair of you to have an issue with it before any evidence of a problem has come to light - unless there are problems?

[Trumpette]

It seems very common, especially in primary, but I am uncomfortable with it TBH. In many professions it is considered bad practice to work with friends, family or people you know (as a client, patient etc) but no so in teaching for some reason!

It can compromise child or parent both for positive and negative and because of this I think it should be avoided. Unfortunately it is becoming increasingly common where my DD goes to school.

[Hersetta427]

Wouldn't happen at our school as its a strict policy - parent readers can't even read with their children's class yet alone TA's or teachers. I think I would be uncomfortable with it too. Every class at our school has a TA so it would be very easy to switch them around.

[KERALA1]

Poor kid. My parents both teachers and I hated having them at school. No upside whatsoever.

In DDs class there is a difficult child who has been violent to mine, to the extent I had to go in to discuss this. His mother is a (high profile super popular) teacher at the school - also a tiger mother type. Hence she pretty much detests me now and my dds say they are never chosen when they put their hands up on the few occasions she has covered their classes. I wouldnt say anything but its not great.

[mandi73]

In my children's school teachers never have the classes their own children are in and assistant never work in a class their own children are in. I would have thought it the norm ???

[rockyroad3]

I'm really surprised that everyone is saying that this is normal? In my childrens primaries (2 separate ones) this was not allowed so I thought there was a legal rule about it?

My dd attended a class (extra curricular, but academic) where the teacher had a child. It was painfully embarrassing, I had to sit in a few times and the special attention/exemption of rules that she gave her dd was horrendous. Someone pulled her up on it once and she went mental calling them a liar and accusing them of being jealous of their relationship

I think this situation should be avoided for best practice.

[wonderwoo]

For those of you who have stories about how it's been the case for you and it was fine.. well, maybe it was fine for you, but who knows how it was for other children and their parents!

I think it should be avoided where possible. My son was bullied by a child whose parent was a teacher at the same school (not in the class though). It made it much more difficult to deal with for us. It very much changed the dynamics and how we felt we could challenge things and the school showed obvious bias in favour of the other child. I think that was symptomatic of a rubbish headteacher and school in general, but I think parents and children at the same school can be fine, but also can cause all sorts of difficulties.

[NoonarAgain]

i think my main concerns are different, depending on whether i have my teacher or parent hat on.

many are linked to confidentiality issues and concerns that unless uber professional, the TA may blur the lines between her role as a TA (with access to child protection info, or attainment data, for example) and her role as a 'mummy friend' with other parents.

As a parent, i wouldn't want another parent (who happened to work in the class) to know in detail about my dc's academic attainment/ friendship/ pastoral issues.

finally, it might be uncomfortable for the child or produce a difficult relationship dynamic as the roles of parent/ professional would be blurred.

if the member of staff was unpopular with the pupils, it could be very upsetting for their child.

that's just off the top of my head!

[Hygellig]

In my son's Reception class one of the TAs had a child in the class and the Nursery teacher taught her own daughter. It seems to be the norm in my son's school - only one class per year and most of the TAs seem to be parents of children at the school.

[Glastonbury]

Our school doesn't allow teachers or TA's to work with their own children. They move staff around yearly to avoid it.

[Bluebolt]

The school stopped allowing parents teachers and TAs teaching in the same year never mind same class at DCs old primary. There was problems with one parent TA hosting events for her DCs friends but where so large only a minority of the year where not invited, which transferred to the children as the crossover of her hosting as a parent or TA in there mind and asking what they had done wrong in class and why she did not like them. She left but the rule stayed. I could imagine it being very difficult in small schools to recruit in they placed conditions.

[furryminkymoo]

My Dad was teacher and it was fine when I was in class, he avoided me if anything or used me as an example, I recall a few whacks to the back of the head.

Sadly he downgraded me from an A to a B as he didn't want anything to think that I was being unfairly graded high, I was an A and still am a bit bitter about tbh.

[isittimeforcoffee]

I was a TA in my son's class for a short while last year. Made no difference to either us. Whilst at school, he was a pupil and I was a member of staff. Obviously it meant I knew more about the other children who were in the class (and their parents are my best friends), but my social life and my professional life were two different things. They would ask about what was going on in the classroom and I would explain that it wasn;t my place to say and to direct any issues or questions to the teachers as they would normally. If the mums said anything to me about the teachers or school, that wouldn't be passed to the school either. Two separate lives. Teachers and school staff are professional and most know not to blur the boundaries.

[FunkinEll]

At the school my children attend they actively avoid this situation but it is two form entry and they also switch teachers around to stop this happening. A lot of teachers kids attend the school as they are near the top of the admissions criteria (faith school so able to do this).

Is yours a small school?

[LurkingQuietly]

My mum was my primary school teacher... Basically she went out of her way to prove there was no favouritism. I still tell her she was my least favourite teacher ever!